At What Cost
by CJ Logan
Summary: At the hands of a psycho, Emily's choices are very limited. If she plays by the rules, she and JJ will live; but at what cost? Femslash.
1. Familiar

**Author's Note:** Okay so, I'm only vaguely sure where I'm heading with this. I have a few ideas, but I thought I'd throw myself in at the deep end and just see where it takes me. I guess some scenes may be fairly graphic, so I have rated it M just to be safe. Please, if you read, leave me a review! Enjoy! :)

**Author's Note 2:** Since I've had a few people ask, I need to clarify; there will be no rape scenes in this story.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

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**FAMILIAR**

"Ah, there she is.. You were out for a while. I was beginning to think you'd never wake up."

_What the hell_. It was brief thought as some semblance of consciousness floated into her mind; her squinting eyes doing nothing to ease her confusion.

The room was fairly dark in the blur of her hazy, barely-conscious state; everything surrounding her simply formed as outlines that faded into nothing. She blinked a few times, trying desperately to bring everything into focus, but as she scrunched up her face in an attempt to make out something on the far side of the room, the searing pain in her head hit her. Wincing, her hands instinctively moved to cover the pain but the friction burn of rope cutting into delicate skin seized their movements in an instant.

"I didn't want you to miss the show."

The wispy voice penetrated the fog in her mind again but as she swung her head, left then right, to put a face to the sound, nausea tore though her like a tidal wave. The room seemed like it was moving around her, spinning and twisting until even the vague outlines that she had caught with her blinking eyes before had abandoned her.

"Emily! Oh god, Emily!"

This second voice was so much more familiar, ripping her from her dazed state instantly as her mind filled with a mixture of comfort, fear and this innate need to protect. But what would she need to protect? And as her now wide eyes searched the room frantically, the darkness lifted and those outlines that had failed her previously finally came into focus.

_Three blinks._ The grey, flaking, possibly once white walls of the small room were illuminated slightly by a faint, orange light that swung above her head. _Two blinks_. As she lifted her gaze slowly to find the source of the light, she was met directly with a small, shadeless bulb hanging from the ceiling, the surprising brightness causing the pain in her head to cut through her brain like a dull blade. _Four blinks_. She closed her eyes tight shut to relieve the pain, only to remember her situation and open them a second later to continue scouring the room. _One blink. _As she looked up again, she noticed pipes running along the whole length of one side of the ceiling, rusted and old as they twisted and wove into one another, certain pieces bowing with gravity and breaking apart. _Two blinks._ Following those pipes with her heavy eyes, she came to the wall on her right side; a small, rectangular window at it's centre that was covered loosely with what she assumed to be cardboard, but around the edges she could see faint traces of light creeping in, twinkling through the cobwebs that littered the glass.

_Choke_. Slowly, as her other senses began to come back into play, she noticed a mixture of distinct smells; tobacco, damp, and a chemical that she couldn't quite place. _Choke, choke_. They all combined to scratch and tear and her sensitive throat, grating like sandpaper as she fought to breathe. _Choke, splutter._

_Shiver_. A light draft began slowly creeping across her pale skin, the uncontrollable jerk of her shivering body making her once again aware of the rope cutting into her wrists and the hard surface of the chair beneath her. _Choke_. Blood seeped from the back of her throat, trickled slowly and made it's presence known in the distinct taste of warm copper against her tongue and panic set in once more.. _Thrash. Blink. Choke. Cough. Splutter. Thrash. Pull. Burn. Thrash. Choke. Blink. Thrash._

"Oh, it won't do any good, sweetheart.." The voice filled the room for the third time, almost smug and accompanied by a brief sadistic chuckle. "You of all people should know how good I am with rope."

Suddenly, her senses were no longer working one at a time but all together, each banding like brothers in an army to finally snap her into a wholly coherent state; and as her head shot in the direction of the voice, she was met with a face that she most certainly recognised. But that particular familiarity was lost before it was even registered fully, because beyond the thin finger, beyond the shoulder length, light brown hair and cold, grey eyes, beyond the thin lips that callously smiled down at her; there were eyes that should have been as blue as an ocean, but were somehow drained completely of light and replaced with swirls of fear, a body that she had personally witnessed ebb and flow as fluidly as the shore, was now rigid and tight, held back against a chair by a strong hand, and blonde hair that typically spun like silk and cascaded around slim shoulders, was now tangled in the silver duct tape that stretched beyond pink lips and clung to baby soft skin.

"JJ!" The word tore from her lips before she could stop it, her voice raspy and broken and the two short syllables seared against her already delicate throat as she trashed manically, seemingly having forgotten just how well that had worked the last time.

"Aww, _so_ sweet. Ya know.." The slim figure began as she walked around JJ and cocked her head to the side; each of her words enunciated so dramatically that anyone would have thought that this was a badly directed stage show rather than reality. "I didn't wanna cover up that pretty mouth of hers, and god it _is_ a pretty mouth.. I can definitely see why you went for that. But the stupid bitch just would not shut the fuck up. It's kinda sweet, actually. Pathetically sweet. And I'd love to hear her scream your name some more, especially considering the fun events that are about to unfold.. But I just can't take the risk of someone hearing and ruining my fun, ya know what I mean?"

"Get the _fuck_ away from her." Emily spoke evenly, strangely calmly, as her own dark eyes met with and stared directly into the cold ones in front of her. She wasn't afraid of this person, not one bit, but the presence of JJ caused a whole new fear to bloom in her chest and flourish with every step that this unhinged character took towards her.

The small figure laughed, clearly unfazed. "Aw baby, _really_? You still gonna play that _'I'm gonna kick your ass'_ crap? Carry on, by all means. It makes this _so_ much more fun for me. But considering your current.. _situation_.." The thin figure glanced down, nodding mockingly towards Emily's restrained body with a smug smile. "There isn't an awful lot that you can do."

Yes, she was afraid, but Emily didn't falter; her eyes didn't move, she didn't even blink. Even as she watched the brown haired figure light up a cigarette and step dangerously close to her, she remained steady and fierce and actually felt some relief hum through her body at the fact that they were no longer near JJ.

"Now." The thin person let out a puff of smoke directly into Emily's face. "Let me tell you how this is going to work." They continued, pulling out a small knife and running a finger along the shiny blade. "We're gonna have some fun. All three of us. You, me, and that sexy young thing over there. And you," the blade was pointed directly at Emily, "are gonna do exactly what I say. Otherwise that pretty girl of yours.. Well.. lets not go there, eh?"

"What do you want?" Emily asked firmly, still not breaking eye contact. There was no way that she was going to relinquish what little control she had left by showing fear; even if she _was_ absolutely fucking petrified, even if her mind _was_ fixed on that blade even whilst her eyes weren't, even if her heart _was_ focused on the other person occupying the room, the one who was entirely helpless and relying on her to magically fix this... whatever this was.

"Oh, there's plenty of things that I want, gorgeous." The grey-eyed figure leant over Emily, running the blade gently along the pale skin of the older woman's forearm as their own eyes flicked wistfully to full lips, before snapping from their daydream and speaking again with a shrug. "But right now.. I just wanna ask you a few questions. Simple."

"What's the catch?"

"Oh, Em..-"

"Don't you fucking call me that." Emily spat out, almost losing grasp of the little control that she had left. "Don't."

"Ohhoh.." The person laughed as they inhaled deep from their cigarette before tossing it to the ground and crushing it beneath heavy boots. Leaning over Emily once more, they whispered in an almost seductive manner directly against her lips. "I see you've still got that fire in you."

Emily could feel the cold breath against her mouth, smell the lingering tobacco emanating from it as the person in front of her dragged their tongue across her cheek and her calm began to fleet once again. She had already witnessed it's descent in the hot-fired words that had left her own lips seconds before, and she needed to regain that control before it was too late.

"You still taste so fucking good." The voice whispered directly into Emily's ear before pulling back to stand again. "But to answer your question, _Emily_.. The catch is.. For every question that you get wrong, blondie over there," glancing over to JJ before continuing, "is really gonna find what pain being with you can bring."

That's what she was worried about, but her calm was back and she wasn't letting it go this time; she would not be outsmarted by this person, and she would not give them the satisfaction of knowing that they had gotten under her skin. Well, not if she could help it. But for right now, she played the same unfazed card that the slim figure themself had just minutes before. "And if I don't want to play your game?"

"Well.." The familiar person allowed their words to trail off as they, much firmer this time, dragged the tip of the blade along the brunette's delicate skin, slicing and slicing until a small trail of blood ran in it's wake.

Despite the searing pain coursing through her arm, Emily managed to continue her daring stare with the person stood before her, only faltering to cast a subtle reassuring glance to the terrified blonde opposite her, before stating. "I am _not_ playing your game."

"Oh really?" The person laughed, pulling back from Emily. "_See_.. I _really_ think you are."

The thin figure turned abruptly and headed determined towards JJ and her calm was truly gone for good this time as instinctive panic set in and consumed her. "Okay I'll do it! Just stay the hell away from her!" She yelled, not even daring to think about what this clearly unstable person from her past would do to the blonde agent.

"Haha.. There's a good girl." The person smiled. "Now. Let's play a game."


	2. Revelations

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

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**REVELATIONS**

_Approximately 3 Months Ago_

It was no secret - well, to herself at least - that the sophisticated brunette agent had admired Jennifer Jareau from afar ever since she had joined the BAU. Like a moth to a flame, she often found herself helplessly fantasizing about her and more than once she had had to excuse herself from their shared hotel room; the close proximity proving too much for her overactive imagination and pushing her to come up with some entirely plausible reason as to why she needed her own room, before proceeding to spend the remainder of the night locked in a world of fantasy with her finger circling furiously against her aching clit. A lot of the time she felt like a total perv, a complete stalker who was no better than the deviants that they chased daily. But JJ did something crazy to her body that she had never felt before - even by doing nothing - and she couldn't help the questions, the wonderings: What would JJ's bare skin feel like gliding against her own? Were her lips really as soft as they looked? Did the saying '_It's the quiet ones that you have to watch out for' _apply to her? Would she quietly whimper as she touched her for the first time, or would her pleasure be more audible than that?

She had always assumed her fantasies would remain just that - fantasies. But on the night that Emily Prentiss came out to her team, she had experienced a side to JJ that she didn't know existed anywhere but in her colourful imagination.

On one of their seldom nights out, having finally grown tired of answering questions about any special 'guys' in her life, Emily had decided that it was time to tell her colleagues, her _family_, the truth. After being bombarded with typical coming out questions - how long? Did you always know you were gay? What's your type? - her friends eventually came to the one that she had hoped that she wouldn't have to answer; _Are you seeing anyone?_

The truth is that she wasn't. In fact, she hadn't been seeing anyone in a very long time. She'd occasionally have one night stands, but since she'd joined the BAU the chance for these occasions had become few and far between. Though she craved the touch of another human, being in a relationship had long ago stopped registering on her need radar and if she was honest, there was reason for that - one reason that made every other reason simply an excuse but she could never bring herself to admit as much.

After she'd answered the question, unwilling to get too deep so giving them only the basics - that she wasn't seeing anyone and that she wasn't really interested in a relationship given their line of work - they proceeded to ask if she was interested in anyone, because in their words, 'everyone has that secret fantasy person who stands above all else whether you want a relationship or not'. The words made her laugh uncomfortably and she realised in that second that she had been wrong; _that_ was the question that she didn't want to answer. As soon as it filled the air between them, her mind immediately shot to images of JJ, but remembering that she worked with a team of elite-super-powered-silence-reading-profilers, she quickly shook it off and lied, fortunately very well, telling them that she wasn't.

Garcia worked her usual gossip queen routine, probing Emily for as much information as she could get. Morgan loved every second, smiling as he began to realise the benefits of having a female wing man. Rossi and Hotch didn't seem to pry too much, instead taking on an almost paternal role and simply letting her know that their opinions of her hadn't changed. Reid seemed completely unsure as to what he should say, so opted for keeping quiet, only speaking to let Emily know that it was fine with him. And JJ seemed to remain fairly quiet also. She was happy to let Garcia do all the asking, and sit back and listen far more intently than Emily even realised to each of the answers given.

It took a while for her friends to finally get bored with the new revelation and for the questions to subside but eventually she was old news. Taking the opportunity to keep the conversation from diverting back to her, Emily decided that it was time for more drinks and headed to the bar. When she returned to the table and set the drinks down, however, JJ grabbed her hand and dragged her off towards the dance floor, saying nothing but, "Come with me."

She followed happily, though somewhat - a lot - nervous; relieved to be away from the chance of more coming out related conversation, and yet terribly apprehensive about dancing with the blonde agent. She'd danced with JJ plenty of times on a night out, it wasn't uncommon, but it had always taken every ounce of strength that she possessed to cling to reality and keep her wandering hands at a platonic level. Dancing with JJ had always very much been a love/hate relationship; she loved being that close to JJ, but that in itself and the fact that it took a conscious effort to keep her mind out of the gutter always left her somewhat hating herself. She had never asked for this damned teenage crush and all of the unwanted hormones that came with it, and she always cursed the powers that be for adding salt to her wounds and putting her in a situation where that beautiful, tempting, exquisite young woman was dangled so teasingly in front of her; so close yet so out of reach.

Something on this particular night though, was different; very different indeed and that out of reach temptation didn't seem to be so.. out of reach, anymore. Was she imagining it? Had she finally lost her mind somewhere in amongst the pretending and forced ignorance and hormone-raging trances?

She kept her own touching to what she thought to be a necessary minimum, terrified that she was fabricating the small hands that dipped beyond the boundary of her lower back; attempted to keep at least several inches of distance between her and JJ, afraid that the slim body grinding firmly against her own and mocking her feeble efforts was simply her own fantasies playing out like very real hallucinations; looked away once, twice, three times, frustrated at the lack of trust that she had in the lips that hovered in her personal space and the warm strawberry breath that tempted her in ways that promised to shatter her pretense forever.

But then fearful brown eyes locked with JJ's; deep, dark blue, hungry, and desire-filled and before she knew it, she was lost forever to that one moment, blindly lured by temptation as her balled fists relaxed and her arms snaked around the slim waist in front of her, as a subtle whimper emanated from slightly parted, glossy, pink lips.

As her fantasy became the beginnings of reality.

**CM-CM-CM**

It had never crossed Jennifer Jareau's mind that she might be gay. In fact, even though she was no virgin to having any kind of sexual relations with another woman - there's something about growing up in a small town that leaves you curious to everything you were ever denied the experience of and makes your early twenties an incredible place to be - she still wasn't entirely certain that she was. Sexuality was very fluid for her, especially considering how frequently she used such an act as a means of escape - a drug that proved difficult to find in her line of work - and it never really mattered whether that drug came in the male or female form. But something about this drug, the one that she had been longing for for years, was different. There was absolutely no one, past or present, who made her feel the way that Emily did. No one. One accidental touch seemed to send her entire body into a frenzy that it never had with another person. If one touch could elicit that much electricity, what would it feel like if Emily were to really, actually, touch her? How fucking incredible would it feel to truly experience all that that drug had to offer?

Though she had experimented and experienced women on many occasions, she had never been in a relationship with one. Actually, she hadn't been in any relationship for.. well, it had been a while. She'd had a couple of dates with a detective whom she had met on a case, but essentially nothing had resulted from it given the distance that they lived from one another and their extremely demanding careers. She had liked him though, but she couldn't seem to get beyond that slight affection; in all honesty, she never really had been able to. In fact, that had always been a struggle of JJ's; something that she too attributed to the expectations of her upbringing combined with her stubborness - she didn't _want_ the cliche, perfect marriage and the cliche, perfect 2.4 children.

It was true that there had been, in the past, parts of relationships that she had found herself missing, but that longing was soon quenched with a new 'drug' and long forgotten. In all honest, though, she was far happier with one night that didn't include boarding the jet to survey mutilated bodies and solve senseless crimes, and instead involved nothing more than her own imagination and her favourite purple vibrator. Yes, those night's were perfection; another drug that somehow left her on a bigger high than any one night stand ever could.

And those night's were always the same; infrequent, but so meticulously played out when they did occur. There was never any rushing, never any race to get to the finish line; she took her time and imagined every little detail of the body that she so longed to touch, taste, consume. The body that she _needed_ to consume _her_. My god, she craved it, and it was always with the image of Emily's three fingers reaching deep inside her and hungry, dark eyes staring down at her that she came harder than she ever had, some kind of shame washing over her immediately after the final ripples of her orgasms had seized. She shouldn't have thought of Emily as a drug or a release but she couldn't help it; the woman was so damn exquisite, top of the line, total tempting perfection.

Though she had occasionally wondered if Emily was gay, _hoped_ even, the brunette had never really discussed her private life and JJ didn't think much of it; assuming that the chance was virtually non-existent anyway - the brain often liked to see things that aren't there, especially when those things were _exactly_ what the brain craved. Besides, a part of her liked not knowing for sure, enjoyed having that tiny 1% of doubt within her mind that kept her fantasies alive and ensured that her nights alone with that purple vibrator of her's never lost it's thrill. So this strict privacy that the older agent usually upheld wasn't the only reason that she was surprised the night that Emily came out.

JJ was never usually a forward person in these situations. It was true that she was no stranger to sexual promiscuity, but she much preferred to play the role of the shy blonde, waiting patiently to become someone's prey - but as she listened to Emily tell her and the rest of the team her sexual preference, she was unable to suppress the feelings that washed through her. Everything that she had fantasized about for so long became suddenly within her reach, that drug was right there for her to taste; how the hell could she walk away from that?

She'd heard the older agent explain how she wasn't in a relationship, and wasn't interested in anyone, and though the latter part disappointed her somewhat - it was always a major role in her fantasies that Emily craved her to unpresidented levels like she craved Emily - she decided to take the small opportunity that she was given and hope to god that, even for one night, the brunette would take the bate. Of course, she knew that if she had that one moment she would crave her far more than she ever had, but she just needed something. She truly was like a recovering drug addict who had just been given the opportunity of _'one last time; one last high that will top all highs'_ - she knew that she'd never be able to leave it behind after, but it was so fucking tempting.

It was totally and utterly out of character for her - the way that she took the lead, the way that she wasted no time in pressing her body hard against Emily's and moving to the rhythm of her own beat, the way that she allowed her lips to graze 'accidentally' against the older woman's face - and her confidence faltered a little when that face turned away. But she was so enthralled already, she couldn't let this moment pass her by, and as dark eyes finally settled upon her own, as a tempting hand laced around her back and pulled her roughly and abruptly, as a whimper left her own lips, she couldn't help but feel somewhat proud. She had lured Emily Prentiss.

She couldn't help it; with her confidence soaring on an all time high, she was powerless to her own lips that captured Emily's briefly, or the tongue that poked out after that kiss had ended and traced over her own bottom lip as she revelled in the electricity that that one simple contact had sent through her body. Everything that she had ever imagined that first kiss to be - and oh, she had imagined it - it surpassed in leaps and bounds and swirls of consuming lust and unadulterated want. A want that pushed her eager fingers to dip beneath a silk shirt, a want that longed for those perfect damn lips far more than she thought humanly possible, a want that formed into seductively sweet words that rolled from her tongue like warm honey as she pressed her lips to Emily's ear.

"I think we should leave. Don't you, Emily Prentiss?"


	3. Just Go With It

**Author's Note:** This is my first time at properly writing a love scene, so I apologise in advance if it's awful. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. As ever, please continue to do so! :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

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**JUST GO WITH IT**

Stumbling drunk through JJ's front door, the two agents began pulling at each other; mouths, tongues, and hands battling for dominance.

Strangely, JJ won out.

Forcing Emily hard against the nearest wall, she held the brunette's wrists firmly above her head with one hand whilst the other wandered beneath the back of the older agent's silk, purple shirt, grasping and pulling and pushing for more contact as she hungrily devoured crimson lips with her own. She'd never wanted someone this damn much in her life, and if she had cared, it may have scared her a little. But she didn't care, not in that moment. In that moment, not one damn thing mattered other than the moment itself and she simply put her almost vampire-like craving down to the throbbing between her thighs.

Breathing heavily, Emily reluctantly forced herself to pull back from JJ, certain that this was happening far too fast. "Are you.. Are sure about this? I mean.. Don't get me wrong.. I've-"

JJ pressed her hand hard against the brunette's heat as her lips ghost just below her ear. "Don't question it. Just go with it."

That was all that Emily needed to quell the tiny remnants of doubt left in her mind and before long her mouth was back against JJ's. Her desire suddenly forgetting all boundaries, she ripped her arms from the blondes grasp, pressed her hands firmly on JJ's waist and flipped the situation in one swift movement, pressing the younger agent against the wall with a thud that was swallowed by her own body as it melded into JJ's like a puzzle piece.

Pulling her mouth back from JJ's again, warranting a disappointed whimper from the younger agent, Emily's almost black eyes stared into navy blue as she lifted JJ's arms slowly, tracing her fingers gently over the soft skin there as she did before pinning them suddenly against the wall. She continued to watch the blonde with hunger in her eyes, taking in the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed heavily.

"Not nice to lose control, is it?" She taunted, as an innocently smirking JJ tried and failed to pull herself free.

"I duno.." The blonde whispered with a further tainted innocence in her eyes. "Being pinned to a wall by Emily Prentiss doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world.."

"Is that so?" Emily crushed her lips against JJ's at the exact moment that her thigh collided with the blonde's centre.

This time it was JJ who broke the kiss; broken whimpers falling from her lips as she ground herself slowly against the leg between her parted thighs, her heavy eyes captivated by the black of Emily's once brown orbs. "Please.."

Keeping one hand firmly on the blonde's wrists above her head, Emily untangled herself from a disappointed JJ and, reaching beneath the bunched up hem of a black skirt, she let her fingers briefly tease the skin there whilst she simply watched her once again. Having JJ in this position was far more exquisite than she ever could have imagined. "Please what, Jennifer?"

"Mmmm.." Was all JJ could manage as she followed Emily's teasing fingers in her mind, tracking them like a dotted line on a map until she relised that they were not going to reach their destination and were instead causing her to lose herself. "You're such a fucking tease."

"Just.." Emily began between deep but short kisses as her hand released itself from beneath JJ's skirt and instead rounded the back, searching for the zipper. "Making sure.." Finding the zipper, she hastily pulled it down and smiled against JJ's lips as the garment fell with gravity to the ground and left the blonde standing in nothing but her panties and very disheveled, slightly unbuttoned shirt. "That I'm not.." She splayed her hand directly against JJ's stomach, moving it slowly down, further and further until her fingertips met lace. "Disappointed.." Her fingers teased at the waistband, dipping barely beneath the material as she smiled against full, pink lips once again. "When I.."

JJ groaned and her head hit the wall with a loud thud as Emily's hand pressed hard against her; and my god, Emily was not disappointed. The wetness that greeted her was the pure definition of what her fantasies had been for so long and was only overshadowed by the beautiful sound that escaped the blonde's lips. Switching to rub two fingers over JJ's panty-covered clit, Emily basked in the liquid heat that bathed her fingertips; how had she ever lived without this? And honestly, how had she ever lived without witnessing this unrestrained side of JJ? She was.. She was beautiful. Truly, incredibly, beautiful.

"Please, Em.. Fuck.. please."

The warm breath against her lips snapped her from heaven and with a smile, she released the blonde's wrists, pushed JJ's panties to her feet and wasted no time at all in running her fingers through soaking wet folds. The groan that filled the air that time was combined, both JJ's and her own, and their lips met in broken whimpers and almost panting breaths as two fingers teased at an engorged clit; skin on heated skin as JJ chased her orgasm and Emily lost herself in all of the incredible delights that combined to create that single moment.

"Em.." JJ panted. "I need.. I.." Her chest heaving, her mouth opening and closing with words that wouldn't come, she reached between her own legs, folded two of Emily's fingers and forced the others deep inside herself. "Oh fuck.. that.. I need that." She drawled out in a moan as her head fell back against the wall once more.

If she had had chance to think about it in that moment, Emily would have recognised disappointment in her chest, the longing to make this fantasy that was so suddenly a reality, last. But she didn't have that opportunity and instead fell completely victim to the exquisite sounds pouring from glossy pink lips, to the slim hips that thrust rhythmically against her own thrusting fingers, to the unfinished whimpers and the broken breaths that began an almost silence as her fingers stopped thrusting altogether; as they, instead, circled purposefully at that spot deep inside JJ and her thumb rubbed against an enlarged clit.

And as she felt the blonde clutch tighter at her back and tan legs become weak, she held her harder against the wall to keep her standing. And as sharp teeth bit down hard against her left shoulder, she rubbed a little faster, circled a little harder. And as JJ's walls finally clamped impossibly tight around her fingers, Emily gripped further around a slim waist, refusing to let go as her astounded eyes watched JJ shudder through her climax and ride those exquisite waves of her orgasm to their glorious, euphoric end.

And.. When JJ finally started floating back to the present, Emily allowed herself one last, perfect moment of pretense; her lips meeting the blonde's in one long, deep kiss before she stepped back. She somewhat heard a faint breath of 'Jesus' but she was too distracted by the feeling in her gut; the one telling her that this was one huge mistake and that now - now that JJ had found the release that she needed and had torn her new toy from the packaging - she would no longer have use for her. But..

"Hey.." JJ reached out with a heavy breath, her limbs clearly exhausted, and grabbed a handful of Emily's shirt before pulling her towards the stairs. "Where do you think you're going? I'm not finished with you yet."

A small flame of hope ignited within Emily's chest and she couldn't help the small smile that crept across her lips, or the legs that mindlessly followed JJ to her bedroom, or the lips and teeth and tongue that tasted and nipped and sucked; all the while ignoring the one sentence that should have been a warning: I'm not finished with you yet.

For hours the two acted out the routine that they'd just played downstairs, moving together in the dim light of the room, exploring each others bodies like a whole new world, before their energy finally gave out and they collapsed together on the bed, a thin layer of sweat causing their naked skin to glisten in the moonlight.

"Wow.." Emily whispered into the silence of the room as she tried to regain a steady breathing pattern, her naked chest rising and falling with abandon as she bathed in the luxurious ache between her thighs that only comes after hours upon hours of the carnal act of fucking.

"I know.." The blonde replied simply as she swallowed hard and tried to catch her own breath. "That was.."

"Surprising?" Emily offered with an exhausted smile as she looked over to the blonde beside her.

"Uh.. thanks?" JJ feigned hurt.

"No.." Emily laughed. "You're just.. I don't know. This is one fantasy that I never expected to come true, that's all."

"So you fantasised about me, huh?" JJ questioned with a raised eyebrow, secretly genuinely happy to hear such a thing. It was one thing to have somehow seduced Emily Prentiss into her bed; it was another to know that she had longed to be there just as much she herself wanted her to be.

A pink blush crept over Emily's cheeks. "Well, yeah, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I tried not to allow myself to. But sometimes you made it more difficult than others.." She momentarily recalled the nights that JJ had emerged from hotel bathrooms in nothing but her underwear and crawled into bed beside her despite there being another in the room, the nights that she had had to remove herself from the situation, and suddenly she wondered if it had been so innocent at all. "But I had to force myself to remember that you were-"

"That I was what? Blonde and baby faced and therefore wholly innocent and straight? Oh, Ms. Prentiss." JJ smirked. "You have no idea."

"I'm beginning to realised that." Emily laughed as JJ all but confirmed her new theory.

The two lay in there in silence for a while as their heartbeats regained a steady rhythm, their breathing returning to a semi-normal pace, their minds wondering in two separate directions.

Noticing the distant look on JJ's face, Emily propped herself up on her elbow and broke the silence. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

JJ cast a sideways glance at Emily then returned her gaze to the imperfections on the ceiling above her, saying nothing as her brow furrowed in contemplation of the correct words.

But that nothing, for Emily and unbeknownst to JJ, was worse than any words that she could have said and in a single second, panic set in as the brunette realised that what she was afraid of downstairs was actually happening right in that very moment.

"Its okay, JJ.." She began, clutching at the one straw that promised to keep her heart from shattering altogether. "_This_.. was amazing. But I know you don't want anything more. And honestly, I don't think I do right now either." It was a necessary lie, but at the same time it wasn't. _Did_ she want something more with JJ? Had those nights that she had laid awake picturing tan skin melding with her own and sexy little whimpers falling from pink lips really been about more than just sex?

"I'm sorry, it's just.." JJ trailed off, a little unsure of how to explain herself. It wasn't that she didn't want Emily - she _had_ wanted Emily, _still_ wanted Emily, even after hours of _having_ Emily - it was everything else that surrounded that. She had never gotten much further than that initial feeling of 'liking' someone, and now that she was already leaps and bounds beyond that, she was fighting like crazy to get back to her comfort zone. She was almost like a kid who can't swim finding himself suddenly in the deep end of the pool; frantic and panicking and thrashing about to get to safety.

"You don't need to explain anything. I promise I get it. It'd be far too complicated for this to become anything." Emily agreed with the words that JJ hadn't even spoken whilst sitting and pulling the younger agent to straddler her thighs. Wrapping JJ's legs around her back and placing her hands firmly against the blonde's waist, Emily apparently lost all memory of her broken heart and instead bathed herself in the one part of JJ that she was blindly hopeful that she could still have. "God you are so fucking hot."

"You ain't too bad yourself, Ms Prentiss." JJ winked, grateful that the conversation was over as she leant down to capture the brunette's mouth with hers. "Ya know.." She continued as she pulled away from the kiss and slowly began grinding herself against Emily. "Just because we're not dating.." She paused to give the brunette a quick peck on the lips. "Doesn't mean that we have to stop this."

No, _that_ should have been the moment. The moment where she recognised this for what it was and chose the 'flight' option, but how could she flee.. How could she leave this? How could she turn her back on the incredible sight of JJ thrusting against her? How could she tear herself away from the daze that the blonde's whimpers left her in as she trailed her hand up a toned inner thigh? How could she say no when her fingers were already saying yes?

And as JJ's fingernails dug into her shoulders, as heavy eyelids won out against deep blue eyes, as she felt JJ's insatiable wetness trickle out of the blonde and run into her palm, she ignored her gut and pressed her lips to JJ's ear. "I think I like the sound of that."


	4. Blind

**Author's Note: **This chapter is a lot shorter than the rest, but I needed to add a little more background to JJ and Emily's situation, and figured it would work better in a chapter of it's own. I'm not hugely sure about it, but I thought it was fairly necessary. I've also come to the conclusion that jumping in at the deep end was quite possibly one of the stupidest decisions I could've made, but after hours of staring at my screen and getting angry with my computer, I have a few more solid ideas of where I want this story to go. Thank you for the reviews, they make the frustration of writer's block worth it.

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

**BLIND**

It didn't take long for their unconventional relationship to set up an equally unconventional pattern; an escapism routine that nestled itself in amongst ignorance and pretense.

To their colleagues, their friends, nothing was any different to what it had been before the night that Emily came out. The two agents never let their private life creep into their work life, and though it doesn't say a great deal for their profiling skills, their friends were none the wiser. To them they were simply JJ, and simply Emily. Separately. With no connection other than friendship and work.

But unbeknown to their friends, in the privacy of a hotel room, or one another's house, they did have a connection more than friendship, more than work, more than professional, and far more than platonic. They weren't simply JJ and simply Emily as two separate people; they were JJ and Emily as one.

Together they'd escape and create their own reality; ironically, one that left them both oblivious and lead them further into a fantasy that was far too _close_ to reality. They'd explore each others bodies, searching for the release that they so deeply craved; the release that they didn't realise they had needed so much until their first night together; the release that they'd now become _addicted_ to. They'd never admit it to each other, refused to even admit it to themselves, but deep down they both knew that without this now, they'd be lost. They were good at the game though; both had the other convinced that they could walk away at any time, shrug this whole arrangement off like it was nothing, but really, each was secretly hoping that they'd never be called on such nonchalance.

Realising what it had become, and what it had actually always been, left Emily rather unsettled. Of course, in the moments where her mouth was suckling greedily between JJ's silk thighs, all discomfort left. But in the moments where she walked through her own front door at 3am, crawled into her cold and empty bed, she remembered all the moments that had warned her of this impending storm; she really should have known better. She never meant to let it become this deep, but had she really had a choice? She never meant to start feeling something real for JJ, but really, hadn't those feelings been there all along? It was supposed be an occasional means of escape, and though it was, when had it become an escape from itself?

It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep her mind off of the younger woman. It had never been remotely easy in the past, that much is true, but now.. it was torture. It took every ounce of strength that she had to stop herself from unconsciously reaching out for JJ's hand as they went about their everyday business, to catch a glimpse of a subtle smile and not wonder what it would be like to wake up to that every morning. And in the very sporadic moments that she lost that strength, the sudden scolding, 'what the hell are you doing?' look in JJ's eyes always kicked her back into place.

But as the queen of compartmentalization, it didn't take long for those moments to disappear, for her to forcefully shove such thoughts into an empty compartment and ensure that every tiny little moment that involved JJ was devoid of any emotion. And any stray emotions that hadn't quite made it to her infamous locked compartments were subtly released in the moments when she coaxed JJ to orgasm, poured from her during her own release.

It was exhausting these days, but she never faltered; not once. Not even when JJ reached her climax and she longed to wrap her up in her arms; she would instead swallow the feeling, grab her discarded clothes from the ground and leave. She never once let it show that she couldn't walk away, couldn't be without JJ's touch, couldn't even breathe without her presence. She was good at faking strength that way, but deep down she knew that she was losing, grasping at a desperate hope that JJ would never call her bluff on it - that, on those nights that she didn't disappear immediately, JJ wouldn't ask the question that she herself had asked in the beginning: What's going on in that head of yours?

But all that effort to keep herself devoid of anything too complicated left her blind to what was right in front of her face. As she closed her own eyes to keep JJ from seeing the desperation in them, she missed the fearful expression that the blonde herself carried; as she disappeared into the night without one word spoken, she missed the way that JJ wrapped herself in her comforter and stared longingly until the sun came up; as she fought with the noise in her own mind, she missed the silent messages that JJ gave her each time she came.

And through it all, she unknowingly forced away the one thing that she was longing so desperately for.

**CM-CM-CM**

By the morning after their first night together, JJ had found herself looking at Emily with new eyes, noticing things about the brunette that she hadn't before. Every little quirk, every little mannerism, every little unconscious swipe of that damn tongue as dark eyes focused in concentration; _everything_. And no matter how much she tried to pretend otherwise, tried to pretend that Emily's nonchalance didn't hurt; she found herself slowly, _stupidly_, falling in love with her. It wasn't supposed to be that way, but she had been more right than she had realised in the beginning: Emily was indeed a drug, and one that now, unfortunately, she was helplessly addicted to.

Without even realising it, her every move became purposeful and somewhat manipulative. She was testing the waters, testing Emily. She found herself saying and doing certain things simply to get a rise out of the brunette. She had to know, she had to see through her own eyes if there was something more there than just lust-fueled fucking. But it was a winless game, really; because each lose - the constant distance in Emily's eyes - told her that the game just wasn't over yet, and each win - a brief flicker of something else in those dark orbs - told her that it must have been a fluke, that she had to keep searching, testing, playing.

If she was honest with herself, she would have realised that in all honesty, she didn't want to win that game; she didn't want to see that there was more to this for Emily than just sex. Why? Because it was everything that she wanted and yet at the same time, knew that she couldn't have; not forever, at least. The Emily Prentiss' of this world were one of a kind, and the Emily Prentiss' of this world don't make forever with small town girls who have fucked more people than they can count. _Make the most of it, Jareau. Eventually she'll leave you like you left the others, and one day someone will take what you were never worthy of holding; her heart.._

So the pair carried on with what had now become their normality; completely unaware of the others feelings, and too damn blind and stupid to even consider them.


	5. Let's Play Pretend

**Author's Note:** I have the feeling that I'm going to get a lot of angry reviews once people have read this chapter. But don't worry, he won't be around for long. Maybe. Happy reading. :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

**LET'S PLAY PRETEND**

_4 Days Ago_

On the flight home from their most recent case, JJ and Emily sat in silence in separate areas of the plane. It had been a particularly tough case, and all they craved was each other, but being in the presence of their co-workers, they kept their distance and awaited the end of their journey home - _knowing_ that they didn't have the energy to consciously keep up the purely platonic pretence, _hoping_ that sitting apart wouldn't strike their colleagues as odd.

Luckily, the case seemed to have taken it's toll on everyone, and no one bothered to question Emily and JJ's silence and distance - they were too busy lost in their own rituals, trying to escape their own minds as they were slowly plagued with images of all that they'd seen over the previous three days. It never got easier, there was never a point where they became used to seeing tortured victims or stolen innocence. Never. So they took any moment of respite that they could get, however brief that may be.

As the two agents said their goodbyes to their friends and headed to the bullpen to pick up some of their belongings, it was JJ who spoke up first and asked the question that Emily was expecting. The question that she needed so desperately and yet, at the same time, was hoping wouldn't come. She couldn't pretend tonight; not after the days that they'd had.

"My place tonight?" It had become such a normal occurrence that JJ knew there was no need for formalities, no need to pretend that their meetings were anything but what they were; even if there was a slight bitterness in her chest over the prospect of simply being Emily's toy.

"I thought you'd never ask." Emily faked a smile, already planning which methods she would use tonight to keep unwelcome admissions from accidentally falling from her lips as JJ played her like an instrument.

It was always more difficult during her own orgasms to keep her thoughts at bay. Of course, it was difficult during every moment, but those in particular these days seemed to be almost unbearable. Even as that state of bliss became so within reach as JJ lapped at her sensitive clit or thrust purposely inside her, she still found herself fighting, afraid that she didn't have the strength to ignore the overwhelming admissions that threatened to explode along with her climax. But JJ was nothing if not skilled, and she could never hold off for long. Whilst knowing that, along with the days that she had had, did she really have the strength to fight it tonight?

"Great." JJ smiled just as her phone rang.

Emily watched JJ pull out her phone and answer with her surname, and purposely turned to head to her desk with a heavy heart as the blonde's face lit up and one word fell from her damn perfect lips.

"Will?"

As she reached her desk, she couldn't help but look back to JJ; the look on the blonde's face something that she didn't recognise but it shattered her heart nonetheless, even more so than the silent words, _I'll be right back_, that JJ mouthed right before disappearing into her office with a sudden skip in her step.

Though it could of only been minutes, it seemed like hours to Emily as she waited for JJ to return, her mind racing enough to leave her wholly angry at herself. _This is sex, Prentiss. Nothing more, and you know that. You knew it all along and you chose to ignore it, so now you have no right in criticising what she does and who she does it with.  
_

When she heard JJ's office door reopen, Emily subtly grabbed the nearest file from her desk and pretended to be busy; and when JJ finally approached her, it took all of her strength to swallow down her jealousy and refrain from asking too many questions, but instead casually smile like nothing was out of the ordinary as she peaked up from the document that she hadn't even read one line of.

"Sorry about that." JJ offered, unsure as to what to expect from the brunette; unsure of what the etiquette of having no-strings sex with someone was, unsure if the idea of Will had even fazed Emily. A part of her was sure that it had, but the small glimmer of jealousy that she'd seen in brown eyes had disappeared no sooner than it had appeared and now she genuinely _didn't_ know.

"It's fine." Emily replied, more harsh than her conscious mind had intended or expected, and she became suddenly aware that if she kept that up, JJ would know how jealous she actually was at just the mention of that damn detective's name.

Emily had met Will just as JJ had on a case, and knew from the blonde's admission that they had dated. He seemed like a fairly decent guy, but her jealousy simply wouldn't allow her to admit this. In her mind, she'd created him as a monster and that was immediately added to the pile of reasons to hate herself. It couldn't possibly be true what they say - that if you genuinely love someone, all you want is their happiness even if it isn't with you - because right in this moment she was more than painfully aware that she was completely in love with JJ, just as she was more than painfully sure that the prospect of JJ being happy with someone other than her twisted her stomach in knots until she was sure it would burst. She wanted JJ to be happy with her; _she_ wanted to be the reason for the smile that she had seen twinkling in the blonde's eyes just minutes ago. But if that was so, perhaps she didn't actually love her at all; perhaps this was just lust. She was hopeful.

Forcing a smile before closing the file and standing, Emily walked towards JJ and, after checking that no one was around, she perched herself against the desk and pulled the blonde a little closer, her lips already ghosting across the sensitive skin of the blonde's neck. "So, what did he want?"

"He.." JJ hesitated, confused by Emily's reaction and somewhat lost to the lips that she couldn't help but remember were teasing her in a room full of cameras, and she reluctantly pushed away. "He wants to know if I wanna go for a drink tomorrow night. He's in town for a couple of days."

Emily's stomach clenched once more, both at the new revelation and the way in which JJ had pushed her away. Of course she understood why she had done that, and briefly scolded herself for not thinking rational, but her ability to think rationally had abandoned her the moment that she allowed Jennifer Jareau to seduce her into this fantasy that she wasn't even certain she wanted to be a part of anymore.

"Okay." She nodded with a forced smile before grabbing her go-bag. "So, you ready to go?"

JJ was hurt. She watched Emily for a second as it dawned on her that she didn't really seem bothered at all by the possibility of her with someone else, and a sudden anger and stubbornness washed through her. "I told him to pick me up at seven." She blurted out as she picked up her own bag from Emily's desk and headed towards the elevator. "Let's go."

Emily lagged behind for a second, fighting back the urge to throw up as graphic, taunting images of JJ and Will coursed through her mind. Shaking them off and storing them along with her feelings in the compartments of her brain, she caught up to the blonde agent.

It didn't take long for them to begin their usual ritual after they made it passed JJ's front door, but there was something different this time; something a little more carnal, desperate, forceful. Like they were searching for a release far greater than they had ever needed, an escape that lay just out of reach in a place that was dark and bottomless and threatening.

Emily was struggling to keep her thoughts at bay; it just wasn't working anymore. As every mental image that she thought she'd locked away came pouring out, she pushed herself against JJ with a little more force than usual, kissed her with a little more ferocity, and nipped unapologetically at delicate skin. She was flailing in this escape that had suddenly become a brutal reality check.

And if JJ wasn't so lost in her own anger, she may have noticed the change. But she _was_ lost; her thighs parting eagerly as she resigned herself fully to the fact that she was simply Emily's toy, her actions encouraging the untypically rough brunette as she did the very same thing that she had on that first night and forced Emily's fingers where she needed them the most.

And if Emily wasn't drowning so badly in her own mind, she would have noticed the correlation too. But the movie reel in her mind was relentless. As Will ran his stubbly mouth over the blonde's neck, she bit there almost hard enough to draw blood; as eager, tan hands wondered south and stroked at Will's cock, she pinned those hands to the mattress; and as JJ parted her thighs for the detective and smirked with fake innocence at the make believe camera in her brain, she added a third finger and thrust with relentless abandon.

It wasn't make believe anymore. This was excruciating and so fucking real.


	6. The Gift

**Author's Note:** Just a short chapter. Ridiculously short. In fact, it can hardly be called a chapter; but it is necessary, and I didn't want to force some more text just for the sake of it being a sufficient length. Maybe I just wanted to let you all stew a little longer before you find out what happens with Will and JJ. :)

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Criminal Minds.

* * *

**THE GIFT**

The scream that ripped from JJ's lips and tore through the rush of sound in Emily's mind almost pushed tears from her eyes, more so than the hands that reached for her - the hands that never reached for her but now wouldn't seem to let up. She knew that it was fake comfort that the blonde was needing - the same semblance of comfort that she herself had searched for many times in her younger years after a meaningless encounter with some nameless guy or girl - and as she acquiesced and wrapped her arms around JJ's small frame, she clutched and grabbed and clasped at any tethering rope that she could find in her own mind to keep her on solid ground. She had hit rock bottom, she knew what this really was now without any room for question, and she could not allow herself to fall further into the fantasy when that was all that it was; a fantasy.

But the needy fingers that traced almost desperately down her toned abdomen caught her off guard and dropped her some place where she was helpless. She tried to get out, tried to regain the power that JJ's wondering hand had over her and tried to resist the temptation of the climax that she knew that she couldn't fight tonight. But then that wondering hand stopped, the body against her shifted, moving her onto her side and then molding against her back, and those fingers that always seemed to rip her pretend world apart with ease teased along her inner thigh from behind as the subtly thrusting hips against her arse fueled her imagination.

"What would you like, Emily?" JJ asked the question that was so laced with crytpicism that she almost felt angry that Emily hadn't noticed. What _did_ Emily want? _This_? "This?" She verbalised the thought as her fingers glided through Emily's wet folds, thankful that the brunette was facing away and couldn't see the pained look on her face at each whimper that fell from full, parted lips.

Emily turned her face further away and buried it into the plush, white pillow as she fell victim to those teasing fingers. This was one of her favourite positions and JJ knew that. God dammit, JJ knew that and she was using it as yet another means to manipulate her into her game, to push her further into the flame, to prevent her from leaving. Why couldn't she just let her go? She had Will now; why did she need her too?

"Or maybe you need this."

JJ's words were firm, but the bitterness in them was lost on Emily as three fingers stretched and filled her from behind, and she naturally allowed her own leg to wrap backwards around JJ's, opening herself further to the fingers that she was losing to. But they felt exquisite and for a moment she forgot that this was, indeed, losing. It felt an awful lot like winning.

"Is that what you want, baby?" JJ's voice almost broke but somehow she held back the telling lump in her throat as she thrust deeper into Emily's pussy, but the surge of emotions in her veins won over when she gained no response, and she couldn't help the fingers that tangled tightly in raven hair, twisting the brunette's euphoric face to meet hers, just as she couldn't help the demand that jumped from her lips almost angrily. "Tell me!"

"Yes!" Emily whimpered, her arse thrusting back against JJ and her delicious fingers with abandon now, and with no care for the fact that it was almost a certainty that the blonde could see every secret etched across her blissful face.

JJ's heart broke. It was unfair to feel anything negative towards Emily when the brunette had no clue what she had really been asking - she knew that - but she couldn't help it and her disappointment and heart break manifested itself in fingers and words and teeth, all pushing and biting and taunting Emily to the orgasm that was apparently the only reasoning for their little trysts. "Rub your clit, Emily. Help me give you what you _want_."

She missed the bitterness in JJ's words once again as she blindly followed the command, wholly lost now to the promise between her unashamedly parted thighs as she rubbed in time with the blonde's relentless thrusts. She could feel herself tightening around JJ's fingers, that familiar feeling somewhere deep inside telling her that the end was nigh - in more ways than one.

Silent tears descended JJ's eyes and she buried her face into the brunette's hair, unable to look at her anymore. She didn't want Emily to see her tears, to figure out why they were there; she quite simply wanted her to come and then leave. To just go and leave her alone to figure out how to get herself out of this tangled web that she had woven. But as Emily did come, her impossibly short fingernails cutting into her skin and undeniably sexy, _beautiful_, whimpers falling from her lips as she did, JJ softened; her repeated sentiment almost soothing as she coaxed Emily through the last ripples of pleasure. "Come for me, baby. Come for me.."

But those soothing words for Emily were more like mocking pin pricks to her heart; stabbing and hurting just enough to make her notice but not enough for her to drastically force the pain to stop. So as her orgasm seized, JJ's whispered words still gushing through her ear as shaking fingers were removed from her still spasming pussy, she rolled over, wrapped her arms around the blonde and pressed their lips together; silencing the words and giving her one more moment of ignorance.

But what she didn't know, was that on the other side of that kiss, on the other side of the embrace that kept JJ's face buried in her chest and out of her line of sight, was that sad, blue eyes were staring regretfully, hopelessly; and thirty minutes later, once she was certain that JJ was fully asleep, she reluctantly untangled herself from that goddess-like body, pulled on her discarded clothes with a little more difficulty than usual and headed for the door. She couldn't help it, she looked back, and the moment that her eyes fell upon the peacefully sleeping blonde, she silently scolded herself for being so stupid. _Call yourself intelligent? Heh, look where that lead you. You're nothing but a fool for her.  
_

The journey home was spent arguing with herself, spinning in circles and twisting and whirling and jumping back and forth between right and wrong, between stupidity and a painful clarity, between lust and what - even in the face of certainty - she was still trying to convince herself wasn't love. And as she stopped at a red light - a flash of red in her own mind as one reality became suddenly indisputable - her open palms met the steering wheel with enough force to almost shatter the tiny bones in them. "God dammit, Emily! So fucking stupid!"

Her foot touched the floor as the lights changed, her car screeching off and disturbing the silence of the quiet neighbourhood as she replayed one mantra in her mind. _Never fall in love with someone who is out of your league.._

Pulling up outside her building almost thirty minutes later, having taken the long route home, she climbed out of her car with a little more composure. Every part of her insides still twisted and contorted painfully, but in the place where she felt it mattered - on the surface - she looked no different. Even if she was so distracted once she finally made it into the building and to her floor that she almost tripped over the item on her doormat. It wasn't until her palm met the door to stop herself from actually falling that the large bouquet of flowers resting against the wall even entered her conscious mind.

She stared at them confused for a second, blinked several times as her mind tried to figure out who they could be from. _JJ?_ She immediately thought, almost hoping. _Don't be stupid, Prentiss. Why the hell would JJ buy you flowers? JJ doesn't even have dinner with you before she wants you to fuck her. Get real.  
_

With that last thought, frustrated that every damn thing always came back to JJ, Emily bent down to pick up the bouquet as she unlocked her front door and entered her condo. Struggling to hold them, she locked the door behind her and headed towards the kitchen, placing them on the counter before ridding herself of her holster, phone and credentials. She figured that she should put the flowers in water but was too tired to care and opted instead for watching TV for a while, hoping and needing to quiet her wondering mind, at least to enough of a minimum to allow her even a couple of hours of sleep. But as she idly flicked on the TV with the remote and turned to head towards her sofa, she noticed a small, white card poking out in amongst the flowers.

Lifting the card to view, Emily read the words written in black ink and stared blankly for a few moment, feeling almost as though she should recognise what she was reading and yet at the same time had no clue why that would be. She was far too tired to care though, far too exhausted to figure out that conundrum too along with the one that was Jennifer Jareau, and without another thought she tossed it to the counter, wandered into the living room and collapsed against the plush cushions of her sofa.


	7. Admirer

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds. Unfortunately.

* * *

**ADMIRER**

_3 Days Ago_

Waking up to the sound of a young guy on the TV rambling about the apparently gorgeous weather, Emily lifted her head and squinted in an attempt to get her bearings back; the ache of her back indicating that she had never made it to her bed last night before the couch itself confirmed that, and the bright morning light shining in through her large, front windows causing her eyes to scrunch up and remind her of the tension headache that seemed to throb throughout her whole body.

She was on her own sofa, in her own house, and as she finally trusted that, she relaxed a little. _I must have been more exhausted than I realised. _But as she sat herself upright and stretched, the ache that had eased a little as she had flopped back down against the cushions reminded her that she had no reason to relax at all. After last night, she had no desire to see JJ and she certainly had no desire to see her on such little sleep; a thought that prompted her to glance over to the clock on her kitchen wall.

"8 o'clock! Shit-shit-shit!" She cursed to herself as she jumped from the sofa and ran frantically upstairs to take a quick shower and throw on some clean clothes.

The water barely even made it to a heated temperature before she was jumping out again, grabbing the first shirt and pants that she came to, brushing her teeth and running back downstairs to grab her gun, credentials and keys from the counter.

It took her fifteen minutes to arrive at work, ensuring that she was only thirty minutes late; considering that she had actually only been _awake_ for thirty minutes, she was fairly impressed with that time. But as she walked by JJ's car, her heart sank, and sank further as she caught her sad and lifeless reflection in the window of that car. She quickly straightened out her disheveled appearance, brushing a hand through her still wet hair and tugging on the waist of her shirt as boarded the elevator. She had this; she could do this.

But her heart sank once again as she stepped out onto the floor of the BAU and was immediately met with the knowing eyes of Derek Morgan. _Oh, crap.._

"Morning, Prentiss. Good night?" He laughed, nodding towards the mess that was still Emily's hair.

"Huh?" She looked at him confused before realising that she'd missed a bit. "Oh.. Uh, I woke up late."

Before Morgan had the chance to say anything else, Garcia came barging down the hall as if on a mission.

"Emily. Puh-lease. They have been sat on your desk since I got here this morning, and it's driving me out of my wonderful mind trying to stop myself from snooping." The analyst blurted out animatedly, pointing a sparkly-tipped finger towards Emily's desk.

"Wo-hoah, princess! Someone has an admirer!" Morgan grinned as he looked in the same direction as Garcia.

His banter was lost on Emily as she too noticed the object of Garcia's frustration, and the gift that she had forgotten in amongst her own haze the night previous returned to her mind. Curiously, she walked over to her desk, Morgan and an impatient Garcia in tow, and reached down to pick up the card from in between the flowers.

As she read over the words, the profiler in her kicked into alertness, but she was soon interrupted. "Did you see who-"

"Let me see that." Garcia, frustrated at still having to wait, pushed passed Morgan and snatched the card from Emily's hand.

Looking over the card, then turning it to see the back as if there should be more content to it, confusion washed over Garcia's face. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Cryptic much? This girl better be hot, Em." She shook her head and threw the card to the desk in disappointment before heading back to her office. That really had not been worth all the excitement that she had put into it, especially that early in the morning.

"From _Miss Last Night_, are they? You sure must have left an impression on the girl. I didn't even know they _made_ bouquets that big." Morgan joked.

Emily didn't respond, her mind distracted as she tried to remember the words written on the note left with the previous bouquet in the hope of making a connection as to who could be sending them. It didn't make sense, none of it did. Was this someone's idea of a joke?

"What do _you_ think, JJ?"

But with those words, her head shot up. At first she was like a deer caught in headlights, but she'd be lying if she said that she wasn't curious and at least a little smug at how she hoped that JJ would react to her getting flowers from some secret admirer. She was clutching at straws still and doing so in such a childish manner that didn't suit her at all, and she knew it, but nothing that she did these days seemed to suit her anymore.

"Very nice. Someone has an admirer." JJ replied simply, pretending not to care and succeeding just enough.

"That's what I said. Except she won't tell me who." Morgan pouted, casting a glance from JJ back to Emily, completely missing the exchanged looks between the two woman.

Emily attempted to explain, feeling suddenly guilty for allowing JJ to think that she had someone else in her life. "It's not tha-"

"Well maybe she just wants to keep her options open. No use getting in too deep with one person, eh." JJ's smile, the one that Emily was certain was only there so as not to raise any suspicions with Morgan, was the only thing that belied her slightly bitter undertone as she spun and immediately headed towards her office.

Emily blinked; what reason did JJ have to be bitter towards _her_? What the hell had _she_ done? What had she missed? This whole situation had been JJ's idea in the first place and _she_ was the one who was seeing two people at once, so why was it that Emily felt so damn guilty?

"Morgan. Don't." She stated firmly, stopping him before he had the chance to say a word.


	8. No Matter How Hard You Try

**Author's Note:** Thanks to my friend for helping me come up with the title for this, and the following chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

**NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY;**

_If she can do it, so can I_, JJ thought to herself angrily as she left work for the day, catching a brief glimpse of Emily as she did. The flowers still sat on the desk along side the brunette providing a reminder of everything that she would never completely have, of everything that she never really had in the first place.

She hadn't been able to bring herself to be in the company of Emily all day. She was too angry that the brunette clearly didn't share her feelings, though she knew that she had no right to be. She'd made a mistake in letting her jealousy show earlier that day; it certainly wasn't going to do her any favours and honestly, she knew that Emily had technically done nothing wrong. It was what they had agreed on in the beginning, and more than that, it was she herself who had even suggested it. But tonight, she was seeing Will, and what better opportunity to prove, to herself also, that she didn't care. She was falling back on old reliable once again - using sex as a way to escape - and she hated herself for it, but the come down from the drug that Emily had proved herself to be was excruciating; she needed something to ebb the withdrawals, get her back to her old self. And in that moment, she lost any semblance of decency and neglected to entertain the truth that she was simply using one escape route to escape another.

Later that evening though, as she perched herself on the end of her bed, dressed immaculately for a romantic even with someone who she no longer had any romantic feelings towards, JJ couldn't help but imagine, for just one brief moment, that she was actually preparing for a date with Emily; the date that they had never actually had. She wondered what Emily would think of her dress, where they'd go and what they'd do, whether she'd be nervous even though they were more than familiar with each other, and as she fell deeper into the fantasy, she felt herself begin to smile at the notion. But both unfortunately and thankfully, she was soon shaken from her thoughts by a knock at the door.

It wasn't as though she had forgotten what Will looked like, but as she opened the door and was met by the man standing before her, she felt suddenly disappointed; as if she had been expecting someone else. Maybe she hadn't shaken the thoughts of Emily as well as she'd thought. _What the hell am I doing?_ She sighed to herself even as a perfect smile crept across her face.

"Hey, chere. You look amazing." Will greeted, a goofy grin on his face. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, sure." JJ replied, turning her face away to hide her apparent disappointment as she grabbed her purse and locked the door behind her.

Approaching the bar some time later, JJ became suddenly aware of Will's hand on the small of her back, and even more aware of the feeling that this sent through her. It wasn't a feeling of electricity, or a feeling of excitement like she felt each and every time that Emily touched her, but more a feeling a nausea and the sudden need to get as far away from this small contact as possible.

She was relieved once they'd gotten their drinks and found a table, and was sure to sit opposite Will, making it difficult for him to touch her, even accidentally. But as they engaged in trivial conversation - the usual _how have you been_, and _whats new _- JJ found herself again wondering what she was doing in that situation. All she could think of was Emily. _Emily.. _

"So, how's Emily doing?" Will asked as if reading JJ's thoughts, shaking her from her daze.

Her blue eyes shot open. "Oh, um.. She's-she's good." JJ replied, feeling a little confused and even invaded by the strange coincidence.

"Good, good. She seeing anyone?" He continued as he took a sip of his beer.

_Hah. Well if today's over the top gesture is anything to go by, I'd say that she's **more** than seeing some_one._ God, jealousy really does not suit me. "_I don't really know. She's fairly private so.." JJ lied with a shrug, trying to hide what was forcing itself through her brain as she took a large gulp of her wine.

"Well, she's a good looking girl and-"

"Anybody would think that you'd rather be here with her." JJ spat out more harsh than she'd intended, cutting Will off and feeling instantly guilty for it. "I mean.. Let's talk about you." Her hand reached out immediately for his, hoping that the touch would distract him enough for him to not question her sudden outburst. "How's things been with you since we last spoke?"

"Well, it's been up and down.."

JJ couldn't make out what he said after that. She'd zoned out not along after asking the question that she cared very little to know the answer to, her mind firmly fixed on the one person who she was trying so desperately to forget. Her brain wondered in no real direction through thoughts of Emily; not necessarily the sexual ones, but mostly the simple everyday ones - the way that she licked the corner of her mouth when she was deep in thought, or about to break some bad news; the way her dark eyes lit up when she smiled; the way that her mothering instinct automatically took over when a child was involved in one of their cases; how she would make a brilliant mother; how she would love to be a mother with her; the flowers that she had received.. And at that last thought, JJ became once again angry with herself, once again irrationally angry with Emily.

"Are you okay? You seemed to disappear on me for a second there." Will asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

"Uh.. yeah. Sorry." JJ replied with a fake smile, snapping out of her daydream and turning her attention to the man in front of her. "Do you wanna get out of here?"

Will thought for a second, about to point out that they'd only just got there, but in seeing an opportunity, he replied with a smile. "Yeah, why not."

They'd barely made it to Will's car before JJ lunged at him, pressing her lips firmly against his, as if trying to find evidence strong enough to force away her thoughts, confirm that anything that she felt for Emily wasn't real, that she'd feel the same for anyone who she was intimate with.

Will allowed himself a second to question what was happening before desire took over and he went along with the blondes advances. The side street where he had parked his car was dark, lit only at the far end by one street light and for a moment he felt guilty - was this really how she wanted to do this? But then he felt her hand work it's way into his pants and stroke down his while length and he was lost.

"You should unlock the car." JJ spoke quickly, almost desperately as she stroked his cock; a desperation that wasn't the result of desire, but more the result of the need to just get her fix. Emily was flashing in her mind in bursts of colour and it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore it. She couldn't breathe; she needed this.

With one last questioning look at JJ through his heavy lust-filled eye lids, Will quickly fumbled to unlock the car as JJ ran around to the passenger side and climbed in. He'd barely even closed the door behind him before her hands was on his pants once again, unbuckling the belt and unzipping the fly enough to pull them to his knees. And when she freed his cock from his boxers and it met the cold air of his vehicle, the moan that left his lips signified the last semblance of his own decency leaving.

JJ stroked his cock slowly as she awkwardly forced his hand against her own heat. The point of this was to forget Emily, and yet she was still bringing Emily into it. She was almost grateful when her own maneuver to wrap her lips around the tip of his member rendered him unable or unwilling to touch her anymore and instead pressed his hand to the back of her head.

"Oh fuck, JJ.." Will hissed his pleasure as JJ's hot, wet mouth descended around him. In the back of his brain, something was telling him that this was totally wrong, but his other brain was winning in this scenario, and as JJ bobbed her head up and down as she licked and sucked, he was completely lost. "Mmmm.. Oh that's it baby, so fucking good.."

JJ blocked out his words, tried in vain to pretend that his grunts of pleasure were Emily's somehow elegant moans, and as her mouth worked Will into a frenzy, she used her free hand to toss her own panties to the ground in preparation for what she hoped would finally erase the brunette from her mind. But as she pulled her mouth back, moved into a straddling position over his thighs to lower herself down onto his cock, her own blue eyes met his and she stopped suddenly.

"Oh god.." She almost whispered as she quickly moved away from him, her hand against her lips as she realised just what she had done. "I-I can't do this. I'm so sorry, I.."

"It's okay, JJ." Will tried to reassure as he fixed his clothing and covered himself; his own guilt plaguing him. "I should never have allowed this to happen, I'm just.. I'm human, you know? But I'm sorry, Jayje." He wasn't trying to make excuses, he was simply trying to figure out if that really had been his fault, and if it had, why he had let himself do such a thing? He wasn't that kind of guy.

"Oh no, don't be sorry! Please, it was my fault!" JJ spoke frantically, her hands going out as she tried to reassure the detective and erase her own guilt, before looking down at the ground and continuing in defeat. "I-I think it'd be best if you took me home.."

Saying nothing, frankly unsure of what he _should_ say, Will simply nodded in agreement and turned the key in the ignition. One half of him was still focused on the painful erection in his pants, but he couldn't ignore the look in JJ's eyes; it was like she was searching for answers when she didn't even know the question, and he knew that feeling - it was the same feeling that he'd felt before they'd parted ways years ago, the same feeling that he felt right now, actually.

The journey back to JJ's was spent mostly in silence and Will had barely gotten them into the driveway before the blonde was wishing him well and exiting the car, desperate to get as far away from him as possible, as far away from everything that had just unfolded as possible, as far away from _herself_ as possibly. But softly spoken words snapped her from her own mind.

"JJ.." Will paused until the blonde crouched a little and looked him in the eye through the passenger side door. "Is it Emily?"

She had no chance to stop her sob before it broke free from her lips and Will was out of the car and holding her within a second, humming soft, comforting words into her ear as he stroked back her hair.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay." He didn't have all the pieces to the puzzle, but he was almost certain of what image the pieces that he did have equated to. "Did she hurt you? Because if she did-"

"No." JJ managed to force out as she pulled back from his chest and swiped at her tears. "It isn't her fault."

"Then what is it, chere?"

The only emotion in Will's eyes was concern; genuine concern that had no ulterior motive, and JJ found herself stuck somewhere between wanting to push away what she was certain that she didn't deserve, and wanting to dive head on into it and welcome it's ease and clarity. But then she grew angry with herself; how was she _still_ contemplating using him? Shaking her head, she lied. "We just had an argument, that's all."

"It doesn't seem like that to me." Will spoke seriously. Yep, he did know that look in her eyes, because he was certain that it was the same look that was in his own eyes right now as he pieced something together. "It seems like you've had your heart broken, Jayje."

"Yeah, well.." JJ shrugged, trying desperately to smile it all away. "I deserve no more than that."

"Hey, that isn't true at all." Will grabbed JJ's arms and forced her to look at him, speaking from his heart the words of wisdom that she would never know were only in his mind because of her; because of what he'd learnt from his feelings for her. "JJ, sometimes we get our heart broken. Sometimes that's someone elses fault, and sometimes that's our fault." He didn't know the details of what had happened between her and Emily, but if what had just happened in the car was anything to go by, he wasn't certain that JJ's pain was wholly Emily's fault. "But what I do know is that if you really do love someone, it doesn't matter what they've done, what they do. You have to fight for them until you are 100% certain that you've done all you can and that.. that it's just genuinely not meant to be." He paused for a moment, contemplating his next words. He had vowed to never tell JJ how he felt about her if he found that she didn't reciprocate, but he himself was already on the final step of the advice that he was currently giving, and finally finding that closure meant doing what he had always vowed he wouldn't. "That's what I did.."

JJ heard the implications in Will's words and suddenly felt more guilt than she ever had. "Oh god, Will.. I am so sorry. I didn't-I didn't know."

"It's okay. Honestly, it really is." And it really was. He had had plenty of years to come to terms with the prospect that him and JJ would never be anything real, and the point of tonight was simply to confirm that - a confirmation that he had certainly received and a part of him actually felt relieved at that. "I have closure now, Jayje. I think you need that too. You need to find out whether the person you love.. Whether _Emily_, could ever really be yours, and if she can't, you need to let her go with grace." Stepping forward and placing a kiss upon JJ's forehead, Will spoke one more time before turning to leave. "Goodbye, JJ. Take care."

JJ simply watched him go, her mind split between his admission and his advice. She hated that she'd hurt him. It had never been what she had set out to do, but as he sped off into the night, she couldn't help but divert her attention to the rest of his words; the ones that told her unequivocally that this with Emily had to come to an end.

She was already filtering through her contact list before she made it into her house, searching for Emily's name before she lost the nerve. She hit call instantly, afraid that her courage would abandon her, and with knots in her stomach, she slowly lifted the phone to her ear.. only to be greeted by a robotic, female voice informing her that the number in question wasn't available at the minute, and that she could leave a message if she wished to do so.

But JJ didn't leave a message, JJ didn't do anything except drop the phone to the ground in defeat. Along with a slight bout of concern for Emily's well-being - the brunette never turned off her phone without good reason - she was totally fucking lost. It had taken all that she had to build the courage to call Emily; it had been months in the making and involved her throwing herself at Will and then having Will kick her in the right direction before finding that courage.. and in the wake of her failed attempt, there was no getting it back.


	9. You Can't Deny It

**Disclaimer:** As usual, I do not own Criminal Minds.

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**YOU CAN'T DENY IT.**

Emily barely saw JJ for the remainder of that day; she had purposely kept herself to herself. The blonde was never far from her thoughts though, and that, joined with trying to figure out who the hell was sending her flowers and ominous messages, as well as the constant niggle of JJ's imminent date with Will, left Emily desperately craving the escape of her apartment; the seclusion and the safety that it's walls provided. The relentless pace of her mind was tiring in itself, but having to pretend that there was nothing bothering her in a room full of profilers was becoming exhausting.

Finally making it home, Emily breathed a visible sigh of relief and felt her whole body relax with the click of her front door behind her. After showering and changing into something more comfortable, the brunette poured herself a glass of red wine, curled up on her sofa and just watched the world drift by through her floor to ceiling height windows that overlooked DC.

_JJ would love this.. _She imagined herself sat with the blonde's head resting gently on her lap, neither saying a word but simply enjoying the comfortable silence and the peaceful view before them; _together_. But as beautiful as that image was, it was also incredible sadistic too - why was her mind constantly conjuring up things simply to hurt her?

Sighing heavily, Emily shook away her thoughts and searched for something, anything, else. Little did she know, that that would be the only moment in all of this where she was grateful for the puzzle that was the two gifts that she had received since last night.

Heading to the kitchen and then to her jacket in the hall, Emily collected the two cards that she'd received along with the flowers before heading back to the sofa. A little more relaxed, she figured she'd have more chance of deciphering the messages. It was blatantly obvious that something wasn't quite right; her profiler sense was tingling and as she read through each word, a shiver ran down her spine at the idea of the whole thing. Not only did whoever was sending them know where she lived, they also knew where she worked and that was something that chilled Emily to the core. That was where her family was.

The brunette, after her failed attempt earlier that day, had decided against sharing her concern with her friends, or letting them in on the fact that it wasn't the first gift. Though a part of it was simply her being stubborn since Morgan had teased her so much, for the most part, it was fear. She recognised the words that she'd read over and over, and though for the life of her she couldn't figure out why, they brought with them the feeling of dread. Her past was nothing if not paved with mines, and until she'd made the connection and figured just how much danger they lead to, she wasn't about to bring her friends in. She couldn't risk that.

Staring at the cards in front her, she briefly entertained the idea of bringing JJ in on her concern; very briefly, but that's all it took to shatter her relaxed state of mind. Why was it that every damn thought that she had ultimately lead her back to JJ? She missed her old self. She missed the days when JJ brought out confidence and a strange sense of contentment in her - where the hell had that gone? Oh, that's right; it had disappeared along with her dignity in the moment that she allowed herself to become a fuck buddy.

With her previously relaxed, clear mind plagued beyond repair once again, she threw the cards to the coffee table and flicked on the television in the hope of silencing her brain - but it was no good. She knew exactly where JJ was tonight and her torturous mind wasn't about to let her forget it.

Over and over, her mind ran with thoughts of JJ and Will. What were they doing right now? Was she fucking him in the very bed that she had fucked her? Was his lips tasting places that she wished only she was allowed to taste? Was he causing the delectable sounds that she herself reveled in each time that she touched JJ?

But as the moving images lingered uninvited in her brain, it dawned on Emily that she had no right to be jealous. No right at all. She had agreed to this. Wasn't she the one who was so desperate not to relinquish JJ's touch that she resigned herself to a constant loop of torture? Wasn't she the one who had been constantly telling JJ with her silence that she absolutely did not care what she did? What right did she have to be angry, when technically, she herself had been the one to break the rules by falling for JJ?

All of that was true, but it was also true that she couldn't do it any longer; she couldn't pretend that she was happy with a meaningless fuck every now and then. There was only one way out of this now. Whether she told JJ of her feelings or not, their agreement had to come to an end. For good. She wasn't sure how she'd breathe without the drug that she had become used to, and she wasn't excited about the awkward path that this lead them down professionally, but it couldn't be any worse than this. If you love something, you should let it free.. and she planned to do just that.

Either disregarding or completely forgetting the fact that JJ was with Will, she scrolled through her phone but as soon as she saw JJ's name written in white - pure, innocent white - on her screen, she stopped. _Who are you kidding, Emily?_ Her brain taunted. _You know very well that as soon as she answers this call, you'll make up some bullshit story about work._

That was all it took. That one brief hesitation and her mind had found it's way in; worming through her courage like a parasite, sucking her of every ounce of strength until she found the off button and held it down, almost crushing the phone in her palm as her last tendrils of strength abandoned her. If anyone needed her, they could call her home phone - she just, for the first time, wholly hoped that that someone wouldn't be JJ.


	10. Confessions

**Author's Note: **Well, it's definitely been a while. I'm sorry about that one, but hopefully, my updates will be more frequent now. These next two chapters should wrap up a great deal; then I can get on with getting back to the point of this story. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this so far, and to everyone who has reviewed/favourited/alerted/etc. You're amazing.

**Author's Note 2:** My apologies to Jay-Leigh17 for taking so long to keep my side of the bargain. But you're awesome so I know you'll forgive me. :)

**Disclaimer: **As usual, I do not own Criminal Minds. However, if I did, AJ Cook and Paget Brewster would still have full time roles. Stupid CBS.

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**CONFESSIONS **

_2 Days Ago_

Needless to say, both agents had a less than great nights sleep that night. Each lay in bed staring at their ceiling until the early hours, exhausted but unable to sleep; their minds firmly focused on each other but completely unaware that not too far away, the other was playing out the exact same routine.

After finally getting a mere few hours of sleep, Emily opened her eyes and found herself smiling. Genuinely smiling. Memories of the dream that she'd just drifted from ran through her mind like a luxurious summer breeze and filled her belly with a strange warmth that radiated up through her chest. But that moment of perfection soon turned putrid and painful, fleeted from her in the blink of an eye as she remembered that in this world, in reality, JJ was not hers and she never would be. Not really. To the naked eye, her dreamy reality had been nothing but trivial, insignificant and pointless; but to her, to her who longed for such simplicity over the returning hammering in her brain, that scenario was pure heaven.

Arriving at work an hour or so later, Emily walked silently, almost dejected, over to her desk. She did not want to be interrupted today; she didn't have the energy for the pretence necessary to avoid unwanted questions, and she certainly didn't have the energy for the pitying yet happy look that she was certain she'd see in bright blue eyes - the one that told her that JJ's evening with Will had been perfection, the catalyst to end their relationship. If you could even call it that. So instead, her intention was to keep herself to herself, get on with her work and make it through this damn day that she wished was already over. For the first time since she first joined the BAU, when she was longing for the opportunity to prove herself, she found herself actually hoping for a case; at least that way she wouldn't have the time to think, there would be no time for her friends to profile her because they'd be too busy profiling serial killers, and there would be no time for JJ to offer crumbs of sympathy that she just did not want.

Thankfully, the brunette was granted a few hours of solace; in which time no case came up, but she was at least left alone. She sat at her desk, buried in paper work, and for that short time, she had actually forgotten about everything. Her old compartmentalisation skills seemed to be kicking in, and she was able to focus on the task at hand, rather than the blonde who unknowingly had her heart and was crushing into her perfect hands.

By the time that lunch time approached, Emily had completely lost track of even what day it was. She was on her fourth cup of coffee and had already wrapped up the paperwork for three cases, about to start on the fourth.

"Hey, hot stuff."

The voice startled her and she looked up from her paper work for the first time in over four hours, smiling as she saw Morgan stood before her. Emily didn't realise it before but she _needed_ him; she needed his banter, and she needed the warmth that she always seemed to feel in his company, and she just.. she just needed him.

"Lunch?" He question as he leant against her desk.

Emily looked at him puzzled before glancing briefly at the time on her computer screen. She read 12:07, and after wondering for a second how the hell she'd managed to let the past four hours completely slip her by, she lifted her head to answer him but he interrupted.

"I'm not taking no for an answer, so don't bother." He had a warm smile playing across his lips and Emily knew in that second that his determination would out-weigh any that she had of declining his offer, however busy she claimed to be.

She wasn't busy. In fact, her determination to shut off her mind had enabled her to almost have finished everything that she'd had waiting for her when she'd arrived that morning and had actually set her miles ahead of where she needed to be deadline-wise. No, the real reason that she didn't want to be alone with him was because she knew that all it would take was one split second of accidentally letting her guard down, and one genuine and softly spoken sentence, and she'd be powerless to preventing herself from baring all. It was what she needed, of course; to unload everything, to share the feelings that she'd forced herself to keep guarded and locked away. But if she spoke of them, there would be no pretending anymore; they'd become real, and she knew that she could never take them back. They'd either be the butt of his jokes for years to come or they'd end up in the hands of Garcia, which of course would mean that eventually, they would make their way to JJ and..

Her mind spun and spun with all the over-thought possibilities of what could happen, and she finally wound herself into a knot so tight that even she couldn't think her way out of it. Her response jumped from her lips for her as her brain took pity on her and threw her a lifeline. "Sure."

The two opted for fast food. Emily typically stayed away from fast food, but realising that she couldn't actually remember the last time that she had eaten, she figured that it was better than nothing. After pulling away from the drive-thru of a local burger place, they drove to a fairly quiet spot to park up and eat their lunch. The pair ate mostly in silence; both people watching, and only spoke occasionally to make a joke about some poor unfortunate that had just passed by.

Once their lunches were finished, Emily's touched but just barely, it was Morgan who spoke first. He'd spent the majority of the silence trying to find the words to approach the subject with Emily - to let her know that he knew, that he knew everything, and after coming up short, her decided instead to jump in at the deep end. "You need to tell her, Em."

Emily almost choked on her coffee. She'd at least thought that she could've played a little, tested the waters and jumped out if it was too dangerous. But his not so subtle approach left her no wiggle room. Still, not wanting to divulge any unnecessary information, in case in her fear she had misunderstood his words, she decided to play it coy. "Tell.. who.. what?"

Morgan smiled at her feeble attempt of pretending to be oblivious before continuing. "Don't play with me, Emily. _JJ_. I know about all of it, the whole love affair."

She knew that there was no misunderstanding that one, no chance of even pretending. All she'd achieve is possibly insulting his intelligence and that was kind of unfair since he'd somehow gotten past her infamous skills for hiding in plain sight. Instead of pretending to be surprised, Emily sighed in defeat and asked the only question that she could. "How?"

Happy that she'd not denied anything, Morgan turned fully in his seat so that he was facing the brunette before he began. "First of all, I didn't properly until now. I mean, I did, but I needed confirmation, and you just gave me that. Also ya know, over the past few months there's been a considerable increase in the amount of times that the both of you had just had to _nip off to sort a few things_." He said that last part with a grin before softening the smile slightly. "I'm a profiler, Em. There's really no getting away from that. It's my job to notice things and it's kinda engrained into me."

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Emily was secretly glad that he hadn't; she wouldn't have had any clue what to say to him. Hell, she didn't even know what to say to him now. But she was curious as to what had made him hold off.

"It wasn't any of my business." After noticing the look that Emily gave him at that statement - a look that questioned why it was suddenly his business now - Morgan added. "It wasn't any of my business until I realised that there was a hell of a lot more to the situation for you. It's obvious you're hurting and despite the rumours I am actually a good guy. I couldn't continue making jokes and pretending to be oblivious when I knew that you were so upset."

Emily smiled at her friend. The majority of her was overwhelmed with crippling fear, but that was surprisingly eased by the fact that it was Morgan who had figured it out. In fact, that was eased by Morgan as a whole.

"So how long have you known?" He questioned as he took a sip of his own drink.

"Known?" She probably should have known what he meant but her mind was in a million places.

"That there's more there for you than just sex." Morgan clarified.

Turning her gaze back towards towards the window, Emily sat silently for a while before answering. "I don't know. For a while I suppose. Huh.. maybe even from the beginning. I think I just didn't want to admit it." God, she hated how exposed she was.

Sensing his friends discomfort, Morgan reached across and took her fidgeting hands in his as an attempt to calm them. "You need to tell her, princess. This isn't good for either of you."

Emily knew that. She knew that the situation would only get worse, she knew that she couldn't pretend that their 'meetings' meant nothing to her any longer, and she knew that actually, she had known it all along. Turning to face Morgan properly for the first time, she looked up at him like a scared child and asked. "What if she doesn't feel the same? What if I lose her completely? And what about Will, Morgan? You know that she went on a date with him last night, right?"

"That's a chance you have to take, Em. You can't continue this way. I mean, how long did you think could pretend for?" Morgan paused for a moment as he considered her next question. He had had a discussion earlier that morning with Garcia about JJ's date with Will and given what he knew, he hadn't particularly liked what he had heard. The only reason that Garcia had said anything to him was because she was worried about JJ and he felt that he should have been too, but all he could focus on was how much it would kill Emily if she knew. So he opted for a little white lie and hoped that if she ever found out the truth, she would be understanding and forgiving. "As for Will, nothing worth mentioning happened between the two of them. And ya know, if all this goes to shit, you still got me!"

Emily let herself laugh slightly at his attempt to lighten the mood; it certainly didn't hurt either to hear the news regarding Will. And everything else that he'd said.. She'd already known herself, but having it pointed out so blatantly was like a shot of adrenaline to her veins.

With Morgan's words still running freely through her brain as they entered the bull pen a while later, Emily looked instantly to JJ's office before checking her watch and seeing that it was still lunch time; the blonde wouldn't be busy. She took one last glance at Morgan, receiving the reassuring look from him that she had been searching for and walked with determination into the fire.

As she approached, with a slight hesitation, Emily lifted her hand to knock, but was interrupted and startled as the door before her swung open; the sudden motion causing both women to stare at each other with wide eyes.

It was JJ who spoke first, her heart still pounding in her chest - Emily was the last person that she wanted to see today. "Oh. Hey, Em. I was just heading out for some lunch." She spoke as casually as possible, back in some kind of blissfully ignorant mode that actually, wasn't very blissful at all.

"Um.. Do you think we could talk first?" Emily asked, completely unsure of herself but she needed to do this and she needed to do it now.

"Yeah, sure. Come in." The blonde gestured, a feeling of dread washing through her. _She's going to tell me she doesn't want this anymore.._ She knew that that had been exactly what she had wanted to tell her herself just last night, but that was going to be under her terms. If Emily ended this now simply because she no longer had need for her, she knew that she would never find closure.

As if confirming her thoughts, before JJ had barely closed the door, Emily blurted out. "I don't want this anymore, Jayje."

JJ felt her stomach twist and bile creep up the back of her throat as she stared at the now closed door, but if she had learnt one thing from working with the media and serial killers, it was how to refrain from showing fear. So as she turned, she simply nodded and spoke calmly, as if subconsciously reassuring herself. "Okay. That's okay." Before helplessly blurting out a question that she immediately attempted to justify. "Why? I mean, neither of us wanted it to last forever anyway, but I'm just curious to know."

Emily's confidence faltered drastically at the clear implication in JJ's last sentence, but realistically, did it matter if JJ didn't want forever? Of course it did, but it didn't change the fact that she herself would rather have nothing at all than the constant reminder that forever had never been and never would be a possibility between them. She paced slightly, back and forth, back and forth, before finally willing her feet to stop and staring down at her fidgeting hands as she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down hard.

"I don't want this because.." She let her eyes meet with JJ's for the first time. It had taken every ounce of courage that she had ever possessed to get to this point and would take far more to say these words, but if she was going to get to say them once, she was going to say them with sincerity. She was going to make sure that JJ knew that she meant every single word. "Because you're more than an escape to me, JJ. You're not just a cheap fuck and for that matter, neither am I. And I can't continue to feel that I am when I am so.." She trailed off as her words became flustered, her palms sweating as she clasped them together and dropped her voice to a more calm level. "I can't continue to feel that way when I am so in love with you."


	11. The Comfort of Familiarity

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds. Nope.

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**THE COMFORT OF FAMILIARITY**

JJ's mouth opened and then closed again, and then opened.. The words just wouldn't come. When Emily had interrupted her lunch break, those certainly were not the words that she had expected to hear - hoped for them, yes, but expected them, definitely not. And now that she had them, she had no damn clue what to do with them. They were just words, right? Nothing major? Except it _was_ major, and huge, and everything that she would have wanted to hear had her call actually gone through last night and she had actually been able to make her own confessions.

But now.. "I.."

Before JJ had chance to even consider adding more to that barely-a-sentence sentence, there was a brief knock at the door followed immediately by a flash of red hair bursting through.

"Ready to grab some food, Jayje?" Garcia asked, oblivious to what she had just interrupted.

Emily looked to Garcia, then back to JJ before shaking her head and muttering to neither of them in particular. "I-I should go. Ton of paper work, ya know." She smiled despite herself and before JJ could stop her, she fled the room.

Both women watched Emily's retreating form; Garcia feeling like she'd completely missed something, JJ completely lost.

"_What_.. was that about? Why do I get the feeling that I chose the most inopportune moment to walk in here?" Garcia questioned looking back towards JJ, who's eyes were still fixed firmly in the direction that Emily had gone.

Sighing, JJ replied. "It's nothing, honestly. Shall we head out?" But it wasn't nothing; it was everything, and that everything had probably disappeared so far back inside herself that she would never find her again.

Grabbing the blonde's arm as she began to leave the room, Garcia stopped her. "No, no, no. You don't get out of it that easily."

JJ simply looked at her with a pleading look; begging her not to go there.

"Okay, sweetie. I won't push. But you can tell me anything. You know that, _right_?"

The blonde gave Garcia a relieved and grateful smile. "I know."

**CM-CM-CM**

By the time she had taken a seat at her desk, Emily's mind had already began to track over everything that had just unfolded. Maybe Garcia's interruption had been a blessing in disguise; maybe not knowing was better than rejection. Ignorance is, after all, bliss.

But a few minutes later as she looked up just as Garcia and JJ exited through the bull pen, that ignorance was shattered. She could see Garcia talking but the blonde wasn't paying attention. Instead, she was staring directly towards her. Emily felt trapped in those never-ending pools of blue and after a second, she looked down towards the papers in front of her until she was certain the pair had left. She couldn't take looking and not seeing any longer, because that's exactly what it was. Whether it was her own fear or her own hope causing it, she could not for the life of her figure out what was going on in JJ's mind.

**CM-CM-CM**

Outside, as the two women left the building and headed towards JJ's car, Garcia, unable to resist, began again. "I know I said I wouldn't push, but I'm not blind. And I think you could use a little guidance."

JJ stopped in her tracks. _What does she mean she's not blind?_

"Oh, come on." Garcia put her hands on her hips. "What was I talking about as we passed a certain brunette's desk?"

JJ said nothing; she couldn't because she honestly didn't know the answer. What she did know though, is that her silence had pretty much just proved any point that Garcia was attempting to make and she sighed in anticipation of the direction that she knew they were heading.

"Exactly. Second question. What shirt did Emily were to work, I dunno.. What the hell, let's say.. Last Friday?"

JJ couldn't help but smile at the thought. She remembered exactly what shirt Emily wore to work last Friday, and she remembered vividly how well it's deep red colour contrasted beautifully with her pale skin as she peeled it from her.

"Thought so. And my third and final question. Before I rudely interrupted, what was it that she said that has you on an entirely different planet right now?"

With that, JJ's smile just disappeared, just fell from her face like it had never been there. Not because the memory of hearing those words was negative, but because she knew that answering this final question would change everything. Silences; she could pretend were something else. Words; she could never take back.

Taking a deep breath, JJ answered, her words barely above a whisper. "She told me that she's in love with me."

"Wow.." Somehow, Garcia had not expected that. "I know I said that was my final question, but you do understand that I can't keep my word on that one now, right?"

That was what JJ was afraid of. With that, she raised an eyebrow at her friend, and continued to head towards her car; an almost excited Garcia following.

**CM-CM-CM**

After 30 minutes, the brunette finally realised that she'd read the same line at least fifty times and dropped her pen to her desk, flopped back in her chair and rubbed her temples. She had royally fucked up. Yesterday, she was certain that this couldn't get any worse, but somehow she had proved herself wrong.

Feeling a hands grasp suddenly at her shoulder, Emily jumped, breathing a sigh of relief as she turned to see Morgan standing behind her.

"How did it go?" He questioned, a concerned tone to his voice as he took in the clearly non-loved-up appearance of his friend.

"How do you _think_?" Emily replied more harsh than she'd intended before letting her head fall forward into her hands for a second. Finally - realising that Morgan wasn't the only profiler around - she brushed those hands through her hair and lifted her head with a whole new perspective that _she_ didn't even believe. "It doesn't matter. It's done now. It's over. And I can get back to having some normality in my life."

Before the other agent had the chance to say a word, Emily rose to her feet and headed out of the bullpen. She stopped at a vending machine to grab a drink and then continued on her journey to no particular destination. She just needed to be alone. She needed to replace a little more organisation to her thoughts that were currently scattered across the floor of her brain like thousands of tiny pins, poking and prodding her and reminding her that she should have listened long ago. She needed to get back to who she used to be before she had allowed herself to ruin a perfectly good friendship just for the sake of a shrouded love affair with JJ that shouldn't have actually involved the L word at all. She needed to be able to focus on her career, not pine over what she would never have. She needed to be able crawl back into her ignorant pit and lay to rest everything that Jennifer had disturbed.

After wondering aimlessly for a while, she came to a few seats situated in front of a large window and opted for taking a seat to finish her drink.

She simply allowed herself to think for a while; really think. She thought about how it would have been had Garcia not interrupted her conversation with JJ. Maybe the blonde felt the same? Emily liked that thought, but she couldn't dwell too much on _maybe_. Giving herself false hope would only cause her more pain and she didn't need much more of that right now. So after a further ten minutes of nothing but solid thinking, of entertaining those maybes, she closed up. Just like she had done long ago, long before JJ had tore down her walls. She smiled one last time at the thought of JJ reciprocating her feelings, at the thought of them being together, properly together, before placing the blonde into one of her many compartments; one at the very, very back of her mind, and locked her away completely.

Forever.

With an almost relieved sigh and the welcome realisation that she'd regained some control of her emotions, Emily stood, threw her empty can in the trash can, and headed back to the bullpen. She'd not been gone all that long, but she figured that if she didn't head back soon, someone would notice and ask questions; it was bad enough that Morgan knew and honestly, now that there really was no story to tell, any questions would just be salt to the wounds that she had just semi-healed.

She entered the bull pen with a new confidence; her old faithful skills had returned in full form. Or so she thought.

Smiling at Morgan who reciprocated with a confused look on his face, presumably at the sudden change in her behaviour, she took a seat at her desk. She didn't notice it at first, she was reveling too much in the comfort of familiarity; in the comfort of feeling herself again. Finally. But as she reached for her pen, she saw the folded piece of paper with her name written across it and her smile faded.

For a split second she assumed that it was another of the ominous messages that she' had been receiving as of late and goosebumps rose across every inch of her skin, but with a closer look, she realised that she recognised the handwriting. It was JJ's, and that didn't bring about a much better reaction in the profiler. Feeling as though her heart had forced it's way to her throat, Emily apprehensively reached for and unfolded the note, all sensible thought leaving her mind as she read over the words.

'_I don't want this anymore, either. You've always been more than a cheap fuck to me, always been more than I could ever tell you other than with my body. I'm not good at that, Emily. I don't know how to tell people that I hold genuine feelings for them because I've never really had them. But I'm telling you now..  
_

_I'm in love with you, too. I want all of you.'_


	12. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:** So, since you all kept your side of the bargain, I will keep mine. I will apologise for any lack of logic, though. The following two chapters were written long after I should have been tucked up in bed dreaming of anything other than psycho's and hot women. Well, that's partly true at least. ;)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

**NEW BEGINNINGS**

Emily read the note over several times; analysing each individual word and letter, searching for any possible alternative meaning to what JJ had written. There was none. There actually was none. The meaning was as black and white as it appeared in front of her, no matter how hard her over-thinking mind tried to twist it, and it really did try.

As the welcomed reality set in, she felt herself smile a real, genuine smile for the first time since she'd read those words; for the first time in longer than she could remember. And that smile soon turned to an idiotic grin as butterflies flapped around in her stomach. She felt like a teenager with a crush. No; she felt like a teenager _in love_. And she didn't care who knew it.

**CM-CM-CM**

JJ hadn't said a great deal to Garcia after they'd left the parking lot. She didn't actually need to; her silences spoke volumes.

The ever-curious technical analyst had actually managed to keep her words of wisdom to herself for the most part. She knew everything that she needed to know - what had happened with Will last night and the JJ's unspoken feelings for Emily - and ended the conversation with, "I think you know what you need to do, sweetie. That's all I'm saying."

And JJ did know what she needed to do. She didn't understand why it scared her though - she had been given the easy side of the bargain. But she had wanted this for so long, that now that it was within her reach, she didn't know what to do with it. Now it was real, there was a very real possibility of getting hurt; people say things that they don't mean, and what if Emily hadn't meant what she had said?

When the pair returned to work, JJ noticed immediately that Emily wasn't at her desk. She paused for a second and thought about whether she was really ready to take this leap. If she did this, everything changed. Not only would she, for the first time since she was young, be putting her heart on the line - something that she promised herself that she would never do again - but what about work? What about..

Excuses. That's all they were. Of course she was ready. And with that last thought in mind, she headed over to Emily's desk and proceeded to search for a pen and paper.

She didn't know where Emily was but she assumed that it wouldn't be long before she returned, so she quickly wrote down the first thoughts that came into her head. There was no time to read them over, and actually, there was no need to. They were straight from her heart, she meant every word, and the moment that she started picking them apart would be the moment where her courage would likely fail her.

A short while later, JJ sat tucked away in her office, nibbling her thumb, a content smile adorning her face - the smile for being so, so close to what she had wanted all along, the nervous gesture for the possibility that she had misunderstood completely. How could she have, though? What Emily had said was as clear as day.

She turned slightly and took a quick peak through the slits in her blinds. Down in the bull pen, she saw Emily return to her desk and her stomach began doing somersaults. Oh god, what if she _had_ misunderstood? What if what Emily had said _wasn't_ as clear as she had thought?

With her eyes wide she watched as Emily noticed the note and she didn't move an inch as she waited for the brunettes reaction; for some tell tale sign on her face that would let her know if she had in fact made a mistake. _Anything_.

But she didn't get it; she couldn't read Emily's expression and actually, there really was none. The older agent was still, her eyes fixed firmly on the note, no flicker of movement on her face or in her eyes or anywhere on her incredible damn body that gave JJ any kind of indication as to what she was thinking.

After a few moments more of secretly watching Emily from the safety of her office, JJ stood and began to pace. _What the hell have I done? Fuck, fuck. How could I have been so wrong?_

She muttered to herself for a while, trying to figure out a way that she could take it back; take back those words and pretend that actually, it was _Emily_ who had misunderstood. That would work, right? No, of course it wouldn't. She hadn't even just said them, she had written them down; they might as well be literally set in stone. _Fuck!_

So lost in her head, she almost jumped when her office door opened.

She and Emily stood for what seemed like an eternity, both staring at each other, daring the other to say or do something. It was Emily who moved first. Slowly, she turned and closed the door behind her before turning back to face JJ, who was still rooted to the spot, totally unsure of herself and the situation.

Without saying a word, Emily walked towards her and JJ immediately opened her mouth to speak; to begin the back-pedal that she'd been planning in her mind before Emily had appeared at her door, but she was soon silenced by soft lips against her own. A slight murmur was the only result of the words that she'd tried to speak and within seconds reality set in and she lifted her hands to cup Emily's face.

The kiss wasn't rushed; it wasn't rough and primal like they'd grown accustomed to. It was delicate, and sensuous, and full of, well, love. It was ironic that their arrangement up until this point had been a means of releasing pent up emotions that dragged them down daily, and yet it was this one simple gesture that actually wound up doing that. It was perfect. It was everything that a first kiss should be, and in so many ways, it was their first kiss.

Their foreheads fell together as they finally broke apart, a goofy school girl grin on each of their faces.

Emily laughed; a combination of relief and a genuine humour that she found in the situation. The whole past three months seemed completely pointless in hindsight; it seemed ridiculous to think that they could have had this result a lot sooner had they just talked to one another. But their arrangement had had no place for talking, only healing. Something that actually, they were only just now achieving.

"What's funny?" JJ questioned, genuinely confused.

Emily smiled. "Nothing." Before pressing another gentle kiss to the blonde's lips. "You wanna do something tonight?"

"I can't. I'm busy."

"Oh." Emily dropped her gaze, dejected, her smile suddenly gone.

Placing her finger on the underside of Emily's chin, JJ lifted her head to meet her gaze. "I'm busy tonight." She paused. "Because I'm planning my day with you tomorrow. It's a Saturday. And I don't plan on letting you go anywhere. Even for a second. I want to do this properly."

Her eyes lighting up, Emily grinned. "Okay. I can't complain about that."

Honestly, she liked the prospect of doing this properly; of having a real date, with real conversations, and real kisses that weren't just a means to escape. She wanted to snuggle on the sofa and watch infuriating movies that play out the same cliche story lines. She wanted to walk to the park hand in hand the following morning or become those stereotypical Sunday drivers or dog walkers; they didn't have a dog, but they could get one. She wanted to discuss their future, plan how they would make this feasible around work. She wanted to laugh and know that it was real, she wanted to dream and know that those dreams were shared. Honestly, she wanted to _be_ that cheesy couple that she found in those movies that she loved to hate so much.

Right now, she didn't want to escape; she wanted reality.

The two women kissed once more; broken kisses that were more smiles pressed together than anything else. But soon enough, their cute little bubble of cliche heaven was shattered and they were forced to face the reality that there was still three hours left of work - they weren't certain that Hotch would be too appreciative if they spent those three hours making out in a darkened corner of JJ's office.

As Emily reached for the door handle, she stopped for a second and turned back to face JJ. "I love you, ya know."

Smiling, JJ replied. "I love you, too, Em."


	13. The Best Laid Plans

**Author's Note: **So apparently, I'm sadistic, because I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy writing this chapter. Or maybe I just enjoy JJ being bitchy and hot, who knows?

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Criminal Minds.

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**THE BEST LAID PLANS**

The following day, JJ woke early. She felt like a child on Christmas morning and her heart filled with an unfamiliar warmth the moment that she opened her eyes.

Since she'd seen Emily the previous day, she had thought about nothing other than her plans for Saturday. She considered a few ideas; most of which amounted to expensive gestures and fancy meals. But she didn't want any of that, and if she knew Emily as well as she thought she did, she wouldn't want that either. They'd done everything wrong up until this point and she wasn't about to get it wrong again by flashing her money around. She could do that any time; as she most likely would at some point, but today marked a beginning and it had to extend to more than what money could buy.

In all honesty, all she wanted was Emily; just to be with her. Just to block out the world outside and become lost in their own - their own little bubble. In her mind, that bubble would typically consist of the confines of her duvet and the comfort of her bed as they spent every second of the day inside each other, but today was about more than that. Today, she wanted nerves and shyness and subtle glances that promised more and chaste kisses that did just the same. She wanted laziness that was actually productive in a lot of ways and she wanted to learn Emily, more than her fingers and mouth had over the recent months. And more than that, she wanted Emily to learn her. It scared her, but she wanted Emily to know what had happened the other night with Will; she wanted Emily to know that in those moments in the past when she had crawled into bed beside her, she had been secretly hoping that Emily had been drunk enough to take advantage of the situation; she wanted Emily to know every one of her flaws, every one of her secrets, every one of her dreams.

So she planned to do just that. Just for today, they would do nothing - at least nothing that would seem substantial to an outsider, but to her, to them, it would be everything.

As she sat drinking her morning coffee, she made a list; a list of everything that she knew Emily liked, everything that she knew would make her smile. Her favourite films that she scoffed at but secretly loved, junk food that she rarely ever ate except during movie time, drinks that she consumed even less because, as she put it, _"I'm not wasting calories on soda."_ Just.. everything.

JJ was a secret nerd for making lists; she never did understand why. So, as she made her notes, she sat with a smile on her face - a smile for the woman she loved, and a smile for how content she was in her geekyness.

Before long, she found herself lost in fantasy once again. She pictured the two of them snuggled up on her sofa; Emily completely engrossed in whatever was playing on the television, herself completely engrossed in the moment. That image made her smile and it didn't matter that she had no clue what was going on with the plot or that she cared even less, because she'd be so lost in the gentle fingers tracing patterns against her arm, the warm body that was beside for reasons other than getting off, the content face that was a result of the geeky little heaven that she herself had created.

She loved how nerdy Emily was. She knew that the things that she talked about occasionally were completely over her head and many times she had found herself staring at nothing as Emily spoke, trying desperately to logically follow her words in her mind in order to reach some kind of conclusion that made sense. But it didn't matter that she didn't understand, because what she did understand was the animated and passionate way in which Emily talked about those things and honestly, she would have listened to the brunette read from the phone book if she could. There was something about Emily's voice, especially when discussing topics that were clearly so close to her heart, that kept her enthralled; and that is how she had come to know little things that she was certain Emily wouldn't even remember saying.

It's true that, for the most part, their relationship up until this point had been unconventional; just sex and a lot of forced nothing in between. But on those brief occasions when Emily did let her guard down, right before her walls went back up, JJ got to see a glimpse of what made her, her. It was on those occasions that it became most difficult to pretend that she wasn't falling for her; difficult to pretend that she couldn't happily spend the rest of her life listening to this beautiful woman talk about things that she herself didn't understand.

With her list complete, her mug of coffee almost empty, JJ took a shower and headed out to purchase everything from her list. Emily would be arriving at noon, which gave her just over a couple of hours to get things in order. There wasn't a great deal to do, but she wanted it to be perfect.

Returning some time later, JJ set about making preparations. She looked at the clock and read 11:03, giving her almost an hour.

She took out the films that she'd bought and briefly read over the synopsis on the back of each cover. She'd opted for the films on the list that she hadn't seen, but as she read the basic plot outline of each, she wasn't at all surprised to see why. Her idea of a good film consisted of something easy watching; something that she didn't have to put a great deal of thought into - not something with more twists than she could ever keep up with. She maxed her brain out enough at work, and the rare occasions that she did have the time to watch a film, it was for no other reason than escapism.

But today wasn't about escaping reality, and delving into a world where everything goes according to plan. There was no need. Today; she quite liked her world and no part of her wanted to escape it.

After placing the DVDs onto the coffee table, JJ reached for the second bag. Carrying it through the the kitchen, she realised that she'd probably bought more food than necessary; most of it things that she wouldn't typically choose to eat and none of it remotely healthy. But what where lazy, snuggle days without junk food?

Once she'd unloaded the contents into her refrigerator, she thought briefly over what to wear. She was dressed fairly smart already - it was second nature to her these days after suddenly being called into work at the last minute on so many occasions - and considered for a second not even changing, but then she remembered something.

_"Wow.." Emily's jaw dropped as JJ opened her front door._

_"What? What's wrong?" JJ asked, confused and somewhat worried._

_"No, nothing. I've just.. I've never seen you in normal clothes before."_

_JJ looked down at the faded blue jeans, and snug, white hooded sweatshirt that she wore. "Oh, sorry. I wasn't expecting you and.."_

_"Don't be sorry, Jayje. I love it. You look pretty hot.." Emily replied with a smile as she walked passed JJ, grabbing her arm suddenly and pressing their lips together before whispering. "You look beautiful.."  
_

JJ smiled to herself and the decision was made there and then. She was determined to get this right; each detail was as important as the last. And if that is what Emily liked to see her in, then that is what she would wear.

Taking a quick glance at the time again, 11:34, she realised that she must have been day-dreaming for longer than she'd thought and quickly darted upstairs to change.

Returning a few minutes later, however, something stopped her at the top of the stairs. She didn't know what, but something wasn't right. Something didn't _feel_ right. Not moving a muscle, barely even breathing, her ears perked up more than usual; taking in every slight, nothing sound that she heard. Everything was silent, and she laughed to herself. _Grow up Jareau. Aren't you a little too old to be afraid of monsters?_

Given her line of work, she'd be entirely justified to be afraid of 'monsters', but shaking herself from her paranoia, she continued on her journey downstairs and headed into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee ready for when Emily arrived.

She dumped a full scoop of coffee into the top along with a full carafe of water, flicked on the machine before picking up her mail from the counter, reading over it as she mindlessly wondered back into the living room.

"Wow, you're quite the girlfriend aren't you." Picking up a film from the coffee table. "Memento. Hardly what I'd call romantic."

JJ stopped dead in her tracks, her hand immediately reaching for the gun that she'd relieved herself of upon her return home. It wasn't there.

"You looking for this?" The small woman held up the object that JJ was searching for with two fingers, waving it almost teasingly in the air before getting to her feet. "I wasn't about to take any chances. You can be quite feisty when you want to be."

"Who the hell are you?" JJ asked cautiously, her mind running at a million miles an hour; the agent in her taking in every detail of the situation even as she spoke, even as her heart ran in her chest like a jackhammer.

"Let's just say.. I'm a friend of a friend." The woman grinned.

JJ said nothing.

Wondering around the room, picking up random objects and idly looking them over, the woman continued. "You know.. She's only gonna do to you what she did to me. She never did know what she wanted. But God, did she have a charm.." The woman looked up at JJ. "She play the no strings card with you, too?"

JJ would be lying if she said that didn't hit a nerve a little, but she kept her calm.

"Thought so." She grinned, almost proud. "And I'm guessing.. This," she gestured with her hand around the room, "is all in aid of you _taming Emily Prentiss_. Making her your own."

The words weren't lost on JJ; they completely hit home and shattered the place to pieces, but it wasn't priority right now. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the safe where she kept her other gun. Taking note of the distance, she pondered over whether it was really worth the risk, whether she'd make it.

As the woman turned her gaze back to the object that she'd picked up from above the fireplace, JJ saw her opportunity and inched slightly towards the safe. "What is it that you want?" She asked calmly, trying to keep the woman distracted as she moved in plain sight.

"Well first, sweet cheeks.." With that the woman darted from the fireplace towards JJ in record time and, grabbing the blonde's arm which she forced around her back."I want you to stop trying to out smart me." Pushing herself against JJ's back and pulling her arm a little tighter, the woman whispered into her ear. "You weren't taught to lock your doors in FBI school, agent?"

JJ tried to struggle free and took a quick glance towards the clock. Noting the time, 11:49, she purposely voiced her thoughts. "Emily will be here soon."

"Ah, yes. Emily. The wonderful Emily. I wouldn't worry about that one. See, while you were up there making yourself look pretty, you got a message." The woman pulled JJ's phone from her pocket with her free hand and pressed a few keys. "I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of listening. You never know, it could've been something important."

She pressed another button.

_"Hey baby. Something's come up. I'm going to be a little late, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. I love you."_

JJ's heart sank at hearing the words; not just because it meant that Emily really wasn't coming to rescue her, but because it kind of backed up everything that this intruder had said. Was Emily really playing her?

"Aw I wouldn't take it to heart. One thing you should remember about Emily is that she likes the chase. The drama. She's _addicted_ to it. But you're really not good for that now, are you?"

JJ tried again to pull herself free."You're pathetic, you know that? What, she turned you down? Boo-fuckin'-hoo. Get over it."

Pulling her arm tighter the woman responded. "Hah, you're so cute. You really don't know a damn thing."

"I know you're a loser and you always have been. She showed you some attention. You'd never had that had you? Someone noticing you."

"Your profiler bullshit isn't gonna work on me, love."

JJ continued on, determined despite her current position. "You spent your whole life trying to prove yourself to everyone around you. And _still_ they didn't notice you."

JJ was no profiler, and she wasn't certain that the words that she was saying were even remotely correct, but the woman's silences told her that she wasn't far off the mark, so she opted to push further. "But Emily did didn't she? And it made you feel like you were actually worth something. So you latched onto the first semblance of attention that you'd ever been given."

"You don't know anything." She repeated through gritted teeth.

"Except, it didn't last did it? You wanted more than she did."

"Shut. Up." The smaller woman rammed JJ's arm into her back a little further.

Feeling pain shoot through her arm, sure that it was going to break, JJ still didn't falter. She knew for certain now that she was onto something and continued pushing. "You were just a quick fuck. Convenient. And-"

"I said shut up!"

As she spoke those last words, the woman slammed JJ's head against the wall in front of her; her rage reflected it's force, rendering the blonde unconscious on contact.

* * *

**Author's Note 2:** For the record, Memento is a great film. If you've not seen it, you should check it out. Anyway, same terms apply: reviews = faster update. :)


	14. The Final Piece of the Puzzle

**Author's Notes:**I don't think an apology will quite cut it this time lol, though I am actually sorry for how long it has taken me to update. To be honest this story stopped exciting me a long time ago, and I guess I hit a wall imagination wise. But, I've planned ahead this time, and have at least the foundations for the remaining chapters, as well the next two written in full. So you best get reviewing, so that I can give them to you. :)

**Author's Notes 2:**Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me on this, and I apologise if this chapter doesn't reward your patience. Also, a special thank you to DesireeStorm, southluv76, HR88, xxEm'n'JJ4evaxx, and Love-Music-Dream; your recent reviews/story alerts/favourites reminded me that people do care about reading the remainder of this, and gave me the push I needed to continue with it.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds. If I did, the season premiere would be airing in the UK tonight, too.

* * *

**THE FINAL PIECE OF THE PUZZLE**

___"Hey baby. Something's come up. I'm going to be a little late, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. I love you."_

Emily sighed as she finished the message and ended the call. She was secretly glad that JJ hadn't answered. She knew what questions would come if she had and honestly, right now, she didn't have the answers to those questions. Besides, JJ would want to help, and she needed to figure this out for herself. Where was the sense in putting JJ in danger if she didn't need to? She would call her, would call the team - when the time was right.

She'd almost forgotten about the couple of messages that she had received over the previous few days. Other aspects of her life, JJ in particular, had taken the forefront of her mind and though right now she wanted nothing more than to be with the woman who she now truly able to call her's, she knew that this had gone too far; it needed her undivided attention. This morning's note had proved that.

It hadn't arrived with flowers as usual. She had found it pinned to her door as she left to pick up some essentials for her day with JJ. Whoever was sending them was definitely becoming impatient; probably angry that they'd not received the reaction and the attention that they had hoped for.

She held the most recent note in her hand, fiddling with the corner as she read the short sentences for probably the hundredth time.

_Do you like to hurt? I do. _

The threatening implications in those few words were definitely blatant, and she'd be lying if she said it hadn't fucked with her a little. But what the hell was she supposed to do about it? Of course, the first, the second, the third, time that she'd read it, she considered calling Hotch, the team, JJ. By the fourth time, however, typical Emily kicked in and the notion was disregarded before it was even a full thought.

And now she sat, each note laid out in front of her like a puzzle, as if she was waiting for them to suddenly mean something; waiting for the identity of the writer to suddenly jump from the words. She knew that it was a stupid move to keep her friends in the dark, but with absolutely nothing to go on, she had no idea as to whether that would help or hinder the situation.

Something in the first two messages had seemed somewhat familiar but at the same time completely illogical; somewhat similar to deja vu. They weren't even full sentences. There was no reason that she should recognise them, but she couldn't ignore the niggle at the back of her mind telling her that she did. She _knew_ this.

Running her hands through her hair, Emily sighed in frustration. She did know this. There was something that she was missing, but trying to figure out what that something was was like trying to magically fix writer's block by staring blankly at the computer screen for hours. Rising to her feet, she headed over to her kitchen to make some coffee. Maybe the caffeine would jog her memory.

The words buzzed around in her brain as she lent against the counter top, mug in hand, and she turned to flick on the small wireless radio to her left in an attempt to block out the words for a few minutes peace in her brain. The caffeine wasn't working, so maybe what she really needed was a break.

The melody was a welcome relief. She felt herself relax as the lyrics flew through the speakers and floated into her ears..

But then something clicked. Music always was the best thing to evoke a memory. And it had certainly done just that.

_**6 Years Previous**_

_Emily lay on her side, pretending to sleep as the body next to her traced lines along her naked hip, humming some song as she did. The song, Emily recognised, as the song that had been dubbed 'theirs' several weeks back. She'd smiled at the time, but now it's tune was a huge reality check._

_This was not quite what she had signed up for. This non-commitment relationship had clearly become something far more to her occasional lover. _

_Cautiously, she rolled over onto her back, and was met by her lover's twinkling though somewhat creepy eyes._

_"Hey, you."_

_Emily forced out a smile. "Hey." She shifted herself up on the bed, wrapping the duvet around her as she did. "I should head out. I have to be at work soon."_

_"No you don't. It's your weekend off. You told me that last night."  
_

_The woman beside her smiled triumphantly and Emily tried desperately to force her own._ Great.

Her coffee mug was almost thrown to the counter, abandoned as she hastily flicked off the radio, ran upstairs to her closet and returned moments later with a box.

_**Two Months Later**_

_"You will be back, ya know." Those were the last words that she heard as she closed the door behind her._

_Climbing into her car, Emily was surprised at how easy that had been - how calmly, for the most part, her lover had reacted to being told that she was too suffocating; that the constant calls and neediness and notes and text messages and unannounced visits were just too much; that it had to end; that she had never wanted any of it in the first place._

_She'd expected the worst, and instead reality fell very short of that anticipation. There were no raised voices, no breakdowns, no nothing. She was just.. calm. And honestly, that creeped her out more than anything. Still, she took it for what it appeared to be._

_But it wasn't what it appeared to be._

_Weeks passed and her 'ex' was bordering on stalking her, until one day she finally asked herself what she was still doing there. There was nothing stopping her from leaving, nothing holding her back; just one giant pain in her arse pushing her forward. And that was all that she needed._

_Two weeks later, the calls had been forgotten, the visits made impossible, the creepy eyes that she could feel on her skin each time she took out the garbage were no more, and she was **free**._

The box was full to the top; letters, photographs, random nothings that meant everything. Emily was never the type to discard of keepsakes, whatever form they took. She liked being able to take a trip down memory lane once in a while, even if that trip involved bumping into a person who she'd rather forget. It was still a part of her life, her journey, and the reminders kept her grounded. It was for that reason that she'd held onto every smothering note that she had ever received from her past lover.

Emptying the contents onto the table, Emily sieved through the pile until she found what she was looking for. She replaced everything back into the box, pushed it aside. On the table in front of her she laid out neatly the six year old messages and letters, before taking the 3 more recent notes in her hand.

She read over the first one that she'd received several days ago,

_And it was, you know; but it won't always be._

A moment later, she scanned the array of notes that she had laid out, searching for it's twin; hoping not to find it, hoping to realise that she was being ridiculous. She relaxed for a second when she didn't find it; maybe she was being stupid after all, seeing patterns that weren't there because she hated being so damn clueless.

But then there it was, ten words buried in amongst thirty more, and her entire body went numb.

_I thought that day was the happiest moment of my life, when you chose me out of everyone in that place. __**And it was, you know; but it won't always be.**__ Because you're mine; the happiest moments haven't even begun._

She threw it down and quickly grabbed the other.

_Ever. No one._

She rummaged through the pile of old letters and notes that seemed to have grown exponentially in her hasty search, until she found it, the final piece to the puzzle.

_No one will take you from me. I mean that. __**Ever. No one.**__ I could never let you go, Em. You're a part of me now._

Her eyes fixated on those three single words: _Ever. No one._ Inside a part of her laughed; there was no wonder that she had left this woman. But it didn't take long for that laugh to turn to a sickening twist of guts as a realisation came to her.. "JJ."

**Author's Note 3: **The first message at the beginning of this chapter: anyone who can tell me what song the words are from, gets major awesome points. Without Googling it, that is. :) The other messages aren't lyrics, and I didn't intend to use any, but the song came on whilst I was writing this, and it seemed strangely appropriate.


	15. Help

**Author's Note:** Given that I've been playing with Mickey Mouse for the past two weeks, I'm not even sorry for my absence this time. :) Well, maybe a tiny bit. Which is why you get this now rather than in a few days when I have a day off from work and my jet-lag has subsided. Oh, and thank you for the reviews and alerts; keep up the good work. ;)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds. If I did, Strauss would die a horribly painful death. Hm, maybe I should kill her off in my next story. I'm sure I'd enjoy writing that, almost as much as I'm sure you guys would enjoy reading it. Am I wrong?

* * *

**HELP**

The journey to JJ's was nothing short of a blur. She ran pretty much every that red light she came across, broke almost every traffic law ever made, and experienced worse road rage than she ever had, but that was the least of her problems.

Pulling up outside JJ's, she saw nothing out of the ordinary, and wondered for a second if she had frantically raced here for no reason. She hoped that she had. Even if the frantic eyes that JJ would see as she burst through her door meant that the decision had been made for her - that she would have to tell the younger woman about the notes - then that was fine by her. In fact, she now longed for that option that she had disregarded before - if something had happened to JJ, it would be her fault, because she hadn't bothered to tell her in the first place.

As she approached JJ's front door, her gun drawn in that precise way that she was taught many years ago, pressing herself to the wall and peeking through a small window in the entrance way. _Nothing_. Freeing one of her hands and twisting the handle, her stomach churned as she realised that it was open; that wasn't a good sign. She checked each room, just as she had grown accustomed to but.. _Nothing_.

There was nothing.

Returning to the living room, she pressed her hand to her stomach. JJ was probably out running errands.. right? But she wasn't stupid, and when that notion was coupled with the fact that the blonde's door was left unlocked, it really didn't seem likely and did nothing to ease the twists and swoops in her gut.

She blinked her eyes a few times, but before the third blink was complete, a shot of JJ's work desk flashed into her mind. This wasn't right. JJ's home was never untidy, ever, but it was certainly never like this. She knew that the blonde liked her home to have, well, a homely feel to it, and everything was far too precise, far too neat, far too perfect. Something really wasn't right and as she lifted JJ sweater from the back of the sofa - the only thing in this whole damn room that looked out of place - her confirmation fell to the ground.

_Call yourself a profiler? Took you long enough. I'll make this one simple. I have something of yours. You know where to find me. Oh and please, do take your time. I'd love nothing more than to get to know Jennifer properly.  
_

Emily didn't just feel nauseous this time, she was fighting to hold back the drive heaves as everything that she had consumed that morning, which amounted to absolutely nothing, forced it's way to her throat. She didn't know where to find this person; how the hell _could_ she? The last time that she had seen her was years before she had joined the BAU, in a completely different state. There was no location that she could link her to here, not even indirectly or with the help of her clearly not-so-helpful profiling skills.

She felt so damn useless. She should be long gone, already on her way to find JJ. But on her way where exactly? She'd hit a brick wall, and she needed help.

Reluctantly, she pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts. She hovered briefly over Morgan's name, feeling slightly guilty that she hadn't let her best friend in. She'd have to explain herself later on that one though, because there was only one person who could give her the information that she needed right now and though he was everything that she could ever ask for in a friend, it wasn't him.

Restlessly, she tapped her finger against the back of her phone; the call seemed to take forever to connect, and she almost jumped when Garcia finally answered.

"The epitome of all things wonderful, how may I save your beau-"

Emily cut her off. "Garcia, I need your help. And I need you to not ask too many questions."

Garcia's ears perked up, she could hear the desperation in Emily's voice. "Of course, lovely lady. What is it?"

With that question, the wall that she had hit crumpled down around Emily. She did not enjoy feeling helpless, especially when she was putting JJ's life in danger, and instead of protecting her, she was sat here, lost and useless. Tears burned their way to glaze over her eyes. "I'm at JJ's place." She paused for a second, coughing away the evidence of her inner turmoil from her voice. "She's gone, Garcia. Someone's taken her. I should have told you sooner but.." She trailed off before she grabbed her wandering emotions. "Look, I just need an address."

"Oh god! I should call Hotch and everyone. Em you-"

"Garcia, please." Emily bit sharply; she didn't have time for panic mode. "Sarah Elizabeth James, thirty years old, her last known address was 1724 Willis Drive, Chicago. I need her recent address or any place locally that she is linked to."

"Okay.." Emily heard the feverish clicking of Garcia's fingers hitting the keys in the background as the redhead spoke distractedly. "You'll have it as soon as I do."

"Thank you."

Emily was about to end the call when Garcia added. "Em.. you do know I have to tell them, don't you? I'm not sure why you're so set on keeping this a secret, but if JJ's in danger.. If you're in danger.."

Emily knew that Garcia was right. Why was she risking her girlfriend's life simply for the sake of keeping her private life private? But on the flip side, there was every chance that she could inadvertently make the situation worse by bringing in the whole team. She sighed. "If you don't hear from me in one hour, then do what you have to do." With that, she ended the call.

Glancing down to the sweater still clutched in her hands, she perched herself on the back of the sofa and brought the item to her face. She inhaled deeply, her eyes falling closed as JJ's scent flew through her nose and her entire body began to ache with regret.

It was a given that she would never want to lose JJ, but in that second she realised just how much that was true; just how empty her life would be without her in it. The mere thought of her not being around anymore caused every part of her to shut down and become hyper sensitized all at once. Her brain dizzied and emptied at the same time, the lump that rose from her heart to her throat almost suffocated her, her legs lost all strength, refusing to hold her anymore. Nothing worked.

She made no attempts to fight for strength and instead let herself slide down to the floor, still clutching JJ's sweater to her face; an act of defeat, yet her whole body was still at war. Her tears flowed freely into the material in her hands, and whilst they provided a welcome sense of release, that throbbing ache in her mind, in her whole damn body, would not ebb.

She cursed herself for wasting so much time, for pretending, for running away, and even more for the occasions when the determination to keep up a pretence that was a result of her own fears had hurt JJ. She had had so many reasons and justifications at the time, reasons that seemed entirely logical then; but now she saw that they had been excuses and nothing but. The thought of admitting to JJ everything that she felt had once terrified her. And now, the notion of never having that chance scared her far more than that ever had.

What if this was it? What if saying too little was actually far worse than saying too much? When did it suddenly become too late? She wasn't ready for her to be gone; there was still so much that she had left to tell her, to show her, to share with her. JJ was her strength, she'd changed her entire world, whether she'd fully realised it before or not; how was she supposed to just be okay without that now?

Before she could answer the continuous succession of questions piercing her busy mind, or even begin to face the horribly real possibilities that were currently torturing her, her phone buzzed in her pocket, snapping her from her trance as she swiped at the tears flooding her cheeks.

She opened the message and as she read the address sent by Garcia, the tension in her body lifting, even if only slightly. The information that she clutched in her hand gave her something that she had lost all sense of just seconds before; hope. Maybe there _was_ still time; she'd let JJ down once, she wasn't about to do it again.

JJ's sweater never left her hand as she rose to her feet, or as she exited the house, or as she made her way to her car. And once inside the vehicle, and on her way to the address that she'd just received, it sat in her lap; she needed this part of JJ with her, close to her, especially if it was the last part of JJ that she would ever have close to her again.


	16. Behind Closed Doors

**Author's Notes: **It hasn't taken me weeks to update for once. I should get awesome points for that, right? And thank you to everyone who has recently reviewed/alerted/favourited; you're helping me to see writing this as less of a chore. So please, continue doing so. :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

**BEHIND CLOSED DOORS**

With the flick of an unsteady hand, the engine died. She used that same hand to remove the sweater that until that point, had remained in her lap, and with one last lingering moment, she exited the car on equally unsteady legs.

There was nothing special about the house as she approached, nothing unique or particularly foreboding. It was simply respectable, and cozy, and safe. It wasn't like she had expected some cliche scene from a horror movie; her job had taught her to expect the unexpected - that appearances were often deceiving, and that you never really could know just what goes on behind closed doors, however perfect said doors appear on the outside.

But behind this door, she knew exactly what was going on - what and who lay beyond it - and her nausea returned with a vengeance. What if JJ was already dead? Or worse.. Because in this scenario, death wouldn't necessarily be the worst outcome. And that thought triggered a million more inside of Emily's mind, each worse than the last and in that moment, she abandoned all protocol for these kinds of situations; everything that she had ever known and lived by and any fear for her own safety just vanished like it had never been there.

Without a second's hesitation, she walked straight into the house as it were her own, and the fact that the door was left unlocked didn't even register in her brain; she had expected as much. It was all so predictable and it pissed her off that she hadn't figured it out before it had gotten this far, before JJ's life was put in danger. The ending of this story, though, she didn't even want to predict. She had been right so far; she couldn't bare to even consider the possibility of being right about that, too.

The inside of the house didn't reflect the outside in the slightest. The homey feel was long gone and in it's place were coldly pristine, almost clinical, bare white walls and blank concrete floors that chilled her through and through. And it was so damn quiet. Too quiet, too perfect, and so completely eerie that goosebumps rose visibly against her skin.

Having wandered the whole first floor, she made her way through to the living room, noticing instantly the photographs on the mantelpiece. They were the only things inside the whole house that seemed even remotely personal. Though, that wasn't the only reason that she headed over to take a closer look; a part of her was curious. Of course she remembered what this woman looked like, even more so now that she was so abruptly a part of her life again, but she just needed to see.

There were three; each perfectly set apart from one another, all in the same size, style and colour frame. She didn't recognise the people accompanying her blast from the past in the first two; friends of hers, she assumed. Though, she did wonder briefly how such a clearly unhinged person could even find friends. She let out a humourless laugh at her thoughts and turned her attention to the third and final picture.

That, she did recognise, since she had taken it. Sarah had wanted her in the picture also, she remembered clearly, but photographs, physical memories, were meant for people with an intended future, and a future definitely wasn't something that she had been looking for on the night that they met. Or the following day. Or the weeks that passed that she just would not leave her alone.

Emily picked up the photo for a closer look, and as she did, she felt something wedged behind the frame. Flipping it around she pulled a small silver key from the tape that held it in place, and haphazardly replaced the photo frame back above the fireplace as the cogs in her mind began turning. She tossed the key up and down idly in her hand whilst she scanned the room, searching for the lock intended for it; about the size of a door key, causing her to eliminate the possibility of it fitting a small chest or cupboard, which didn't really narrow down her options all that much but it was something.

After checking each door on the lower level of the house, she headed upstairs. Again, she checked each door to each room, and each room for other doors, until she'd exhausted every possibility and frustration burned through her veins; she didn't have the time for this damn scavenger hunt.

Turning down the hall to head back to the stairs, she stopped in her tracks. She poked her head back around the door of the room that she had just exited and then did the same with the one previous. Something didn't fit, literally. The size of the rooms didn't remotely equal the distance that she had walked on the other side of the wall, even with the closet space in the first room taken into account.

She all but ran back to the closet and shoving the clothes aside, she found exactly what she had been looking for. It was like finding Narnia, except much less exciting and a lot more terrifying. She didn't particularly want to know what lay beyond this door. Her heart raced so fast that she could literally feel it and her mind matched it's pace with every gruesome possibility of what she was about to uncover. But as the lock clicked with a quick turn of the key, she allowed herself a second to prepare herself for the worst.

What she found, however, somehow hadn't been on her list of possibilities.

Her eyes widened as the room's contents flooded into her brain like a tsunami and overloaded all of her senses. It almost suffocated her; too much for her to take in. There wasn't an inch of the walls that weren't covered with.. her. Photographs that she never even remembered being taken, receipts from dinners that she had had with Sarah, simple everyday objects that she had thrown out months ago, and her scent. It becomes difficult for a person to recognise the smell of their own perfume after using it for so long, but the whole damn room was thick with it.

She couldn't help the vomit that spewed unexpectedly from her throat. She felt uneasy on her legs, and placed a hand on her stomach, the other on the wall to steady her. But as she dry heaved some more, she suddenly realised that hers wasn't the only hand pressed against her stomach and became then aware of the warm body behind her..

She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. All her instincts seemed to abandon her along with her ability to even begin to think rationally.

"I told you that you'd be back."

The cold words burnt against her neck and a blurred hand moved at an unrealistically slow pace towards her face, but she was powerless to stop it. So she watched it's journey, felt as it covered her mouth, and before she had the chance to even register what was happening, her world went black.


	17. Far From Over

**Author's Note:** I cannot believe this took me over a year to update; total uncool points for me. But, I'm back, so I'm redeemed, right? Perhaps not, but maybe (hopefully) this chapter will change your mind. I'm probably very undeserving of reviews, but I would love some, please. :) I am rather unsure of this chapter given the length of time I have been away from this story, so your feedback, in any form, will be greatly appreciated and useful. Again, I am so sorry! But all I really hope, is that I don't disappoint with my latest installment.

**Author's Note 2:** This is dedicated to all of the people I let down in leaving this story for so long. In particular, the person who was the last to comment, and is only known to me as 'Davi'. That particular review shifted something inside of me, and made me realise that I owe it to all of you to finish this. Thank you so much, to everyone who has stuck with this story, and I hope I don't let you down.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds, or any of it's characters. If I did, you would all be in heaven; TRUST ME.

* * *

**FAR FROM OVER**

The searing pain in her head hit her instantly as she opened her eyes, so much so that she barely noticed the blurred outline of the figure in front of her, her squinting eyes drifting helplessly closed once more. But then her instincts kicked in in a flash and the pain that she had felt just seconds ago seemed suddenly insignificant in comparison to the danger that her brain was telling her that she was in; nudging her like a child begging for attention. She couldn't ignore it any longer and her eyes shot open.

Blue eyes locked with brown and Sarah made her biggest mistake then; she underestimated her.

It's true what she was always being told; she really should be a profiler. There is no greater weapon than the mind, and true to form, JJ couldn't help but read the woman in front of her like an open book. To the naked eye, everything about this woman screamed comfort and nonchalance and a complete lack of fear. But if someone were to look a little harder, they'd see that she was feeling anything but those things. And look harder, JJ did; it came naturally.

The actual way that she sat on her chair was the first thing that JJ noticed; it was blatantly obvious, to her at least. Her chest pressed against the seat back as she rested her arms folded loosely over it. Lack of fear? No. The seat back acted as a barricade, a defense of sorts; a protection that the woman herself probably didn't even realise that she was using.

Then she paid a little more attention to those arms that were strewn so casually over the chair. Nonchalance? No. Her arms may have been loosely folded, but the hands that were tucked tightly away left just enough showing to see the white of her knuckles as she clenched them into a fist. This woman was anything but neutral to this situation; this was _everything_ to her. It was her last chance, and provided a realisation for JJ that if her captor did not get what she wanted, she was not going to let go easily – she was going out with a bang.

And then two sets of eyes met once more. Initially, JJ had seen nothing but cold darkness in those grey eyes, but now she saw sadness and she suddenly felt a wave of guilt. That had always been one of her best qualities and her biggest downfall rolled into one – her ability to be compassionate even when the person deserved anything _but_ compassion.

"She really hurt you, didn't she?" And in that moment, as pain flickered in the woman's eyes, JJ realised that not only did she have the upper hand, but that she'd had it all along. She was going to win this.

She'd taken in her demeanor, inch by inch, in all of ten seconds, and read each individual aspect for what it really was; uncertainty. But before the other woman could even open her mouth and mutter some defensive statement that proved her findings, a noise above them ripped both of their eyes from each other.

The noise and the now wicked grin adorning the brunette woman's face caused JJ to lose all logic, and in that moment she was filled with both relief and horror at the one immediate thought that filled her mind; _Emily_.

"Emily!" She shouted before she could stop herself, immediately regretting it. She didn't want Emily to come down here; she didn't want her in even more danger.

But she shouldn't have been concerned by her sudden outburst because before the words had even left her mouth, her captor rose to her feet, slapping duct tape across her lips with a smirk and a smug kiss before leaving the room; there was nothing that she could do to stop this woman getting to Emily now anyway, and her eye lids fell slowly closed as reality dawned on her. She had freely given away the miniscule amount of power that she had had and now Emily was going to pay for it.

She waited, eyes still closed, for the sound to come; the sound that would show that this battle had come to an end, and that she, _they_, had very much lost. But it never came and she would be lying if she said that anything but confusion filled her mind in those moments. Why were there no gunshots? No signs of a fight? What was it that this woman actually wanted from Emily if she didn't want her dead?

Before she could find answers to these questions that swam mercilessly around her brain though, the sound of heavy feet descending steps came, followed by a sight that showed her that this whole damn situation was far from over; that the games, the battle, the war, was yet to begin.


	18. Uncertainty

**Author's Note:** Didn't expect to see me again so soon, did you? ;) First of all, thank you once again to the elusive Davi; (which is by the way your new name, since you won't create an account for me to thank you for kind words via message) you're fantastic. I had such a huge grin this morning when I saw your review, and it certainly redeemed the fact that I only received two for my previous chapter.

**Author's Note 2:** Thank you also, to everyone who favourited/alerted/etc. It's good to know that people are still following this, and because of that, you are all rewarded with a quick update. Please, please, please, read AND review. Even if you have something negative to say; I'd love to hear your opinions!

**Disclaimer:** As always, I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

**UNCERTAINTY**

She felt something akin to anger when she saw Emily being dragged down the steps by the smaller woman. Which, of course, she expected, but what she did not expect was for that anger to be directed towards the brunette herself. Soon enough though, she dispelled such thoughts; there was a time and a place, and now certainly was not it. Now, she needed to figure out a way out of here, for both of them.

Watching the smaller woman place Emily into a chair with great difficulty, her heart skipped a beat as she saw the brunette's eyes flicker open momentarily and strong hands grasp air, trying in vain to defend herself. Emily never would give up without a fight and she loved her for that. But the surprisingly strong fist that met with Emily's face as she struggled feebly to break free, knocking her out cold once again, reminded JJ just how much she did love her.

She tried desperately to contain herself, knowing that she was much better off not giving this woman the satisfaction of knowing what emotional pain she was causing her, but she knew that she was failing. Yes, she was angry at Emily, for reasons that she couldn't quite place in that moment, but more than that, she was terrified. It didn't matter that her own life was in danger and her one lifeline was now unconscious, because the woman she loved was so helpless, powerless, and she couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Moments later, with Emily not going anywhere any time soon, the small woman returned to her spot in front of JJ, taking up the same position that she had before. "Don't worry. She'll be awake soon enough, but right now I'm not done with _you_."

The brunette woman accentuated her final word with a point of the blade that she'd suddenly acquired in JJ's direction, but something in her grey eyes left JJ wondering if she really was in danger, or if her captor was simply searching.. searching for answer or some semblance of understanding. However, when she looked a little closer, she saw something new in the smaller woman's eyes and it chilled JJ to the core. It was almost as though she had lost the fearful uncertainty that was present just minutes before and had found a new sense of determination; determination that told JJ that this woman was set on more than destroying them physically; she was going to make them hurt, just as _she_ had all of these years.

"She was quiet afterwards." Looking up, she saw the confusion in JJ's eyes and continued with a smile. "Oh, sorry. Let me clarify. She was quiet afterwards – after we'd spent the whole night fucking. After I'd spent the whole night inside of _your_ girl over there."

JJ didn't like the way that she emphasized 'your', and she _hated_ the pang of jealousy that shot through her as she pictured the two of them together.

Unfortunately this jealousy hadn't gone unnoticed by Sarah, and instead it simply egged her on. Walking over to JJ, the woman then leveled herself with blue eyes. "Me and you aren't much different, Jennifer. She played us both. How long until she told you that she loved you?"

The small woman waited for a response that she didn't receive, before rising back into a standing position and continuing. "It was a couple of months for me. She came to tell me one evening that she couldn't do it anymore, and before she left my house that night she uttered those three words."

JJ seemed lost in her own mind at this point. It stung to know that, and thinking back over her own situation with the brunette, she now had questions for questions and a suddenly genuine uncertainty for Emily's motives. It almost made her jump as the woman ripped the tape from her mouth and her words filled the air once more.

"Did she ever stay much past the fuck?"

_No.._ JJ's mind answered for her whilst she still tried in vain to remain nonchalant.

Sarah smiled whilst focusing her attention on the blade in her hand and asked something that would, unknowingly, give the blonde a sudden strength that she didn't know that she had. "Did it take long for you to fall for that Emily Prentiss charm?"

"What makes you so sure that I genuinely love her? What makes you think that _she's_ the "player" in all of this?" Sarah's attention snapped to JJ and the confusion in her eyes was blatant. JJ felt strangely emboldened. She wasn't sure where this had come from, but realising that this was her only chance, she continued. "In fact, it was just two days ago that I had my mouth wrapped around my ex's cock." She'd never said such a crude thing in her life except probably during sex, but it was the only way to turn this situation around and give the impression that she really did not give a crap about Emily. "So what makes you think that I really care what happens to her? Let's get one thing straight.. Emily is incredible. _Amazing_ in fact." A small humourless laugh left her lips before she grew suddenly serious once again. "But at one thing, and one thing only."

**The words lingered in Emily ears, the way that music does to a coma patient..**

The smaller woman raised an eyebrow as if asking a question, and JJ let out a further humourless laugh before responding to the silent query. "Oh you know what I mean. You've felt her fingers inside you, her lips on you, her tongue working it's magic at that perfect spot.. She wanted to give all of this up, but I couldn't let that happen. She's one pretty great fuck is our Emily. Honestly, some of the things she does.. Wow.." The words made JJ's heart hurt, but she pushed on. "I'm beginning to wonder if those skilled fingers of hers are really worth all this trouble, though."

**She might have been only semi-conscious, but the pain that those final words sent through Emily was far worse than the pain she currently felt crushing through her skull.**

JJ fought the urge to quickly take it all back. She knew that Emily was out cold and would never know any of what she had said anyway, but it literally hurt her to say them. That was, until, she questioned their sincerity. _Did_ she want anything with Emily after all of this?

But before she contemplate that little question any further, she was startled from her thoughts by a groan coming from the other woman in the room and the last ditch efforts that she'd just made in attempting to outsmart Sarah failed. She yelled frantically upon seeing Emily suddenly burst to life before she felt tape pressed against her mouth once more, silencing her pleas.

She fought back tears as she heard Emily say her name and the clear venom that the two brunette's exchanged for one another, because all she could do was watch in hope, helpless and useless, as she wondered what lay in store for the brunette, for her, for them.


	19. Logic Has No Place In Love

**Author's Note:** I think this may actually be my favourite chapter yet. I'm not 100% certain why, but it may have something to do with the soft spot I have for Emily speaking a different language. It's crazy hot, even just in my colourful brain. :) Anyway, speaking of which, the translations will be in an author's note at the end of this chapter. I translated them back using a program on Google, and what it came up with was completely illogical, which made no sense to me. But either way, what it is _actually_ meant to mean, can be found further down this page. Also, I apologise to any Spanish speakers for royally screwing up your beautiful language.

**Author's Note 2:** I got more reviews this time, so you can all pat yourself on the back for making a girl grin like an idiot. ;) Thank you! And please keep them coming.

**Disclaimer: **What would happen if I said here that I do own Criminal Minds, and that I am collecting profit from this? *feels slightly rebellious*

* * *

**LOGIC HAS NO PLACE IN LOVE**

You could be the greatest profiler in the whole damn world, but when it comes to mattes of the heart, all logic is lost. And if Emily wasn't so damn in love with JJ, she'd be able to apply logic to this very situation; logic that would tell her that the blonde's words were nothing but an attempt at shifting the power in their favour. But Emily _was_ in love with JJ, and the words were nothing but a dagger to her frantically beating heart.

She was still a profiler though, and whilst her heart ached, she, for that very reason, needed to focus her attention on Sarah. It was bad enough that this situation was no one's fault but her own, but if JJ didn't make it out of this alive, she would never forgive herself - even if her comments regarding Will were true. So as the smaller woman marched determined towards the blonde, Emily instantly agreed to her demands.

JJ may not love her, but that didn't change the fact that she would protect her to the death if she had to.

Silence had filled the room for far too long and it unsettled Emily. Though, she wasn't sure if it was that that unsettled her or the fact that she now could not see where Sarah was. What was this woman cooking up in her mind? If she wanted answers, why didn't she just get on with asking the questions? And more importantly, where the hell was she?

Suddenly, the widening of JJ's eyes gave her the answer. She, until this point, had struggled to look at the blonde agent, knowing that if she allowed herself to be taken in by those beautiful blue, and apparently lying, eyes of hers, she'd never be able to focus. But out of her peripherals, she caught a glimpse of them and what she saw filled her with fear, causing her to turn around instantly.

What unfolded next, happened in slow motion, for both agents involved. All senses became heightened, heartbeats stopped, and each agent, for that moment, resigned themselves to what they assumed inevitable.

As the quiet click of a pulled trigger echoed impossibly loud around them, Emily's eyes remained tightly shut before it suddenly dawned on her that she was in fact still alive. How was that even possible? She opened her eyes to find the barrel of the gun still aimed directly between them and tried desperately to regain her composure. The gun may not have killed her, but she was certain that her rapidly increasing heartbeat would.

"You're a lucky girl, Emily. " The words left the smaller woman's mouth with so nonchalantly but laced with a hint of relief; she wasn't quite ready for this to be over yet, either. "You're familiar with Russian Roulette, I presume?"

Emily stared in dismay at the sadistic smile on Sarah's face as she struggled to formulate the correct response. Hell, what was the correct response to a question like that? So for now she remained silent and instead told herself: _If this is the catch to her questioning, I'll take it. At least it isn't JJ that will be harmed._

She'd taken a genuine comfort in that thought, but oh, how wrong she was. And this realization was painted so vividly in front of her as she watched Sarah take up a standing position behind JJ. She somewhat remembered witnessing the once beautiful rise and fall of JJ's heavy chest before, but never had she imagined that it would be a direct result of having a gun pressed to her head.

Trying to remain calm, Emily began. "Sarah, your issue is with me. Take it out on _me_."

"What do you _think_ I'm doing, love? See, I could kill you. Right now if I really wanted to." Emily saw the smirk on her face at that remark, telling her that she was getting off on this power that she seemed to have. "But where would be the fun in that? No, there are so many more _interesting_ ways to hurt you."

For the first time since the words had left JJ's mouth, Emily allowed herself to realise, momentarily, that perhaps she really had said them for the very same reason that she herself was about to speak. The thought was gone as quick as it had arrived though, as Emily focused carefully on each word, almost writing them literally on her brain so that she didn't forget anything.

With a silent breath, dark eyes met Sarah's, and with only calm in her voice, she spoke, "Te dejé porque no podía manejar amar a alguien. Te dejé porque no podía soportar perderte." She paused for a second as she forced the following words to leave her mouth, knowing that it was the biggest gamble that she would ever make in her life, "Usted puede matarla si quieres, porque me va a doler. Sin embargo, no por las razones que usted piensa."

She could see it in her eyes that Sarah was intrigued, and relief washed over her as she lowered the gun; perhaps her gamble had paid off.

JJ wasn't sure what to think at this point, and such was evident on her face. She understood every word, and because of that, she was beginning to regret that Spanish class that she'd taken to surprise Emily. Though, despite being almost certain before that Emily didn't love her, for some reason, a tiny part of her currently questioned the brunette's motives for the words that she was saying. She too, was intrigued as to what the hell Emily was playing at.

"Y cuáles serían esas razones, Emily?"

Emily smiled at the words that confirmed to her that she was onto a winner, and a seductive sparkle glazed over her eyes as she returned to her native language and spoke once again. "Do you really think that I want to lose you now that I finally have you back? If you kill her, it will ruin everything. You'll go to jail and I'll be alone again. I don't want to be without you again, I don't want to have to search for a replacement again." Her heart fluttered with both relief and fear as Sarah took steps to towards her.

She watched the smaller woman lean down, leveling her face with her own, and that seductive sparkle darkened her eyes once more as she prepared herself for what she assumed would result in a kiss that, honestly, no part of her wanted. But if that was the alternative that she would more than happily take it.

Their faces were mere inches apart, Sarah's eyes fixated on Emily's lips as she whispered. "Emily.."

"Yes, baby.." Emily ensured that she used her huskiest, sexiest voice as those words fell from her perfect, crimson lips; one that she'd used on JJ many of times. And for a second there, she almost lost focus. _Jennifer.._

Catching herself just in time, Emily flicked her eyes between the smaller woman's eyes and lips; tilting her head a little, her heart stopped as Sarah leaned in further.. She couldn't believe that she was actually about to kiss this woman after everything, despite what her motives were. But just as those thoughts ran through her brain, she was met by a sudden yank of her dark hair and cold breath against her ear.

"Did you _really_ think I'd fall for that?" The words were filled with anger; anger that told Emily that she had just made a terrible mistake. Oh god.. what had she done?

* * *

**Author's Note 3:** _"Te dejé porque no podía manejar amar a alguien. Te dejé porque no podía soportar perderte."_ (I left you because I couldn't handle loving someone. I left you because I couldn't handle losing you.) _"Usted puede matarla si quieres, porque me va a doler. Sin embargo, no por las razones que usted piensa."_ (You can kill her if you want, because it will hurt me. Though, not for the reasons you think.) Y cuáles serían esas razones, Emily? (And what would those reasons be, Emily?)

**Author's Note 4:** Davi: There are many reasons you should create an account. One of which being that then, you'll get this pretty little alert that pops up in your email once in a while, informing you that I have updated my story. ;) (that was the best I could come up with at this late hour.)


	20. 8 Minutes

**Author's Note:** Just to clarify once again, there will no rape in this story. I just think it's a sensitive topic, and one that I wouldn't be able to do justice. In reply to the other anonymous review; you kind of got your wish. Kind of. But it's probably not quite what you had in mind. lol. You'll see.

**Author's Note 2:** I've had an awful few days, so please review and let me know I did something right. It would be much appreciated. :)

**Disclaimer:** Don't own CM, and probably never will.

* * *

**8 MINUTES**

Garcia sat perched on the edge of her chair, clock watching as she had been since Emily had called her fifty-two minutes prior. The relentless tapping of her pen was drowned out by the war raging on inside her head. _I should tell the team. I really should tell the team. What if something has happened to JJ? To Emily? But then what if she has it under control, and we go in there all guns blazing and.._

"Oh hell." She blurted as she rose to her feet and exited the room, en route to Hotch's office. It may have been a Saturday, and there were no cases to speak of, but she knew for certain that he would be in there. _He really needs to get laid, or something, _she thought to herself, but was secretly glad of his workaholic tendencies in that moment.

It took her approximately 8 seconds to get there, rather than the 8 minutes that would have allowed her to stick to the time that Emily had given her; but she'd seen what one person could do to another in even less than that, and she was done waiting for a call that would probably never come.

She burst through the door without knocking; a tiny detail that most would overlook in such a situation, but Garcia being Garica, and not to mention nervous, looked at her boss with wide eyes and began to mumble something to the effect of. "Um, oh.. sorry.. I'm really sorry.. um…" Before taking two steps back and tapping her clenched fist to the door a couple of times in lieu of the forgotten knock.

It wasn't shown on his face, but Hotch smiled inwardly at Garcia's actions. "Come in, Penelope."

And that, she did. In fact, she'd taken steps back inside before the words had even left his mouth. "Sir.."

She lifted her nervous gaze from the carpet and looked her boss square in the eyes. He could tell, immediately, that something was terribly wrong.

**CM-CM-CM**

It didn't take the team, or rather, part of the team, much longer than twenty minutes to filter into the bullpen once they'd each received messages from their leader; they were used to their Saturdays being disrupted and knew that turning into Superman and flying wasn't even too far-fetched of an expectation to get there quicker when they heard the phrase, "We need you. Now."

Morgan was the first to speak, his heart in his throat as he started to put two and two together. "Where are Emily and JJ.."

Hotch shot Garcia a look that told her that he was much less than happy with her. He had told her as much in his office twenty minutes prior, but seeing his eyes bore into her once more reminded her that this one wasn't going to go away any time soon. Not that she felt that it should; she would never forgive herself if something happened to her girls, even if Emily _had_ made her promise.

She let her eyes fall to the ground as Hotch began updating Rossi, Morgan and Spencer. "That's why I called you in.."

His voice faded from her ears shortly after he had started to speak and she only snapped back to reality when she heard the screech of cheers moving and the rustling of bodies hastily leaving the room.

It was typical for her to stay at the BAU when the team went off on cases, but she wanted, or rather needed, to be out there with them; to see for herself that her girl's were safe. Or.. She couldn't bear to think about the 'or'. She opened her mouth to speak but before the words could leave her hot pink lips, Hotch cut her off.

"Garcia, stay here. I think you've done enough."

And within seconds, there was no one in the room but Garcia and her guilt-ridden thoughts.

**CM-CM-CM**

"I was going to make this so easy for you, and that's how you repay my hospitality?" Sarah began whilst frantically waving the gun around; anger radiating through her every word, filling the room with an undeniable tension - like there wasn't one before. "Perhaps I should just kill her now. Would you like that, Emily? Do you wanna see the blood drain from that pretty face of hers?"

No, she did not, but having taken a pretty big knock just moments before, Emily wasn't so sure of herself anymore. She'd messed this up already, what's to say that she wouldn't again if she opened her mouth?

"Huh? What was that? Cat got your tongue?" Sarah asked angrily before proving just how much she dislikes being ignored.

JJ knew what was coming instantly as she watched Sarah turn on her heel and aim the gun in her direction. And Emily could see it, too. Even before Sarah's hand reached its destination and the trigger had been pulled. Even before she heard JJ scream out in pain. Even before she physically saw the blood pooling against JJ's upper arm, staining her white shirt a deep shade of crimson.

The blonde barely had time to think before she felt a burning in her arm; the pain instant and excruciating on contact. Her natural instinct was to scream out in pain, to add pressure to the wound, but Sarah had ensured that she couldn't do either. She was certain that her wrist was broken from the force used as she tried in vain to cover the searing fire in her arm; it was all that she could do to keep her eyes open, the pain too much to handle as she bit down on her bottom lip as though that would distract her mind from the pain elsewhere on her body.

The brunette screeched and thrashed about in her chair once more, desperate to get to JJ, but it was no good. She could see JJ slipping in and out of consciousness as more and more blood seeped from her wound, and Emily's head dropped as, for the hundredth time today, a wave of nausea washed through her. This was _her_ fault, _she_ had caused this.

But before she had the chance to fully overt her eyes, her head was yanked back and held in place. "No! Don't even think about it! You get to watch this. You get to see the pain that _you _caused her. Are you happy now, Emily? Is that what you wanted?"

Emily vaguely heard Sarah laughing in her ear, but it was lost on her as she watched JJ, nothing but pain etched across her beautiful face. But what broke her heart the most was the strength that she saw slowly leaving her features, the strength that she was still clutching to. Why was she trying so desperately to pretend that she was fine? Perhaps she knew how guilty Emily felt? But Emily had heard the words that had left the blonde's mouth earlier; why would she care enough to save her feelings now?

"Take it all in, Emily." The voice came again. "Next time it's her brains that you'll be watching drain from her. Do you know what sound a bullet makes when it hits bone? When it hits the _skull_, Emily?"

"Fuck you! Fuck. You." Emily was at breaking point; this needed to end now.

"Perhaps later. Right now we're going to play that game. And this time, beautiful, we'll have none of your tricks. _Okay_?" The last word was spoken in such a mocking manner that Emily struggled to ignore the fire that had reignited within her veins and Sarah could see it. She could see it, but she didn't care; it just made this game more fun.

Emily watched as Sarah placed one bullet into her gun before speaking. "She's not even conscious, Sarah. How is she any use to you now?"

"Oh she's conscious enough. Besides, lighten up. You might win." She winked at Emily, excitement evident on her face. "Let's start out easy. A warm up. When is my birthday?"

Emily looked at her incredulous. "What?" Was she seriously asking her that question?

"Come on, Emily. You don't really want to test my patience again, do you?"

Remembering the prior outcome bitterly, she forced through gritted teeth. "May 25th."

"See that wasn't so hard, was it?" The smaller woman took up a position beside JJ and stretched out her arm until the barrel of the gun was pressed firmly against the blonde's temple. "Now, let's try another. Remember, get it wrong and.."

Emily almost jumped at the child-like gunshot imitation that tore from Sarah's lips. "Get on with it."

"Very well." It was subtle, but Sarah's voice changed as she posed her next question. "Why did you leave?"

The smaller woman was still giving off her clearly psychotic vibe, but there was something in this question that was different. Something that told Emily that as much as this situation was killing _her_, asking that question alone was killing _Sarah_. She was uncertain of how to answer, though; not sure what would be deemed as wrong and what would be deemed as right. She could tell her the truth; that she was too much, that she didn't want to be with her, but Emily wasn't sure at this point that Sarah was looking for that kind of truth.

"Because.." Emily paused for a second. "Sometimes relationships just don't work out, Sarah."

Sarah didn't wait for anymore. "Wrong answer."

Emily was certain that her heart was going beat right out of her chest in that second; the second between those words leaving the smaller woman's lips and the click of the gun that told her that she had had another lucky escape.

"Who's a lucky girl?" Sarah's voice seemed to be lacking confidence now, though Emily wasn't sure why. "Why did you tell me that you loved me?"

And then it hit her. She _had_ genuinely wanted to know the real reason why she had left; her lack of confidence evidence of her disappoint at not finally getting that answer. But could Emily really answer this question? Could she really tell her why?

She couldn't believe her luck when the rope snapped against her wrist, and she wondered for a second if Sarah had heard it too. She had been unconsciously rubbing the thick string against the back of the chair since JJ had been shot. Nerves, she put it down to. Or perhaps, instinct. She didn't know, but she didn't care.

"Emily, I'm waiting!"

The voice not only snapped her back into reality, but told her too that the smaller woman hadn't heard or noticed the surprise on her face. But she didn't know what to do now. Should she make her move? Of course.. the gun would then be pointed her way, but that was okay.

Opting to play it carefully, she composed herself and then began to answer the question. "Because.." But the slight movement from the blonde body opposite diverted her path, and as the movement stole Sarah's attention momentarily, Emily seized her opportunity.

She lunged forward at the same speed as the bullet that tore suddenly through her chest, knocking her backwards to the ground with a loud thud. She was certain that she'd heard a second gunshot right after, but as her mind faded, she really couldn't be certain. She pressed a hand to the wound and fought the darkness that was taking over, but eventually, the last bit of strength that she held drained from her body almost mockingly.

Her world faded to black, once bright eyes closed, and she was done.

* * *

**Author's Note 3:** Sorry. ;)


	21. The Waiting Game

**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry for the delay, everyone! I flew back to the UK a few days ago, so I've been a little busy. But don't worry; I haven't abandoned you or this story. ;) This is a short one I'm afraid, but I wanted to get it out the way, without cramming it somewhere that it didn't belong. As always, read and review please. Any ideas and/or suggestions are welcome, also.

**Author's Note 2:** Thank you to everyone who sent me their ideas yesterday. And also to Karmen Sandiego, for bouncing a few ideas around with me. :)

**Author's Note 3:** I've added more to this chapter. I had planned on giving information on what had happened with Sarah further in the story, but I didn't take into account that that may be confusing for some. So I've added a little. Not much, but I didn't want it to seem that it had been completely forgotten about, lol.

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

**THE WAITING GAME**

After the area around him had come back into focus and the ringing in his ears had stopped, Hotch was still rooted to the spot. It was only when Morgan and Reid pushed past him to get to Emily and JJ that he had come back to life, instructing his team on what to do next. Even the most together of leaders needed those two seconds sometimes; two seconds to really see what had just happened.

Emily was still on the floor unconscious, Rossi's hand now pressed to her gushing wound. Reid was fumbling with JJ's restraints, his concerned mind hindering his efforts until he composed himself and let her arms free. And Morgan was holding down an injured Sarah, putting her own wrists in restraints whilst making threats that clearly depicted his anger for putting his friends in danger.

Hotch knew that Sarah's cuffs were a little tighter than necessary, that Morgan had used a little more force than necessary, but he also knew that he would have done the same. He had been the one to put a bullet into Sarah, and yet it wasn't enough. It was both instantaneous and hesitant; just in the nick of time and too late. If only he had gotten there thirty seconds before, if only he'd sped up by just five miles per hour; _if only_.

**CM-CM-CM**

"You couldn't have helped it, Aaron." Rossi placed a reassuring hand on Hotch's shoulder as he took a seat beside him, reading his body language for what it was. "You did everything that you could. And if you didn't get there when you did, Emily would probably be dead now. JJ, too."

Hotch took no comfort from Rossi's words, reminding him. "But they're still injured. They're still both in surgery. They still could have died." He looked his friend in the eye for the first time. "And Sarah, she got what? A shot in the leg."

"But they _didn't_." Rossi shot back his own reminder; they were both still alive. Albeit, in less than fantastic condition, but they were alive. "And no. Sarah is gonna spend a long time rotting in jail with no chance of parole."

"Is that really enough?" Hotch asked seriously.

Across from Hotch, Garcia was fighting her own battle. If her girls didn't make it out of surgery alive, she would never forgive herself. If she was being rational, she could have told herself that JJ simply took a shot to the arm. Of course, nothing about being shot is at all 'simple', and she'd be unable to use that arm properly for 6 weeks at least, but once the surgeon had the bullet removed, she'd be fine; it wasn't life threatening.

And Emily, she had had a lucky escape. Whilst the force of the bullet had been powerful enough to knock her down, and the pain of it ripping through her chest, as well as the blood loss, had been enough to render her unconscious; it was also true that the bullet had lodged itself somewhere between her collarbone and lungs. It was nothing short of a damn miracle that it had missed the lungs, her heart, and any major arteries but somehow it had.

The quirky technical analyst knew all of this, but _what if_s still plagued her colourful mind.

Morgan sat by Garcia, his hand protectively strewn across the length of the chair back behind her. He knew what was currently swirling around in the redheads mind, and he wished that he could ease her pain, tell her that it wasn't her fault, but he'd be lying if he said that a part of him wasn't angry with her for keeping this one to herself; and angry at Emily too, for the same reasons. Still, his protective nature took the leading role; now wasn't the time.

Looking up, the dark agent was about to say something to Reid who was currently looking like a sad child who had lost his mother, when a nurse came around the corner to the waiting room.

"Agents Prentiss and Jareau?" The small blonde nurse asked as she waited for some indication of the people she should be talking to. She didn't have to wait long though, as all five of them anxiously rose to their feet and five sets of eager eyes stared her down.

Hotch was the one to step forward. "We're with them. What can you tell us?" His formal nature overrode the whirlwind of emotions plummeting through his brain.

"Ms. Jareau is currently in room 172. Her surgery went fine, the bullet was removed, and we're just waiting for her to wake up." Hotch nodded his head, a short wave of relief washing through him, "As you've already been informed, she will be unable to use her arm for a while, and field work is definitely out of the question for at least six weeks. But she is going to be just fine."

"Thank you." Complete appreciation and relief filled those two simple words before he continued hopefully. "And Emily?" He was certain that his heart stopped beating for a moment as he asked this question, genuinely uncertain whether she was even still alive.

"Ms. Prentiss.." The nurse sighed. "There were a few problems with her surgery." Hotch fought against the nerves-induced vomit that was making it's way to his throat and waited for the nurse to continue. "She lost a lot of blood, and whilst we were able to remove the bullet, we've had to put her in a medically induced coma."

The rest of the team stepped forward, with Garcia being the first to speak. "But she's going to be okay, right?" Despair and wavering hope filled her words; her usual free-spirited nature merely a shadow of her current self.

The nurse looked at Garcia as she spoke again but directed the response to everyone. "She should be just fine. We wanted to give her body proper time to fix itself. She's going to need a lot of support," her eyes trailed across all five people, "both now, _and_ when she wakes up."

"Of course." Morgan began. "What can we do for her?"

"Just be there for her. Talk to her. And when she's awake, she is probably going to need someone to stay with her for a couple of days, just until she's back on her feet."

"Certainly." Morgan responded, indicating in just one word that he would be the one to stay with her. Though, he knew that Emily wasn't going to allow it too easily; that woman was far too stubborn for her own good.

"When can we see them?" Rossi questioned, certain that they all needed to see with their own eyes that both women were alive. They weren't just colleagues; they were a _family_.

"As soon as Jennifer wakes up, which should be any time now, you can see her." The nurse began before looking down at a chart and then back up to the waiting agents. "Emily.. She's in the room next to Jennifer's, 171. But I'd recommend that you go in no more than one at a time."

Each person nodded their understanding, just grateful that they were able to see them at all.

"Thank you." Hotch said, turning to face his team as the young nurse nodded and walked away. He opened his mouth to say something, but Morgan was already gone, headed to Emily's room, he assumed. Morgan was nothing short of Emily's best friend, and he knew that whilst they all loved the brunette, there was a special bond between the two agents. So as a silent understanding, and direction to the rest of the team, Hotch took up a seat in the waiting room once more.

As each of them sat down, silence filled the room; each team member lost once again in their own mind. It would only be when they had seem Emily and JJ with their own eyes, alive and breathing, that the storm in their brain would stop.

But for now, they would wait it out.


	22. Family

**Author's Note:** I miss writing Emily and JJ's characters. Thankfully, I will be bringing JJ back into the next chapter, and possibly Emily, too; though, I haven't quite decided on that yet. Please review! They make me happy. :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the show, or the characters.

* * *

**FAMILY**

His anger completely dissipated as the door clicked behind him. It wasn't like he had planned on going in there yelling and screaming, demanding answers from the very incapable, and otherwise busy, brunette; but the frustration that was nagging at him before simply disappeared at the sight of Emily.

He didn't take a seat at her bedside; he didn't even approach said bed. Instead, he stood a couple of feet from the door, thus a couple of feet from her, and just watched her. In all honesty, he didn't know what to say to her; he just needed to _see_. He needed to see that she was breathing, that she was comfortable, that she wasn't in any pain.

Physically, she looked fine; a few scuffs, were all that was visible. Obviously, he knew that she had far more than a few scuffs to worry about, and the machines and tubes surrounding her reminded him of that, but he took a great deal of comfort from knowing that she wasn't in any pain now.

The sound of the door opening behind him didn't even register in his brain, and he only became aware of the other presence in the room when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"She's going to be okay, sweetie."

Whilst his anger towards Emily had ebbed, he couldn't say the same right now for Garcia, as was evidenced in the look that he shot her.

Garcia flinched at the look in his eye, before uttering a feeble. "I'm sorry."

He saw the genuine regret in her eyes and immediately felt guilty. It wasn't her fault; he knew that. He knew what Emily was like, and he also knew that Garcia wasn't one to break a promise, so he was aware of how difficult it must have been for her to take the information that she had to Hotch.

Lacing a comforting arm around her shoulder, he reminded her, just as she had moments before. "Emily is a fighter. She isn't going to let that crazy bitch win."

"But I should have told you guys sooner. I shouldn't have kept it to myself. I should have-"

"Baby girl.. You did nothing wrong. If you hadn't told Hotch when you did, Emily wouldn't even be alive to _be_ in a coma right now. Stop being so hard on yourself." He pulled her close to him and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Garcia looked up at him through teary eyes. "Thank you." Before turning back to Emily and heading over to her bedside.

Perching herself on the edge of the bed and taking Emily's hand, she began. "You better wake the hell up, Wonder Woman. And when you do, we're going to have a little conversation." Rising to her feet to press a kiss to Emily's head, she continued. "You don't have to do everything alone, Emily. You have a family."

Exiting the room moments later, Morgan and Garcia were met by Rossi and Reid.

"I thought we were only allowed in one at a time?" Reid piped up.

Rossi smiled at his innocence, before nudging the young guy inside, nodding at the pair as he did.

"Hey, Em." Reid said, so incredibly child-like as Rossi rounded the bed and stood uncomfortably; he never did know what to do or say in these situations. "You're lucky. Statistics show that-"

"Hey, Boy Wonder, perhaps now isn't the time?" Rossi smiled.

Smiling sheepishly, Reid nodded, before whispering to Emily. "Father has spoken. We'll talk about this later."

It was true that he and Hotch were like a father to the team, and Rossi found himself smiling at the sentiment. Secretly, he loved their childish quarrels, and their banter, and having to remind them what not to do; he loved that they were a family. Emily was a part of that family, and it would hurt like losing a child if she didn't make it. But not one to show his emotions so freely, he gave Emily's hand one quick squeeze, kissed her head gently, and nodded toward Reid. "We should let her get some rest."

The young doctor smiled and followed Rossi out of the small room. Once outside they headed back to the rest of the team, who they assumed would still be in the waiting area, though they only found Hotch when they arrived.

"Hey, where is everyone?" Reid asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

Looking up from the coffee in his hand, Hotch responded. "Morgan went to Emily's place to pick up a few things for her." Rising to his feet and throwing the half empty paper cup in the trash can, he continued. "JJ's awake. Garcia is in there with her now."

"Does she know about Emily?" Reid asked, concern lacing his words.

"I'm sure Garcia has filled her in by now. How is Emily doing?"

"Same." Rossi began. "Are you going to head down there?"

Hotch simply nodded his head, his mind clearly elsewhere, and with a quick pat of Rossi's shoulder, the stoic leader made his way to room 171.

He opened the door silently as if afraid to wake her and found himself slightly at a loss for words once on the other side. Making his way over to her bed, he searched his mind for the right thing to say, but came up with nothing.

"Where do I start?" He finally began, knowing the many questions that he had for Emily would have to wait. Who was Sarah? What did she want with her and JJ? Why was JJ even a part of it anyway? What was really going on between her and JJ?

He wasn't stupid; he'd picked up on something between the pair a long time ago. However, he needed confirmation in order to know what cards to play with Strauss; she wasn't going to be happy, but he also wasn't about to let her stand in the way of his "children's" happiness. He knew Emily and JJ well, and he knew that they could have both – their relationship and their job – without one getting in the way of the other. He just needed to figure out how to convince the dragon of that, and to do so, he needed answers.

Sighing, he gave a gentle squeeze to Emily's hand; a silent gesture, not only to show that he wished her well, but that he had her back, that he approved of her and JJ, and that it pained him to see her this way. "Get some rest, Prentiss."


	23. She's Worth It

**Author's Note:** I guess I disappeared again. Just a bit. ;) I suppose life just gets in the way sometimes. Anyway, I have the next few chapters of this planned, but not complete, so if you have any preferences on what you'd like to see, be sure to let me know! And as always; read and review. :)

**Disclaimer:** Do not own the show, yada yada yada..

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**SHE'S WORTH IT**

One by one, each member of the team, sans Emily, paid a visit to a now coherent JJ. The usual pleasantries you'd expect from such a situation were exchanged; none of them wanting to push her too hard, despite their obvious questions and queries.

JJ herself didn't have much to say; obviously distracted by the events of the past several hours – particularly one brunette. Even with the fact that her own life had been put in danger and that she'd only mildly escaped death, the one prominent constant in her mind was still Emily. She'd asked how she was doing of course, but nothing much further than that. She hadn't asked for details on Emily's injuries, or even how she had gotten them; mostly because she didn't have the mental capacity at that very moment to handle knowing any more than that she would make a full recovery. Of course, there were ten thousand questions currently swirling around in her beautiful mind, but it's also true that there was one very good reason as to why she was certain that she shouldn't care for their answers.

"Garcia, stop fussing." The blonde mildly scolded the redhead who was up and down like a yo-yo fetching her drinks that she hadn't asked for and fixing pillows that she hadn't complained about.

Sitting instantly, the technical analyst replied. "Sorry sweetie. I'm just so glad that you're okay. When I think about-"

"Stop. Please. I'm fine, _we're_ fine." She paused briefly and looked down at her hands. "Emily's fine."

The sudden change in JJ's tone hadn't gone unnoticed by Garcia, and she placed her own hand on the blonde's. "Emily _is_ fine, Jayje. Would you like to visit her?"

JJ's eyes suddenly filled with tears. She honestly didn't know the answer to that question. Did she want to visit her? Did she even want anything more to do with her? At this moment in time, JJ didn't have a clue what she wanted; her mouth opened and closed as answers were briefly considered but discarded until she finally settled on a barely audible whisper of, "No, it's fine."

Watching the blonde with quizzical eyes, Garcia knew that there was so much going on in the smaller woman's brain, so much plaguing her; more so than the whirlwind of extraordinary and life-threatening events that she had just endured. "What is it, honey?"

At that question, and the realisation of the answers, walls immediately formed around JJ. Shaking her head and placing a smile firmly on her lips, she replied. "Nothing. I'm fine."

Fine; that seemed to be the word of the conversation right now. But JJ was far from fine – she was heartbroken and lost. Was she really just a fuck to Emily? She thought that she knew this woman that she had been sleeping with for the better part of three months; but did she? Was it all just an act? And, what? The 'I love you' was just the final joke that she herself was the punchline to?

She may have confided in Garcia before, but right now she felt too stupid to even consider it. She thought herself to be a fairly intelligent woman, one who could read most of the countries serial killers without even breaking a mental sweat; but somehow, she'd missed any tell-tale signs that Emily was using her in some kind of twisted game.

"JJ-"

"Garcia. I'm fine." She made eye contact with her friend once more, except this time her eyes weren't the usual soft blue that brings automatic comfort to anyone around her; they're were fierce and serious. She knew that she was being unnecessarily harsh to the redhead, but she was done with this conversation. "As long as she's alive, there really is nothing more to talk about. Now, I need to get some rest."

Garcia didn't want to leave but she took the hint and rose from her seat. The blonde's harsh tone had hurt, obviously, but she could see that her pain paled in comparison to JJ's right now, and after a brief pause as she searched, and failed, for something, _anything_, to say, she left the room.

Now alone in the deafening silence of the hospital room, JJ had nothing but her thoughts to keep her company; and they weren't very friendly company. Perhaps she needed that time, though. She needed to understand what the hell had happened between her and Emily – whether it meant as much to the brunette as it did to her. Whether it even meant anything at all.

_Opening heavy lidded eyes, JJ caught a glimpse of something that she wasn't expecting in those of the brunette. Was that sadness? She wasn't sure. Somewhat reluctantly stilling the hand inside her, she whispered. "Baby, what's wrong?"_

_But as she asked the question, she visibly saw Emily's jaw lock and that sadness turn to fear; like she had just been caught doing something that she shouldn't have. And as she watched the older woman a little longer, trying desperately to catch any one of the emotions that seemed to fly from her face like a flock of disturbed birds, sudden words caught her off guard.  
_

"_You are so beautiful."_

JJ wrapped the thin hospital blanket around her a little more at the thought, as though protecting herself from a memory that, if Emily really was using her, was bound to hurt her for a long time to come. Though, is that really something that you say if you really don't care about someone? And.. why would she have looked so sad? Perhaps guilt, if the older woman did indeed have the capacity for such an emotion.

Upon further over-analysing, JJ came to realise that there were so many times that she had seen that look in Emily's eyes, so many times that she had felt that she should have asked what was troubling her, but didn't. Instead she had ignored it and continued chasing her orgasm or distracting herself with whatever case was at hand. At the time, she had been so certain that that look was an indication of an imminent end and she hadn't wanted to face it, but now she was sure that it was a result of something else..

JJ's eyes filled with tears once more at the thought; partly because if Emily really didn't care about her in that way, she knew that she was just making more of an idiot of herself by even contemplating that she might, and partly because if Emily _did_ care, she knew that she could have ruined it all by not taking the time to ask one simple question. Above all else though, regardless of Emily's feelings, she regretted not having been a friend to her. Before they had started whatever this had been between them, they had been inseparable; they drank wine, and shared stories, and laughed. They laughed a lot. She couldn't speak for Emily, but JJ had always taken something from the brunette's presence that left her feeling, quite simply, wonderful - until they had begun sleeping together, at least. Until the escape became the only important thing between them, almost as though it really was a drug; it was the only thing that mattered.

The phrase 'friends with benefits' kind of loses its meaning if you're not actually _friends_ with benefits.

The knock at the door shook her from her daydream, though a part of her was grateful for it. She knew only too well how her mind likes to overanalyse sometimes, and for a second she found herself envious of Emily's coma – if only she had such respite from her thoughts.

Shaking her head at such a ridiculous notion and pushing herself up on the bed, she swiped the stray tears from her face and called to the faceless presence at the door. "Come in."

A head poked around the slightly ajar door and a bright white smile flashed before her. "Hey, Jayje. I just thought I'd come check on my favourite blonde." He felt somewhat safe from mild acts of violence in saying that, given that Garcia was a redhead this week.

JJ's lips formed a warm smile and she felt a sudden sense of comfort in Morgan's presence. He was like an older brother to her, protective and safe, and though she'd all but forced Garcia to leave, she was grateful for the company. Sometimes, particularly in the times when you don't want to be alone but also don't want to be asked questions, it's nice to be in the company of someone who isn't your go-to person.

"Listen, baby girl." Morgan perched himself on the edge of the bed. "I spoke to Penelope."

JJ rolled her eyes at the statement. _So he's here to pick up where she left off. So much for being grateful for his company.  
_

The petulant eye-rolling wasn't lost on Morgan and he decided to try this a different way and made no attempt to keep the annoyance out of his voice. "Do you know what _happened_ to Emily? Do you know _why _she's in a coma?"

The blonde's heart jumped to her throat; she didn't know, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to. Shifting slightly on the bed, her eyes fell to her fumbling hands once again, but still she said nothing.

"Sweetie, she took a bullet to the chest." Morgan searched JJ's face for any tell-tale signs of what she was thinking, though it wouldn't take an expert. He didn't need to know what had happened in that room to know that Emily was the queen of avoidance – the duchess of messing up anything that involves breaking down the wall surrounding her heart. And he continued; Emily was in a coma but he wasn't, and perhaps he could fix this for her before she woke up. "A bullet that was meant for you.."

The small woman's tear-filled eyes shot up to meet Morgan's; somehow, she seemed both physically pained and relieved by his statement. _She took a bullet for me?_ And then it dawned on her. _You don't do that for someone who you just sleep with occasionally.._

"You don't take a bullet for someone you don't care about."

Though Morgan's words reflected JJ's thoughts, told her what she'd already concluded; she had needed to hear them. There was plenty that still didn't make sense, though, and a small frown formed against her beautiful skin. "But Morgan.. It's the same."

Not just slightly confused, Morgan responded. "W-what's the same?"

"The situation. I'm the same as Sarah. Heh.." A humourless laugh left her lips as she truly heard the words. "I am _just_ another Sarah."

Smiling slightly, the dark agent reassured. "Listen to me. Emily is a world of messed up. We both know that. But she's got a beautiful heart, Jayje." He reached out to lift JJ's chin to meet his gaze. "A heart that is completely yours. You need to fight for her. She's worth it, baby girl."


	24. Six Days

**Author's Note:** You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for all the reviews. You made me one happy girl. Keep them coming, and I hope you enjoy this update. :)

**Disclaimer:** Criminal Minds = not mine.

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**SIX DAYS**

She stood at the closed door of Emily's room, Morgan's word still ringing through her ears; _she's worth it_.

He was right and she knew it, but it didn't help the knot in her stomach. Emily may have been the one who had made the first move just yesterday afternoon, but JJ had still taken a risk in reciprocating and she still wasn't convinced that it hadn't been in vain. That is what terrified her beyond belief – what happened from here? If she put herself out there again, where would that leave her?

Apprehensively pushing the door open with her good arm, JJ tentatively stepped over the threshold and, effectively, into the fire. There was a chance that she would get burnt again, but if she didn't take those steps, she could be throwing away the warmth that she was still hopeful was in Emily's heart. Emily couldn't possibly be the cold person that Sarah painted her to be.. Not the Emily that she knew. Not the Emily who had told her she was beautiful as she came apart beneath her touch, not the Emily who had stood so nervously at her office door and declared feelings, _so many feelings_, for her, not the Emily who had taken a bullet for her.

The room was silent, except for a few sounds coming from the multitude of machines surrounding Emily. She had to remind herself that it was all scarier than it looked; that the coma was purposeful in fixing her currently broken body. To her though, the machines looked to be the only thing keeping her alive.

Taking a seat at the older woman's bedside, she wondered briefly if Emily even knew that she was there, if she could sense her presence or if she had heard her footsteps. If she spoke, would she hear her words? She'd read about that somewhere, seen it in the movies - that a patient in a coma can hear everything around them - but what would she say?

She ran a gentle finger along Emily's bruised cheek, flashing back immediately to the cause of the black and purple mark. She pulled her hand away like it had burnt as a rush of responsibility burst through her. She trailed her eyes down to the older agent's arm, remembering the moment that she had gotten the wound there and closed her now tear-filled eyes at the memory. And then her eyes fixed to Emily's chest. She was covered with a hospital gown, but JJ knew of the wound that lie beneath the thin material; the wound that wouldn't exist if it wasn't for her, the wound that would soon be a scar that Emily would have for the rest of her life _because_ of her.

She knew that it had been Emily's choice to take the bullet, and it was also true that JJ had her own soon-to-be scars, but that didn't ease the guilt. She should have done more to protect Emily and, oh God; what if she had died? What if she wasn't here right now?

JJ, never one to let herself off the hook too easily, didn't stop to think that maybe the one to blame was the one currently behind bars, or remember that she _had _tried to save Emily and would have taken a bullet herself for the brunette just as easily as Emily had done for her. And she really would have. A part of her didn't understand it; that truth. She did not do those kinds of feelings, not really, and yet there she was with a woman before her who she would exchange her whole life for and would so without even blinking.

Morgan had filled her in on the details - Emily's injuries, recovery time, necessary precautions following her release – and JJ had vowed in that second that she would be by her bedside each day until she woke up. She wanted hers to be the first face she saw when she opened her eyes; she wanted her to know that she wasn't going anywhere, both figuratively and literally.

And that's just what she did.

On that first evening, she had stayed the whole night, despite the doctors telling her that she needed her own rest. She drifted in and out of sleep in the chair beside Emily's bed, her mind unable to relax long enough for her to get more than twenty minutes of uninterrupted sleep.

The second day, she had read Emily the newspaper that Morgan had brought. She still wasn't certain that she could hear her, but it didn't matter. Emily read the newspaper every morning; today was going to be no different.

The doctor's had resigned themselves to the fact that Miss Jareau was the most stubborn person they had ever met on the third day and gave up on telling her to go back to her own room and rest. In fact, later that day, after checking her vitals, they deemed her fit for discharge. Though, this was quite possibly down to the fact that then she would no longer be a patient or an immediate relative, thus there would be certain hours that she would _have_ to go home and rest.

The fourth morning had seen JJ return to the hospital bright and early. She'd written Emily a letter the night before whilst trying and failing to sleep. It had been strange returning home to see the place exactly how she had left it four days prior – a day that they were meant to spend together in different ways. She couldn't shake that thought from her head, and had spent most of the previous evening writing down every single one of her thoughts for the brunette to read upon waking.

On the fifth day, Morgan and Garcia had popped in to see Emily. Though, it could be argued that they had actually come to check that JJ was still sane having had little to no sleep, and barely eaten in the past five days.

They brought her food, and had stayed to make sure that she actually ate it. They had told her what she was tired of hearing – to go home and rest – and of course, they failed. They spoke about the brunette's recovery process, and through gritted teeth JJ had reluctantly agreed that Morgan should stay with her; he'd sweetened the deal by allowing 'visiting hours' as long as that didn't include any physical exertion for the brunette – something that got him a swift punch to the arm and left a hint of sadness in JJ's gut.

The sixth day rolled around, and though JJ didn't realise it as she strolled purposefully into Emily's hospital room that morning – it was the day that her fight for the brunette would really, truly begin. Everything up until this point had merely been a warm-up.

Morgan and Garcia stopped by once again in the afternoon. They'd decided the day previous that it was doing JJ no good to be there alone, but they also knew that no amount of convincing would keep the blonde away. So instead, they'd both agreed amongst themselves to visit during their lunch break and at least give the younger woman some kind of two-sided conversation.

"Seriously guys, I'm fine." A tired JJ responded as the pair gave her a look that silently questioned how much sleep she had really had.

They knew that they weren't going to win – they'd already resigned themselves to that fact. "Okay, you're fine. But will you please at least take a walk, honey. Get a coffee. Grab a sandwich. Anything. Just allow yourself five minutes outside of this room."

"Yeah." Morgan added. "It ain't like Prentiss is going anywhere." His attempts at lightening the mood won him a stern look from both women, and he suddenly wished that he'd kept his mouth shut.

"Please, Jayje?" Garcia pleaded softly.

The blonde reluctantly agreed, rising from her seat. "Okay, okay. I won't be long. The doctor should be along soon to check her vitals." She turned to leave, before turning back instantly and adding. "Perhaps I should-

"JJ, go!" The pair said in unison and JJ realised that they meant business; swiftly leaving the room.

She didn't want coffee, she didn't want food. What if Emily woke up whilst she was gone? What if something went wrong and she wasn't there? Sighing to herself, JJ grabbed a bottle of water from the vending machine and wondered outside.

The sun felt amazing against her tired, aching body and she naturally took a deep breath and her eyes fell closed as soon as she was out in the courtyard of the hospital. Perhaps they were right, five minutes wouldn't hurt, and soon enough she felt herself truly relaxing as she perched herself on a nearby bench and just enjoyed the noise that didn't consist of a beeping machine.

She'd been gone almost twenty minutes when she wondered if she had been away long enough to keep the bossy twins at bay. And right on cue, her phone buzzed in her pocket.

"_She's awake."_

Within seconds she was back inside, turning each corridor like an excited child in a maze as she made her way through the never-ending twists and bends of the hospital and back to Emily's room. It took her approximately sixty seconds to reach her destination, but she was certain that she didn't breath for any one of them. But as she reached the door, her hand gripped tight around the handle, she stopped dead in her tracks. She just needed to see and really have a moment to drink in the fact that Emily was awake, she was sitting up, she was _alive_.

Finally, she gently nudged the door open. She wasn't really sure how comas worked, but she was pretty certain that what Emily didn't need after her ordeal was a stressed blonde bouncing through the door firing hundreds of questions her way. So with a soft smile on her face, she walked in slowly, cautiously. But that smile dropped as soon as the conversation inside the small room suddenly did. The expression on Emily's own face had changed so abruptly - from gentle smiles to anger - and it broke her heart to see; even more to know she was the reason.

"Uh.. we'll wait outside." Morgan spoke uncomfortably as she felt the sudden change in atmosphere.

"No." Emily immediately spat out; her voice horse and dry, her now black eyes locked on JJ's.

Morgan stepped forward slightly at the brunette's harsh tone, a frown formed between his eyes. "Em-"

"I have absolutely nothing to say to her."

JJ felt her heart break even more at Emily's words. She knew that they'd have issues, but what had she done to deserve this? Wasn't she the one who should be angry?

Garcia tried too, to tame the elephant in the room, but to no avail.

"It's okay." JJ spoke with a dismissive hand. "Whatever she wants." And with that, she left the room – her shattered heart and stormy brain in tow.

_Whatever she wants._


	25. People Change

**Author's Note:** I spent a lot of my Monday writing, so the following two chapters are very nearly ready to be uploaded. Be liberal with your reviews, and I may just give you another update tonight. ;)

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it.

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**PEOPLE CHANGE**

The room was silent.

Both Morgan and Garcia's eyes were wide at this new, harsh side of Emily; neither could quite believe what they had just seen and frankly, they were a little afraid to speak. And Emily herself was just staring; her eyes burning through the door that JJ had just exited.

It's true that Emily was Morgan's best friend, but right now he just wanted to slap her. Surely he was missing something? He had never known Emily to be that cruel unless she was purposely taunting an unsub, and certainly never, ever, towards JJ. Honestly, it hurt him to see. What had happened to force her into such a heartless frame of mind? Was it some kind of residual effect from the coma? That didn't make sense, though; she had been pleasant and seemed genuinely pleased to see himself and Garcia. So what had JJ done?

The fire in Garcia's eyes pulled him suddenly from his wondering mind though, and he immediately ushered the redheaded woman outside. He knew that look; it was the same one that he himself got when someone hurt Emily.

"Let me handle this, baby girl." He spoke quietly once on the other side of the door, trying to calm his friend.

"But Derek, she-"

"I know. I know. But _please_, let me take care of it." He brushed the hair from her face. "You go check on JJ. I think she needs you right now."

Nodding, Garcia reluctantly agreed. "Well, you just make sure to tell her that I'm not done with her."

Laughing, Morgan simply nodded his head in response as he watched her go. He loved how passionate she got, and her angry face was quite possibly the most adorable thing that he had ever seen. Perhaps one of these days he'd find the courage to tell her that, but right now, there were more pressing issues at hand.

"So.." He immediately began as he walked back inside the room. "You wana tell me what the hell that was about or should I go ask JJ? Though, considering the look on her face, I'm not sure even she knows what she did to deserve that."

Emily scoffed at his words and shook her head, giving a complete non-answer. "There's nothing to say."

He looked at her incredulous – seriously, what the hell was he missing here? This wasn't Emily. He was determined to get to the root cause of this, but as he watched her struggle to get herself up out of bed, he realised that now wasn't the time. "Here, let me help you, Princess."

"Morgan, I can do it. Stop fussing."

_And so the stubbornness begins_, he thought to himself as he rolled his eyes. "No. You can't. Not without hurting yourself more. So you're going to let me help you."

Reluctantly, as pain seared through her chest with each movement - even more so than the pain that was already taking up most of her chest from seeing JJ - the brunette gave in with a sigh. "Fine."

As he helped Emily to the bathroom and turned to close the door to allow her some privacy, he added. "Oh, and you'll be pleased to know that you'll have me to keep you company for the next week. I'm moving in." He said that last part with a grin and closed the door on a wide-eyed Emily before she could even consider complaining.

After sitting with Emily whilst the doctor checked her vitals and informed the very disgruntled brunette that she would have stay in one more night, Morgan decided that it was time to get to the bottom of whatever had lead Emily to be so.. well, not Emily. "So what did she do?"

Emily's jaw locked; Morgan had no clue that the question that he was asking actually left him in the firing line too, but he was about to find out. "I thought you were my friend?"

"I.." Morgan's brow furrowed; that wasn't the response that he had expected, but something in his gut told him that it was deserved. "I am, Emily."

"Really?" Emily nodded with a humourless laugh. "Then why did you lie to me? Why didn't you bother telling me that that 'nothing worth mentioning' that happened between JJ and Will actually amounted to her _fucking_ him?"

Morgan sighed. He knew that this would happen eventually, even if he had had good intentions in not telling Emily what had really happened. "She didn't have sex with him, Emily."

"Yeah, I _really_ believe that."

"Em, you need to talk to her. Yes, I do know what happened but what I know has been relayed from Garcia. Talk to JJ, Emily." How the hell had he gotten caught in the middle of this? "And the reason I didn't tell you is because what good would it have done? JJ isn't a bad person, at all. I don't know why she did what she did but I have a feeling that you're the only person she will ever give a reason to."

"She can do whatever the hell she likes, _with_ whoever she likes. She can fuck the entire Bureau for all I care." She did care, but no part of her wanted to. She had been hoping that Morgan would genuinely have no idea what she was talking about, hoping that what she had heard in that damp basement was simply JJ trying to fool Sarah. But since Morgan had confirmed JJ's words, she now had very real reason to question everything else that the blonde had said - as well as Morgan's loyalty considering that he had allowed her to walk into this fire. "My issue is with you. _You_ pushed me, Morgan. You pushed me to hand my heart to her on a platter when you knew that she had already broken it. Why would you do that to me?"

He could see the sadness in her eyes; she wasn't angry anymore, she was genuinely hurt and it radiated through her final question. "Oh princess, I'm so sorry." He reached out his hand but she abruptly pulled hers away. "Em.. Please.. I wouldn't have told you to tell JJ how you feel if I genuinely thought that you were going to get hurt."

"Please leave, Morgan."

Morgan sighed again. He had truly fucked up this time. Deciding that is was probably time to head back to work anyway - he was already running late but he figured that the mounting case files on his desk would understand - he decided to leave it there. Anything that he said from this point would likely only make it worse anyway.

"I'll come collect you in the morning." The look on Emily's face was less than impressed, but he'd expected as much, and with a small resigning nod, he left.

Now alone in the empty hospital room, Emily didn't know what to do with herself. She was tired - which she found rather amusing considering that she had spent the past six days effectively sleeping – but she didn't want to sleep. She wasn't certain that she _could_ sleep, even if she tried; her relentlessly spinning mind making it an impossibility and the graphic visuals that were tormenting her didn't help either. She just could not get the image of JJ with her 'mouth wrapped around Will's cock', as the blonde had so delightfully put it, out of her head. Each time she closed her eyes it was there painted on her eyelids like she was actually witnessing a real time event.

Whilst she was in the bathroom, she had checked over her bullet hole in the mirror – traced her finger over the now healing wound, almost like she cared about it. It wasn't the scar that she cared about though, it was the reason that she had it; not the 'reason' who had pulled the trigger, but the 'reason' who pushed her to put herself in the firing line without even considering that it may end her life.

She had done it to protect JJ, because she couldn't bear the thought of her life without her in it. And yet now, after miraculously surviving, here she was, alone in an empty room – without JJ in her life. But did she, indeed, want JJ in her life? Yep - about as much as she wanted this damn reminder etched into her chest every day for the rest of that life. That was the point where she had stormed out of the bathroom, as much as her fragile body would allow, and proceeded to be much less than social for the remainder of the time that Morgan was with her; aside from that one conversation that she probably would have avoided forever had he not pushed so hard.

Honestly, she had been relieved that Morgan had left, but now she felt like she was going insane. Even as hurt as she was, she knew that he wasn't a bad guy and he would never, ever, advise her to do something that he knew would leave her feeling this way. So why had he? A part of her wished that he hadn't left when she told him to, that he had instead allowed her to use him as punchbag until she got the disease that was her own broken heart out of her system - because that was the _real_ reason that she was so angry with him. If she thought about it through her profiler eyes, she would have realised that it wasn't Morgan who she was angry at at all; it was JJ. She was projecting her emotions, and now this somehow tiny room felt so damn suffocating. She never did understand how these dull and morbid hospital rooms were supposed to make anyone feel better. She didn't feel better, in any sense of the word. She just wanted to sleep, to forget, and found herself morbidly longing for her comatose state to return.

Before he had left, Morgan had fetched her things, which basically consisted of her phone, credentials, gun and keys given that her clothing was destroyed either from the gunshot or the paramedics tearing them from her body to get to the wound. But her destroyed designer outfit was the least of her troubles.

Reaching across to the bedside table awkwardly, Emily grabbed the bag filled with her belongings and retrieved her phone. She held down the on button and was both disappointed and relieved when it didn't spring to life. What would she say to JJ anyway? _Oh I'm sorry for being such a bitch, but my hearts a little bit broken right now. Almost literally.  
_

Laughing humourlessly, she threw the phone on the bed in front of her and reached back inside the bag. It was like Christmas, only not as exciting and she already knew what was in the sack of not-so wonders anyway; but at least for as long as she could drag out this simple task of looking through her belongings, her mind was somewhat occupied.

She pulled her keys from the bag just as a knock at the door interrupted her. It was the doctor who she'd previously been speaking with and she wasted no time as he entered. "You've come to tell me that I can go home, right?"

A slight smile tugging the corners of his lips, the doctor responded. "Ms Prentiss, you have been in a coma for six days. Do you really think that you're ready to leave?"

"Yes." The answer was instantaneous and her eyebrow raised – what did he honestly expect her to say? She hated being cooped up in this tiny room; she wanted her own bed, her own things, her own space to organise the thoughts in her mind that were currently anything _but_ organised.

Sighing, the doctor looked over her chart. "You _are_ doing remarkably well. Clearly it wasn't your time. You had a lucky escape, Agent." His eyes met Emily's, placing sincerity in his words – she really had had a lucky escape.

The words weren't lost on Emily. He was right, but she somehow felt that she was supposed to be taking more from his words – some kind of cryptic message that she wasn't receiving. But just as a frown formed on her forehead, the doctor spoke again.

"If you give your girlfriend a call, you can go home."

_What the fuck? Since when did doctors take such a big interest in your love life? Is he really going to hold me captive here until I agree to talk to her?_

Noticing the gawky and confused look on the brunette's face, the young doctor added. "I'm sorry if I've misunderstood. The blonde lady – she's been here every day. Almost as stubborn as I've come to realise you are, actually. Anyway, I just assumed that she was your girlfriend and that she'd be who you should call if you are going to be released."

Emily almost missed the tiny detail of her release; too wrapped up in another small detail. _She was really here every day? But why would she..  
_

Shaking her head, finally catching what she had almost missed, she practically yelled. "Morgan! I'll call Morgan." Quite honestly, she just wanted to get dressed and leave right now, but one; she knew that the doctor would never allow her to leave alone, and two; get dressed into what exactly? She, with great reluctance, had to admit that she needed Morgan.

The doctor felt somewhat like he had poked the bear. He had expected her to be a little happier with this news if he was honest, but not thinking anything more of it - his job was done - he replied before leaving the room. "Make sure you do, Ms Prentiss. I'll sort your discharge papers."

**CM-CM-CM**

"This is gona be fun." An overly happy Morgan spoke as they reached the door of Emily's apartment. The subtle smile that she had sent his way when he picked her up from the hospital told him that she didn't hate him so much anymore and that had left a joyous bounce in his step. He hated when Emily was mad at him.. even if he did deserve that anger.

Emily stopped and raised her eyebrows at the only reason that she was currently standing. _I've been shot in the chest by my crazy ex, JJ thought it would be fun to lie to me and use me as some kind of sex toy, and I'm having to be all but carried to my apartment because I'm incapable of helping myself_. "Yeah.. Fun.."

Once inside, Morgan attempted to help Emily to her bedroom, but she wasn't having any of it and instead made her way over to the sofa. "Morgan, I've slept for six days. Six whole damn days. Do you honestly think that I want to sleep some more?"

"Your choice, Prentiss." He said with a smirk on his face – a smirk that told Emily that she should have chosen the sleep option – and made his way over to where she was sat, handing her a bottle of water and her pain medication as he did. "So.."

Emily rolled her eyes; he seriously had some balls bringing this up again. "Please don't, Morgan."

"You don't wana talk about it? What's your plan then? To lock her up in one of those compartments of yours?" He was being harsh, but he needed to get through to her, even if that did mean ruining the slight reprieve that he had gotten from her annoyance. In some backward way, this was actually his way of apology - he couldn't allow Emily to walk away from what they both knew to be the best thing that had happened to her.

The brunette shot him a stern look before she actually thought about his question. What _was_ she going to do? "The doctor told me she was there every day." She looked up at him, as if her statement was a question and that she was waiting for an answer. "Every day.."

"She was." He nodded. "Practically every _minute_ of every day."

She simply nodded in response and her stubborn mind concluded that the blonde had only stayed because she felt some sort of responsibility for her injuries, or guilt over the lies that she had told. _It's not her problem. She made her feelings very clear._

"Emily.. I don't get it. You took a _bullet_ for her. I get that you're hurting over what happened, but now.." A burst of air passed Morgan's lips. "Well, now it's like you hate her."

"I do." Emily tossed her pain medication to the back of her throat and took a few swigs of water. "That doesn't mean I want her dead, though."

"I know it doesn't I just-"

"People change, Morgan. And sometimes," she took another sip of her water. "Sometimes people just never actually were the person you thought they were."

Morgan watched his friend closely. Clearly talking to her wasn't going to help – he needed to change his plan if he expected to get anywhere.


	26. Do You Feel Anything?

**Author's Note:** Told you you'd get a quick update. And all I can say about this chapter is.. FINALLY. :)

**Disclaimer:** No, I haven't suddenly gained the rights to the show within the last two hours.

* * *

**DO YOU FEEL ANYTHING?**

Three days past with Morgan fetching and carrying for Emily, as well as slipping in random JJ related questions here and there, and that was three days too much for the brunette. She was becoming increasingly annoyed with him hovering around her, telling her what to eat, when to sleep, what to do – and thankfully she was beginning to regain her strength.

The knock at the door startled Emily from an already restless sleep. It's all good and well being told to 'get plenty of rest', but when your brain is buzzing constantly at what feels like a thousand miles an hour, how is that possible? She couldn't understand why her stellar compartmentalization skills were failing her right now.

Rolling over onto her left side, the knock came again and she groaned at the sound. "Morgan, will you get that?" _Isn't this exactly why he's here? So I can rest?_

The knocking sound filled the room once more and reluctantly she dragged herself out of bed, wrapped a dressing gown around herself and headed down the stairs. "Derek Morgan. I did not want you here in the first place. But if you're gona be here hovering around like a little old lady you could at least do your job." She grumbled the mini rant to herself as she descended the stairs, each step a little louder than necessary.

She looked through the peephole as she reached the door, and her brow furrowed at the young nerdy looking guy stood with a parcel. _This better be good._

"Hi." She spoke as she opened the door, trying her best not to take her god awful mood out on the poor guy.

"Sign here please, Miss Prentiss." He said with a semi-sympathetic smile as he held a stylus and a small handheld computer out to a disheveled looking Emily.

Scribbling her signature in the small box provided, Emily took the package, thanked him, and headed back inside.

Before she'd even taken two steps, her stomach began to churn. The last package she had received resulted in her being shot and she had to remind herself that Sarah was behind bars. She hadn't actually thought about her until that point, and she'd be very happy if she didn't again for the rest of her life.

Placing the package on the counter, she pulled a knife from a nearby drawer and sliced along the line of tape. A sweet smell emanated from the packaging as she pulled the cardboard aside, and a small card came into her view.

"_We know it's customary to send flowers when someone is sick, __but since someone ruined flowers for all of us with her psycho lesbian stalker brain.."_

A line of scribble making the last fifteen words barely legible told her that Garcia had written the first part of the message, and she smiled as she imagined both her and Morgan fighting over what is appropriate to write in a get well card, before reading the rest.

"_but who doesn't love cake? We're thinking of you, Prentiss. Get well soon._

_The team."_

Smiling, Emily closed the card and laughed at the penguin on the front; only made better by its newly amended Glock and badge with "BADASS" written across it, both drawn in purple ink. She had some wonderful friends.

Dropping the card to the table, she reached inside the box and took one of the cupcakes – who said breakfast had to be healthy? – and headed upstairs to take a shower.

She took longer than usual in the bathroom, allowing the hot water to cascade over her body long after she was clean. Her scar was healing nicely - unfortunately, her brain wasn't. Each time she looked at it she thought of JJ. It was a constant reminder of how much she loved her, of the life she would gladly give for her – a constant reminder that that love was a one way street.

Never one to feel sorry for herself, Emily climbed out of the shower and dried off; heading to the bedroom once she'd finished to grab her phone to text Morgan.

_Thank everyone for the cupcakes, they're amazing!_

She was glad to be feeling back to her old self today. It still hurt to do certain things – attempting to wash her hair in the shower had been a feat – but she was getting back on track. She was so ready to be back at work.

Her phone buzzed as she opened her closet, looking for anything remotely comfortable to wear.

_You already had one? It's barely even 9am. There's the Emily I know. ;)_

Smiling, she replied quickly.

_Yep. And oh look, I think I'll have another. You have only yourself to blame Morgan, if I put on 100 pounds and can't save your ass anymore. _

She dressed herself rather awkwardly, though a lot better that she had been able to in previous days and turned to head downstairs before her phone buzzed again.

_I'll let you have that one, but only because I'll probably be the one with a gunshot wound as soon as your other gift arrives.._

_Other gift? What?_ Sitting down on the bed now, Emily wrote back instantly. She had a bad feeling about this.

_What other gift Morgan?_

The thirty seconds it took him to reply seemed like forever as she sat twirling her phone between her thumb and index finger.

_JJ's on her way over._

"Derek Morgan I am going to kill you!" She all but shouted the words as she threw the phone to her bed, pulled on a jacket and shoes and headed to leave her apartment. She wasn't exactly certain where she was going – anywhere that JJ wasn't.

Taking a second to check the peephole for any signs of the blonde, Emily rushed out of the door and hastily made her way to the elevator, still reeling from Morgan's text. _Why the hell is she on her way over? And why, oh WHY, would he not stop her?_

She ran her hand through her still damp hair as she waited for the elevator doors to close and winced slightly at the pain the sudden stretch had caused.

"You really need to be more careful, Emily." A hand slammed against the elevator doors, preventing it from closing.

The voice startled her and she looked up to find blue eyes staring back at her. Her eyes widened as her brain registered that she was in the presence of JJ and suddenly she felt trapped.

Her natural instincts kicking in, walls formed around Emily. Nonchalance etched its way across her face before she spoke, "If you're here to talk, you really don't need to bother. Let's just forget about it, eh?" As the words left her mouth, the brunette noticed the large brown envelope in JJ's hand.

"Are you fucking serious Emily? You honestly think I'd come over here willingly after the other day?" The words, as well as the tone they were spoke in, stung. "And if Morgan hadn't been busy then I wouldn't be here at all."

_You are so dead, Morgan._ Emily thought to herself once again, and words failed her in that instant - she was mortified with embarrassment at her assumption, but mostly she was hurt and angry.

Before she had chance to even try to form a sentence, JJ interrupted her, "Hotch needs you to sign these papers so he can get them to Strauss. So please do it so I can leave."

Reaching out a hand for the papers, still lost for words even slightly relevant to the emotions swirling through her brain, Emily asked, "Pen?"

JJ watched her for a few seconds, incredulous to the fact that Emily really had nothing to say, before shaking her head and pulling one from her pocket and handing it to her.

The three seconds it took for Emily too sign the signature areas were excruciatingly awkward. The air was thick with tension and emotion, and neither one of them seemed to be willing to do anything about it.

"Here."

JJ's eyes locked with Emily's. _Do you feel anything?_

Shaking her head and breaking eye contact, she stepped forward to grab the papers from her hand, causing the elevator doors to close. "Shit."

"What's the big deal? You're leaving anyway right?"

JJ's saw red at the brunette's words. "What the big deal?" She slammed the emergency stop button. "I'll tell you what the big deal is Emily. I spent six straight days in that room with you. Not because I felt I had to, but because I wanted to. And for what? For you to treat me like a stranger? Why the hell would I now want to spend the next thirty seconds in another enclosed space with you?"

"Jayj-"

"No, you're gona listen to me." Emily found herself suddenly turned on by JJ's anger. "You haven't spoken a word to me since you woke up. Not one damn word. Nine days ago you were oh so in love with me. But that was all part of your game wasn't it?"

Emily rolled her eyes and scoffed at JJ's last words. _She's one to talk._

"Seriously Em. That's all you have? Do you even feel anything? Do you-"

JJ was cut off by lips crushed against hers, by the force of her back meeting the bar surrounding the elevator, by the emotions that suddenly formed as a lump in her throat. She whimpered, fighting back her anger, her pain, her love for this god damn infuriating woman.

"Do you-" She tried in vain to get her words past her lips, but the brunette's mouth on hers was relentless. "Do-" She very nearly gave in, but she needed an answer. Grabbing a fist full of Emily's hair and pulling her head slightly, she finally got out, "Do you feel anything?"

Emily's impossibly darker eyes locked onto JJ's. She was scared, terrified even. She still didn't have an explanation for the words JJ had exchanged with Sarah, but she wanted, _needed_, to feel the blonde – even if it would be the last time. "I'll show you what I feel."

* * *

**Author's Note 2:** So the part that is supposed to be scribbled out on the card? I'd actually tried to use strike-through there but FanFiction was having none of it. That would be why it may not make sense.


	27. Wake Up

**Author's Note:** I'm afraid that this is the penultimate chapter. I can't believe I've been writing this on and off for over two years now. But yeah, I think it's most definitely run it's course and there's not really anywhere else I can take it.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

**WAKE UP**

JJ wanted to cry; _is that really all she thinks I want?_ And before she could stop herself, her thoughts left her lips in a whisper, "Is that all you think you are to me?"

Emily didn't know what to do with the question. Truth is, that is all she had ever felt she was to most people, and considering JJ's admission to Sarah, what was she supposed to think? She wasn't stupid, and she herself had said words primarily to get them out of that situation, but her frustrating determination to keep her heart protected prevented her from seeing the situation with clarity.

She bit her lip, her eyes tentatively locking with the blonde's; she looked like a lost child. "Yes."

That one word stung more than JJ thought possible, but the sadness evident in the brunette's eyes softened the slight surge of anger and defensiveness that washed through her. Taking a step forward and placing a hand on Emily's arm, JJ asked, "Why, Emily?"

Emily watched JJ for a few seconds and then began to pace, "I want out of this elevator." And want out, she did. The enclosed space was beginning to feel claustrophobic; only made worse by a certain blonde and her questions. Did she really care to know the answer? And furthermore, did Emily herself want to face the possibility that what JJ had said to Sarah was true? Yeah, that is what she was thinking anyway, but that wouldn't ease the pain of having it confirmed.

JJ could see the panic in Emily, and in an attempt to ease it, she pressed a few buttons on the elevator; the doors opening immediately. "You can go, Emily."

The blonde had given her an out, and as the brunette took steps towards the doors, JJ was certain that she'd chosen to take it. The disappointment was evident on her face as Emily turned around, and the question that left the brunette's mouth was far from expected, "Why did you stay with me?"

It took every ounce of Emily's bravery to ask that question. She spent her life tracking down the countries most hardened criminals, dealing with the sickest minds – but when it came to discussing her feelings, she was lost.

JJ felt suddenly relieved - it wasn't just a question, it was the perfect segue into the conversation that they so clearly needed to have. "I stayed, Emily," JJ stepped forward and took Emily's hand, "because where else would I be?"

Emily's features softened further as her eyes fixed on the blonde's hand on hers.

"Emily, look at me." It was a demand really, but the words were spoken softly. And as brown eyes met blue, JJ reached up her hand and brushed the brunette's still damp hair from her face. The anger that the blonde had felt just moments before had washed away. "What is it?"

"I remember everything, JJ. The damp smell of the room, the feel of the rope cutting into my wrists, the gunshot." Emily looked up at her for the first time. "What you told Sarah when you thought I was unconscious.."

A bulb seemed to light in JJ's brain, and her face contorted into an expression somewhere between gentle and confused. How could Emily, one of the best minds in the FBI, not consider the possibility that JJ's words were nothing more than a psychological game? "Is that what this is about baby?" _No wonder she thinks I only want sex from her_, she scolded herself.

Emily sucked her lip between her teeth, words failing her. The expression on JJ's face bothered her, and she immediately felt ridiculous. She knew she should have trusted JJ and have given her the benefit of the doubt, but when you've spent your whole life protecting your heart, and feeling like you're worth only what people can use you for; anything beyond questioning your self-worth doesn't come naturally.

Shaking her head, Emily began to backtrack; her defensive nature taking a hold once more. "It doesn't matter JJ." She smiled. "I should let you get back to work."

And that's when JJ saw the truth – Emily was just as afraid as her. "I do have to get these papers back to Hotch." It wasn't what she wanted to say. What she really wanted was to stay, to get to the bottom of this mess that they'd somehow fallen into, but she didn't have a choice. And even if she did, she wanted to see if Emily was willing to fight for her, or if her fears were enough to prevent her from going after what she wanted.

Emily never flinched, her defenses firmly in place. "Yeah, of course." She spoke as she stepped out of the elevator.

But JJ could see straight through them. "You know where I am." She left the ball effectively in Emily's court; hoping that she wouldn't regret it. Stepping forward and placing a soft kiss to Emily's cheek, the blonde whispered, "Please, Em. Wake up."

And with that, she slipped her hand into her pocket, retrieving the note that she'd not had chance to give to the brunette at the hospital, and had carried with her ever since as some kind of physical form of hope. She slid it into the pocket of Emily's jacket, before stepping back just in time for the doors to close in front of her – to close on her life; both metaphorically and physically. She only hoped that soon enough, they'd open again.

Standing on the other side of the doors, Emily watched them close, JJ's whispered words still ringing deafeningly loud through her ears.

After making her way back to her apartment, feeling somehow more empty than she had since she woke up; she placed her hand in the pocket that she'd been holding since she'd felt the blondes own small hand there, and pulled out the worn, folded piece of paper.

'Emily' was scrawled across the front, and with her heart in her throat she unfolded the note and trailed her eyes over the words that she was dreading.

_Emily,_

_You're sleeping as I write this. I'd rather say that you're sleeping; it makes it seem somewhat more peaceful than the truth. A truth that, I know, is a result of your innate need to protect everyone – to protect me. I'm forever indebted to you for that, Emily._

_Falling for you was never my plan, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't know it was going to happen. A part of me always did – a part of me already __**had**__, long before this, between you and I, began. _

_And now you're lying in a hospital bed, and I have never felt more conflicted in my life. You're there, and I hate the pain that you must have felt, and will feel once you wake up. Yet, a small part of me takes comfort from you being there - from knowing that if you didn't love me as much as you do, you wouldn't be there. Does that make me a bad person?_

_I'm sure it does, but I like to think that everything happens for a reason and I know you think the same. Which is why I know this will make sense to you._

_I'll be honest; I was more than a little lost when I woke up, more than a little hurt. I was so sure that I'd gotten all of this wrong – so sure that I was nothing but a game to you, a conquest. And then I saw you lying there, lifeless, a result of what you feel for me and everything made sense again, everything was clear. I'm so sorry for doubting you, Emily. I'm so sorry for letting her win, even if it was just momentarily._

_I'm sure – or rather, I hope – that your dreams are being kind to you right now. But baby, I need you to wake up. I need you here. I promise to make reality sweeter than anything you could be dreaming. Please, Em? Wake up._

_I love you. I need you._

_- Jennifer_

"_Please, Em. Wake up."_ And wake up, she did.

She was somewhere between relief and guilt, joy and pain. She'd always known that she wasn't the type to wear her heart on her sleeve, and that it didn't take much to drag her back into her old ways after she'd taken a few baby steps forward – but when had protecting her heart effectively turned into destroying it? She had been so set on keeping her defenses high and her emotions at bay, that she hadn't stopped to consider what she was losing in the process, what she was doing to JJ.

She hadn't stopped to consider the tiny, but now very real, possibility that perhaps someone loved her just as she was, and wanted her - not because of the lifestyle her wealth could provide, or because they had an itch that they just couldn't scratch themselves - but because she was someone that made their world a much brighter place just by being a part of it.

It was all new to her, and she felt her defenses slowly crumbling.

Pulling her phone from her pocket, she ran with this new bravery before it had chance to disappear. Upon reading a text from Morgan – _Should I be writing out a will sometime in the very near future?_ – she hit call. "Hey Morgan, is JJ still at the office?"

"Hey Prentiss. No, none of us are. Hotch sent us home for the rest of the day. I was heading back to yours actually. But by the sounds of it.. I shouldn't bother?" There was hope in his voice.

"You shouldn't. Well.. I don't think you should. I don't know." She paused for a second. "I think I messed up big time Morgan."

"Yep. But lucky for you, that girl loves the ass off you."

She couldn't help the smile, and she hoped beyond hope that he was right. But really, she knew he was.

"Go get her, Princess."

* * *

**Author's Note 2:** I'm debating whether to watch the Olympic Closing Ceremony tonight or get straight on with writing the next and final chapter. I'll see how nice I'm feeling. :)


	28. Always

**Author's Note:** So, this is it. It's been a fun, if not interesting, ride. Thank you for keeping me company and putting up with my tendency to disappear on this story. You're all wonderful. :) I thought the story should go out with a 'bang', so to speak. ;) I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I didn't own anything at the beginning of this story, and I still don't now.

* * *

**ALWAYS**

Emily stood outside the door to JJ's house, fumbling with a loose thread on her jacket. Nerves weren't usually a quality she held, and she wasn't relishing their sudden presence.

Before she had chance to work herself into too much of a state though, the door opened to reveal a relieved, albeit surprised, looking JJ. "Em-" She began with smiling eyes, but was cut off instantly.

"Don't say anything." Emily began as she pushed passed the blonde and into the house. "I'm a complete ass." She turned to face JJ who was stood, arms folded, in front of the now closed door. "I'm stubborn. I'm defensive. I'm a coward. And I will never be someone that can hand you their heart on a platter at any given moment."

"Baby-"

"No. Let me finish." Emily began to pace. "I'm an ass.."

JJ laughed, "You said that part already."

She shook her head, growing increasingly frustrated with her inability to say what was in her mind – she was far better at writing things down, and even better than that at just not saying anything at all. But this was JJ, and too, her last chance. "I've got a lot of fucking issues, JJ. I'm a difficult person, and I don't know that that is ever going to change. But I know, more than I've ever known anything, that I love you. I don't know what that means anymore. But I do. And I'm gona fuck up. Probably a lot. But I'm also gona try really hard not to."

JJ's heart was aching. If it was possible, she had never loved Emily more than she did in that moment. She took a small step forward, "Are you done?"

Emily was suddenly terrified beyond belief – her bravery had left her standing there alone, a deer caught in the headlights. "I think so.."

"Good." JJ took another step forward. "First of all, I know you love me." Another step, "You don't need to tell me that." She took one last step so she was standing directly in front of Emily, and raised a hand to lift the brunette's chin. "You _show_ me that with everything you do. Even your defenses show me that. Because if you didn't love me, you wouldn't need them."

Emily felt both scared and pleased by the fact that JJ had read her so well; by the fact that the younger woman saw good in what she considered to be a flaw.

"And second of all, Em." JJ brushed a strand of hair from the brunette's face and made eye contact with her once more. "We're both gona fuck up. We both _did_ fuck up. But it doesn't matter, because without that, there's a chance you wouldn't be here opening up to me like this. Without the rain, there are no rainbows."

JJ saw the faint glimmer of a smile forming against Emily's lips, and made one last attempt at coaxing it into a full smile – it had been too long since she'd seen the brunette's eyes light up. "I know, could I get anymore cheesy?"

Emily's smile turned into a small laugh. "I know you, Jayje. And I know you could get far cheesier than that if you wanted to. I believe in you." She winked at the blonde.

JJ's eyes lit up once more as she watched Emily for a few seconds, drinking in the light-hearted side of her that she had so missed in recent days, before pulling her into an embrace and pressing her face into the crook of her neck. She'd missed the way she smelt too, the softness of her skin, the warmth of her body wrapped around her.

Emily snaked one arm up to the back of JJ's head, holding her just exactly where she was – she hadn't realised how much she needed this. And as she felt JJ press feather-light kisses to the sensitive skin of her neck, she realised how much she needed that too. "Baby.."

JJ said nothing. Instead, she placed several more soft kisses to the brunette's skin, before continuing up to her cheek and whispering, "This is where we first had sex."

The words, rather than the blondes hot breath, burnt against Emily's skin; a burn which she felt all the way to her core. A combination of relief at having JJ back and the smaller woman's ministrations had left her wet beyond belief already, and she was about ready to pass out with desire as the words left JJ's mouth and flooded into her brain; the memories pooling in there much like the wetness between her thighs. "You're gona be the death of me."

JJ quickly pulled back and looked Emily in the eye, clearly less than impressed with her choice of words.

Instantly realising what she'd said, apologies fell freely from Emily's lips. "I'm sorry baby." She cupped the blondes face and placed soft yet firm kisses to her cheeks, her nose, her lips, between each apology. "I'm sorry. So sorry. So very sorry."

The blonde immediately forgot what Emily was even apologising for, and instinctively wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck, pressing her lips firmly against the older woman's. Emily naturally took a step back, her back forcefully hitting a small cabinet behind her. "I don't remember this being here last time?" She smiled.

"I guess we'll just have to find some place else then." And with that, much like she had done months prior, she led Emily upstairs to her bedroom.

They'd barely made it through the door before clothes were being tossed in all directions, and once JJ had taken in the sight of a naked Emily stood before her, she gently pushed her back onto the bed.

Standing at the foot of the bed, the blonde lifted Emily's legs which were hanging over the edge, and wrapped them around her waist. "I love you so fucking much Emily Prentiss." She whispered as she hovered over her.

"Show me."

And that was exactly what JJ intended to do. She was so proud of Emily – she knew the courage it must have taken for her to bypass stubbornness and place her feelings out there like she had, and she was determined to show her exactly why her bravery had been worth it; exactly how much she loved her, exactly how safe her heart was with her.

After a long but gentle kiss to the brunette's lips, JJ followed a trail down Emily's body, pressing her lips to each one of her favourite parts of the older woman as she did.

Grazing her lips across her cheek, she whispered, "I missed you."

Placing delicate, ghost-like kisses along her collar bone, she uttered, "So much."

Reaching the scar on Emily's chest - the scar that she hadn't seen until today, and that would forever be a significant part of their relationship, both metaphorically and physically – she gently but firmly pressed her lips to it, her words reflecting its meaning, "Always."

She hoped that Emily took from it exactly what she'd intended – that she had her as long as she would have that scar – and continued her journey down Emily's torso, making a short detour to take one of the brunette's already hardened nipples into her mouth, immediately sucking it between her lips.

A small smile graced JJ's lips as she heard Emily's sharp intake of breath. "Baby please."

And in an instant response, the blonde's fingers began their own journey, slowly, too slowly, across the brunette's toned stomach. She felt Emily's heat before she reached her destination, and as soon as hot, liquid desire touched her finger tips, she gave her lover what she really wanted; pressing two fingers slowly yet firmly deep into her awaiting depths.

Emily's moans filled the air, and JJ could feel her own body responding to the sounds. "Do you believe me now?" the blonde asked as she slowly pumped her fingers in and out of the brunette, her lips now hovering over Emily's, so that her hot breath fanned mercilessly against the lips of her lover.

"Mmm, not quite.." Emily teased, hoping for, _craving_, more pressure.

JJ removed her fingers, but before the older woman could protest, she quickly replaced them, along with a third this time, as deep as she could and left them there. Satisfied with the exasperated and breathy moans falling from Emily's lips, she asked, "How about now?"

"So good baby.." Was all Emily could muster, her hips unconsciously rocking, already on the edge of some kind of oblivion.

The younger agent smiled; pleased with her efforts and the response she was pulling from Emily. She didn't move her fingers though; determined to tease her for just that little bit longer.

Her hips still rocking against JJ's still hand, Emily spoke, her husky voice thick with desperation, "Please."

JJ's small smile turned into a smug smirk, "What baby?"

Eyes shooting open as her desire surged through her and removed all sense of formality, Emily demanded, "Fuck me. Now."

The blonde's legs went weak at Emily's command, and it was all she could do to keep the position she held. Her fingers took on a mind of their own and instantly began pumping in and out of Emily – a hard, fast pace that she knew her lover was craving. She kept her eyes locked on Emily's, her lips still ghosting over the brunette's; she wanted to feel every breath that left her mouth, witness every pleasure fueled flicker of her eyes.

It was all too much, too fast, and totally not enough at the same time. "Baby.."

JJ didn't need more than that; she knew exactly what it meant, and she immediately began to circle Emily's clit with her thumb.

Emily felt that familiar tightness in her stomach begin to build, "So close.."

With the brunette's walls clenched in a vice grip around her fingers, JJ gave her lover once last push, "Come for me baby."

And with ragged breaths and sweat slick skin and clenched fists, Emily began the free-fall over that edge; stars darting past her eyes, her mind blurring into endless possibilities, skin tingling, and soon enough she was nothing but a raggedly breathing heap beneath JJ.

Completely satiated, Emily reached her arms up to cup JJ's face and pulled her down until their lips met in a deep kiss. "I love you, so much." She spoke as they finally broke for air, still trying to regain her breath. "So much."

JJ's eyes smiled as she watched the rise and fall of Emily's heavy chest, and in that moment, she felt on top of the world. They'd been to hell and back in such a short period of time, and ever one to believe that everything has a reason, she knew that it had been worth it; she knew that the best was yet to come.

Gently pulling out of Emily, she pressed a soft kiss to her cheek and moved to step back.

"Not so fast." Emily spoke as she sat herself up on the edge of the bed before pulling JJ over to straddle her thighs. She could feel the blondes heat against her stomach, and she couldn't help but pull her closer. She was pretty certain that the doctors would have a field day with this kind of physical exertion just 9 days after being shot in the chest, but it was kind of too late for that now.

Tucking the loose strands of hair behind Emily's ears and cupping her face, JJ spoke softly, "You don't have to do this, Emily. It's only been-"

But before she could utter anything more, her words melted into an illegible gloop of half-logic and desire as Emily pressed three fingers deep inside her. She didn't need to adjust to the pressure; she had been ready since Emily had first kissed her. But still, she took a second to enjoy the sensation, the feeling of being full, the feeling of the brunette being close to her once more.

It was all the reassurance JJ needed, and soon enough her hips picked up a rhythm of their own as Emily's fingers moved inside her, as she felt her lover's hot, naked skin pressed against her own. It wasn't going to take much, and as soon as the pair picked up a faster pace, as soon as the brunette applied just that right amount of pressure to JJ's clit, she came, with beautiful profanity and obscenities falling from her perfectly sculpted lips.

Emily's free hand pressed against JJ's back, pulling her ever closer, her other still buried deep inside her. Heavy, tired breaths filled the air around them, their skin melded together as each enjoyed the afterglow, the feeling of not only the complete serenity that comes naturally after an orgasm, but from knowing that though they had many more steps to take in their relationship; they had taken the first one.

"I think we're gona be okay, Em." JJ spoke first, her words ragged between heavy breaths, barely more than a whisper.

"We are." Emily responded, before meeting the blonde's bright blue eyes. "Just promise me one thing?"

"What's that baby?" The younger woman asked, her question laced with sincerity and a sudden seriousness.

"That you'll never buy me flowers.."

JJ's already bright eyes lit up impossibly more as a grin formed on her face. "Never, ever."

Smiling, mostly with her eyes, Emily took hold of JJ's hand, pressed it flat against her scar and consequently, her heart, and whispered against her lips, "Always."

* * *

**Author's Note 2:** I have no fast updates to bribe you with in return for reviews given that this is the end.. But since you're all so nice, I know you'll throw some my way anyway. ;) Thanks again!


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